Concentrated decay of the soul. You do not watch Zoinked and emerge with your former self in tact, it takes something from you that can never be returned. Some would argue it's your innocence, or perhaps your ability to enjoy or even tolerate the existence of children. This, however, is only the tip of the iceberg within this barren sea of despair.
Zoinked is very bad. A very special, particularly infuriating kind of bad, that can eat away a man's will to exist as a maggot eats away at a corpse. Anything or anyone that uses the word "zany" in a non-ironic fashion is a cancer of the mind and must be destroyed. I find this to be an indisputable rule when dealing with television shows especially. Zoinked. Just saying the name causes the most foul and detestable of human emotions to well up within me. Disgust, terror, hatred, blood lust. The name is perfect in its own way, in that it perfectly represents the indescribably large amount of insult to the viewer's intelligence and dignity as a human being. I have never felt I wanted to physically harm a child or television host, but if there were a hot iron poker lying beside these people just waiting to be used, I would seriously consider employing its services. Many, many times, until the screams of the dying drown out the screams of my spirit, and all can be at peace from this suffering. All that stays my blade is the knowledge that these children are reading from a script, as no child that exists could be so obnoxious and that determined to bring about the collapse of society without the guiding hand of adults whose contempt for decency is dwarfed only by their desire for money. A terrible, evil script forged in the fires of mount doom and bathed in the tears of the innocent.
If you ever want to have children, or be able to remain in their presence without developing a strong primal urge to kill them, stray far from this sacrilege and protect your hearts from its piercing malevolent will, for it's far too late for me.
