This week has seen Donald Trump’s second state visit to the UK – unprecedented for a non-royal, as he has pointed out on more than one occasion (mostly ignoring the caveat about royalty, it might be noted). One thing that has struck me has been Trump’s behaviour since his arrival – he’s been dignified, respectful and stuck to the diplomatic script with uncharacteristic discipline. Mind you, at the time of writing, there’s still a day to go, so we shall see how long it lasts.
My interest in this has been piqued as participants on our courses often bring up the challenges presented by the behaviour of some of those they negotiate with, who are aggressive, make unreasonable demands and behave poorly in negotiations. Typically Trumpesque, behaviour, we might imagine. And yet – at least for the first 24 hours – Trump has been a model of propriety as a guest of the King. So, his behaviour has changed – why? I don’t think the answers are overly complex. We know that Trump is impressed by power, and nothing speaks of baked-in privilege like the pomp of a royal welcome. Centuries of tradition, sharing the royal carriage with the king, the massed bands of various guard regiments, a lavish banquet in a castle – all of these things are evidently likely to moderate the behaviour of even the most brash New York real estate mogul.
So what might negotiators struggling with an equally bombastic counterparty learn from this? Well, it’s tempting to see bad behaviour as something that can be argued off the table – we might explain its negative consequences, point out how it makes us feel, and any number of reasons that an attitude should change. Makes sense, but unfortunately, changing somebody’s opinion or attitude with words is incredibly difficult and rarely works. However, if you can change somebody’s behaviour – a more achievable objective – then the possibility (even probability) is that their attitude will follow. Trump’s behaviour changed overnight, so we can see that changing behaviour – even where it’s entrenched – is possible.
However, most negotiators don’t have blue blood or access to Windsor Castle and the royal guards. So what’s realistic? Firstly, the reality is that while behaviour can be changed, lasting change (in terms of attitude)takes time. One day of bearskin hats and red coats will change behaviour for probably about a day. Compare that to the global pandemic. In 2019 nobody was proposing that working from home 2-3 days a week was the way forward. Months of lockdown after Covid hit forced everyone capable of working from home to do just that. Our behaviour changed. Now, attitudes towards organisations pursuing a return to office policy tends to be for the most part negative – collectively, attitudes have changed, because our behaviour changed over a prolonged period. So if you are going to change somebody’s behaviour to moderate their attitude, you’ll need time and to bring the change consistently over that time.
As to the kinds of change you can make, there are a number – some of the most effective ones we address on our courses. If you’re finding some negotiations more challenging because of the behaviour of your counterparty, you could do a lot worse than get in touch to find out more.
