Identifying your values

- If there's one thing that working parents have in common, it's probably the sense of being busy. Idle moments likely feel all too rare when juggling parenthood and your career, especially given the disruptions of the past two years. Daily life may feel more like being on a treadmill, at best, with task after task and at worst, with setback after setback. While we can't magically create more time in the day, what we can do is make sure that our daily responsibilities don't take us too far from the bigger picture of our core values. It's easy to lose sight of why we do what we do, but this why matters immensely. Much psychological research has shown that when we can identify our core values or what matters most to us in our lives, this helps ground us when we get overwhelmed. It also keeps us from going through life on autopilot, and it builds a sense of fulfillment that reminds us that our struggles are worth it. So, what matters most to you? And what aspect of your roles, both in your family and in your career, are most meaningful to you? Based on your answers, how would you define your values? Yours will be personal to you. Kindness, a sense of adventure, humor, perseverance, integrity, love, courage, curiosity, these are just a few examples of values that help guide people in their toughest moments. Maybe earning a paycheck and keeping my kids alive is as big picture as you get most days, especially if you frequently feel stressed and overwhelmed. But try to go deeper. How do you want to be described by your coworkers on the day you retire? Or how would you describe the legacy that you want to leave for your children? What is it about your children or your relationships with them that you most want to cultivate and encourage? If those are too far-reaching, how about something simpler? How do you want your children to feel when they go to bed at night? Look back on this time as if you were living decades from now, and think about what is non-negotiable in terms of the person you want to have been during these years. Consider what you want your children to remember from these all too-short years. Why is it that you chose the career you did? And if you fell into it, what parts of it most matter to you now? What would you want your coworkers to find to be your best quality? Now, you probably won't be able to maintain all your values every moment of every day, so go easy on yourself. You may not always be able to keep your values close at hand when your toddler has shattered a jelly jar on the tile floor, or your boss is texting you to check for an important email while your other child is shouting that they feel sick. But if you can keep in touch with your values regularly, in small moments and big ones, you will feel more calm and fulfilled. You can even set an intention for each day that gently nudges you to remember the person you want to be. Finally, remember that perfection is not important. Use your values as a guidepost to better embrace the beautiful and imperfect, often messy world of being a working parent.