From the course: The Manager's Guide to Difficult Conversations

Your conversation style

From the course: The Manager's Guide to Difficult Conversations

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Your conversation style

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- On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being extremely confident, how confident are you that you can initiate a difficult conversation that gets results? Often, new managers rate themselves high, and seasoned managers rate themselves low, but here's something important to know. Those who are overly confident, and those who shy away from conversations operate from the two sides of the same coin, dysfunction. Let's explore two dysfunctional styles that trip up new and seasoned leaders. As we do, see which one you identify with more. (chuckles) Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that you are dysfunctional. What I'm saying is that all of us have blind spots and opportunities to grow. The first dysfunctional communication style is what I like to call the avoider. Avoiders admit that they hate confrontation. So they procrastinate. Sometimes avoiders use damage control tactics like moving the problem employee to another location, pretending to agree to make the other person happy or providing favors to keep the peace, anything to avoid the conversation that needs to happen. Avoiders rescue others from the pain of growth, and they rescue themselves from the pain of initiating difficult conversations, but there's a high cost to avoidance. Years ago, one of my clients shared that he was at the end of a year-long process of managing a disruptive employee. The employee was occasionally talked to, but since she was considered a high performer, she was allowed to carry on hurting patients, families and staff along the way, so much so that it led to a lawsuit. Now, not every avoided conversation results in a lawsuit. Sometimes the result is absenteeism or turnover, or just poor productivity, but here's a takeaway. Avoiders often overestimate the value of keeping the peace and underestimate the business impact of avoiding. Now, let's look at the aggressor. Aggressors don't fear initiating conversations. Let me share an example. A new manager I was coaching prided himself on being a straight shooter. He was eager to establish himself as the boss. He didn't struggle at all initiating a difficult conversation, but because of his blind spots, he created an us against them mentality. His employees viewed him as abrupt and unapproachable. This manager is not alone. Often new managers come to a leadership position without the right skills and mindsets they need to enable them to get results and change performance. As a result, they contribute to turnover, absenteeism and a lack of engagement. Here's a takeaway. Aggressors often overestimate their leadership skills and underestimate the negative impact. So do you identify more with the avoider or the aggressor? Take a look at the exercise file and assess your communication style. When you figure this out, you can make changes moving forward, so you're communicating in a way that's best for your team.

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