Debunking feedback myths: How to become a better leader

Most feedback fails. Why? Because it isn’t actionable. Too often, feedback sounds like judgment: “Be better,” “Do more,” “That wasn’t great.” But judgment doesn’t drive improvement, clarity does. The leaders who make the biggest impact know this: feedback is only powerful when it’s specific, constructive, and actionable. I remember well my dear Cécil Bove mastering the art of providing me with super actionable feedback as an example, before a pitch in front of 400 people not long ago…. That was gold! Here’s what that looks like in practice: 1. Addressing missed deadlines ❌ “You need to be faster.” ✅ “The last two reports were submitted after the deadline, which delayed the team’s next steps. For the upcoming report, could you please share a draft 24 hours earlier so we have time to review and stay on schedule?” 2. Managing conflict in a team ❌ “You two need to stop arguing.” ✅ “In yesterday’s meeting, the disagreement on project priorities became personal and slowed progress. Let’s agree on criteria to evaluate tasks objectively so we can focus on outcomes instead of positions.” 3. Elevating client interactions ❌ “You weren’t convincing in that client call.” ✅ “During the call, the client asked about ROI and we didn’t provide concrete figures. Next time, why don’t we prepare two data points and a case example so you can answer with confidence and strengthen our credibility?” 4. Developing leadership potential ❌ “You’re not ready to lead.” ✅ “In the last workshop, you facilitated well but stepped back when conflict arose. To prepare for leadership roles, I’d encourage you to practice addressing disagreements directly. How about co-leading the next session so we can work on that skill together?” The difference is clear: vague feedback points out problems, while actionable feedback builds solutions. Great leaders don’t just highlight mistakes, they create clarity, direction, and growth. 👉 Because feedback isn’t about criticism, but about unlocking potential.

Don't make people guess In a previous post, I talked about Trust Surplus, and how one of the biggest contributors to it is radical transparency - particularly where feedback is concerned. I've been lucky to work under some tough taskmasters - bosses who led by example and weren't afraid of feedback (giving and receiving). We always knew where we stood with them. We knew when we messed up. And we knew exactly - and I mean exactly - what needed to be fixed. Unfortunately, that is not everyone's experience. We know there are bosses who struggle with transparency, and instead, lean on being 'nice'. Some of them avoid giving direct feedback. Some sugarcoat. Some focus only on what’s going well. Or they stay silent, hoping people will “figure it out.” The result? Confusion. Frustration. Drama. And a trust deficit. When I think of these teams, I feel a tremendous sense of loss: these people don't learn as much as they could have. They don't deliver as much value. And they spend too much time just trying to guess whether they can trust the feedback they're getting. Having personally benefitted from radically transparent leaders, I knew I had to follow in their footsteps when it was my turn to lead. And it has not been easy. But every time I’ve chosen clarity over comfort, it has helped people move forward faster - with the added bonus of deepened trust between us. Feedback doesn’t have to be blunt. It just has to be clear and constructive. And it has to come from a place of alignment - an apnapan - where your team knows that you are on their side. As someone who is still on the learning curve on delivering feedback effectively, I would love to hear from you: how do you strike that balance between 'niceness' and 'honesty' with your own teams?

Why do so many feedback conversations break trust instead of building it? It’s a pain every leader knows. High-stakes conversations that leave people confused, defensive, or shut down. This week, you broke it down step by step. First, you uncovered the blind spot: Most leaders think they’re giving feedback. In reality, they’re only giving opinions, or dumping information. Then came the belief shift: Feedback isn’t about what you see. It’s about what the other person can actually use to grow. Next, you explored the S.P.A.R.K. framework: A simple, 5-step roadmap to make feedback safe, clear, and growth-focused. Finally, you learned from 10 common mistakes leaders make. And practical fixes to avoid them. All with one goal: Helping leaders turn feedback into a moment of trust, not tension. Because in the end, here’s the truth: Feedback isn’t about pointing out flaws. It’s about lighting the path to growth. For your team, and for you. — ♻️ Share it with your network to help leaders turn feedback into momentum, not mistrust. 🔔 Follow if you’re tired of second-guessing and ready to lead with clarity, confidence and connections.

𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗹𝘁… Too little = bland growth. Too much = resentment. Just right = transformation. I once coached a manager who avoided giving feedback for months because he feared “hurting” his team’s morale. 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝘂𝗹𝘁? ·   Projects stalled ·   Conflicts grew ·   Motivation sank When he finally spoke up, it came out as frustration, not guidance. 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗜 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗱𝘂𝗰𝗲𝗱 𝗵𝗶𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗕𝗢𝗢𝗦𝗧 𝗙𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗠𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗹 — 𝗮 𝘀𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝘆𝗲𝘁 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗳𝗿𝗮𝗺𝗲𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝘂𝗲𝗹 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘄𝘁𝗵. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗕𝗢𝗢𝗦𝗧 𝗠𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗹 𝗕 – 𝗕𝗮𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗱 Highlight strengths and areas for improvement. 𝗢 – 𝗢𝗯𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗲𝗱 Focus only on behaviors you actually saw. 𝗢 – 𝗢𝗯𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 Keep it fact-based, not personal. 𝗦 – 𝗦𝗽𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗰 Be clear on what worked/didn’t, no vague labels. 𝗧 – 𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗲𝗹𝘆 Feedback delayed is feedback denied. 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝗶𝘁: Balance: “You kept the client engaged” + “But interruptions reduced clarity.” Observed: “In yesterday’s call, you…” (not “You always…”) Objective: Stick to actions, not assumptions. Specific: “3 times in 20 minutes” beats “too often.” Timely: Address within days, not months. Feedback isn’t about pointing fingers. It’s about building bridges between potential and performance. When leaders use BOOST, feedback feels less like criticism — and more like care. 𝗖𝗫𝗢𝘀, 𝗛𝗥 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘀: 𝗕𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗮 𝗰𝘂𝗹𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗳𝘂𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗼𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝗿. 𝗘𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗽 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗼𝗼𝗹𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗕𝗢𝗢𝗦𝗧 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗼𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 & 𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁. 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗮 𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗮𝗹𝘆𝘀𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘄𝘁𝗵 𝗮𝗰𝗿𝗼𝘀𝘀 𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘀. 𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻’𝘀 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘄𝘁𝗵 𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲, 𝗹𝗲𝘁’𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁. 𝗗𝗠 𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗹𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 & 𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀.

𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗹𝘁… Too little = bland growth. Too much = resentment. Just right = transformation. I once coached a manager who avoided giving feedback for months because he feared “hurting” his team’s morale. 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝘂𝗹𝘁? ·   Projects stalled ·   Conflicts grew ·   Motivation sank When he finally spoke up, it came out as frustration, not guidance. 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗜 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗱𝘂𝗰𝗲𝗱 𝗵𝗶𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗕𝗢𝗢𝗦𝗧 𝗙𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗠𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗹 — 𝗮 𝘀𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝘆𝗲𝘁 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗳𝗿𝗮𝗺𝗲𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝘂𝗲𝗹 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘄𝘁𝗵. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗕𝗢𝗢𝗦𝗧 𝗠𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗹 𝗕 – 𝗕𝗮𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗱 Highlight strengths and areas for improvement. 𝗢 – 𝗢𝗯𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗲𝗱 Focus only on behaviors you actually saw. 𝗢 – 𝗢𝗯𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 Keep it fact-based, not personal. 𝗦 – 𝗦𝗽𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗰 Be clear on what worked/didn’t, no vague labels. 𝗧 – 𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗲𝗹𝘆 Feedback delayed is feedback denied. 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝗶𝘁: Balance: “You kept the client engaged” + “But interruptions reduced clarity.” Observed: “In yesterday’s call, you…” (not “You always…”) Objective: Stick to actions, not assumptions. Specific: “3 times in 20 minutes” beats “too often.” Timely: Address within days, not months. Feedback isn’t about pointing fingers. It’s about building bridges between potential and performance. When leaders use BOOST, feedback feels less like criticism — and more like care. 𝗖𝗫𝗢𝘀, 𝗛𝗥 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘀: 𝗕𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗮 𝗰𝘂𝗹𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗳𝘂𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗼𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝗿. 𝗘𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗽 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗼𝗼𝗹𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗕𝗢𝗢𝗦𝗧 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗼𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 & 𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁. 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗮 𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗮𝗹𝘆𝘀𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘄𝘁𝗵 𝗮𝗰𝗿𝗼𝘀𝘀 𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘀. 𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻’𝘀 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘄𝘁𝗵 𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲, 𝗹𝗲𝘁’𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁. 𝗗𝗠 𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗹𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 & 𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀.

Why do so many leaders freeze or get defensive the moment feedback comes their way? It’s not a skill problem. It’s a mindset problem. And that mindset shapes how your team sees you. Dismiss feedback, and you signal their voices don’t matter. Get defensive, and you show insecurity, not strength. Ignore it, and you miss the chance to grow. The truth is, you don’t need the perfect script to receive feedback well. You need a process that grounds you, keeps you curious, and turns feedback into growth. That’s why I teach leaders a simple 6-step framework: G.R.O.W.T.H. It helps you handle feedback with clarity, confidence, and curiosity. Ground yourself ↳ First reactions build or break trust. ↳ Pause. Breathe. ↳ Notice your reactions before acting on them. Reflect, don’t react ↳ Reactivity blocks insight. Curiosity unlocks it. ↳ Instead of defending, get curious. ↳ Ask: What’s true? What’s useful? Own your part ↳ Accountability earns respect. Defensiveness drains it. ↳ Take responsibility where it’s due. No excuses. No over-apologizing. ↳ Replace “That wasn’t my fault” with “Here’s what I could have done better.” Welcome the perspective ↳ Feedback is data, not a verdict. ↳ Even if it stings. Especially when it stings. ↳ Say: “I hadn’t seen it that way. Thank you for the perspective.” Thank the giver ↳ Feedback is a gift; offered, not owed. ↳ Even if it was poorly delivered. ↳ It takes courage to speak up. Harvest the insight ↳ Feedback without action is wasted opportunity. ↳ What will you do differently? ↳ What’s one shift you’ll make? Leaders who practice this don’t just survive feedback. They grow through it. And their teams grow with them. Which of these 6 steps would challenge you the most right now?

Feedback should never create fear. It should build growth and trust. Too often, I see leaders use feedback as a tool for control, and that is exactly why people dread it. Fear does not fuel performance. It silences people. It erodes trust. And without trust, no team will ever reach its full potential. The first step is to stop doing the things that make feedback toxic. Do not deliver it in the heat of the moment when emotions are running high. Do not make it a one-way conversation where you speak and the other person stays silent. And do not sugar-coat to avoid conflict, because that only creates confusion and mistrust. Instead, focus on what makes feedback powerful. Offer it in a timely way, when it matters most. Ask questions and be curious instead of jumping to criticism. And treat it as a dialogue, not a download. Some of the most effective feedback I have seen happened when both sides felt respected, heard, and trusted to grow. Finally, feedback should not be treated as an exceptional event. It should be embedded in the culture. That means making it a weekly habit rather than a yearly surprise, building people’s ability to receive feedback as much as their ability to give it, and modelling openness as a leader yourself. When you show that you are willing to listen, act, and adjust based on feedback, you reinforce trust across your team. Feedback done well does not sting. It strengthens. It builds confidence, deepens trust, and creates the conditions for sustainable performance. Image credit: Tanmay Vora 🔁 Find this post valuable? Like, comment and share 🔔 Follow Rachel Treece PCC CPCC FCIM Treece and The Henka Institute™ for more content like this. #FeedbackCulture #SafeConversations #GrowthLeadership

The silent killer of teams isn’t workload. It’s feedback avoidance. I’ve seen this play out with first-time leaders I’ve coached (and I lived it myself). We avoid hard conversations. We sugarcoat. We hope issues magically disappear, but they don’t. They grow. When leaders dodge feedback, teams pay the price. Anxiety creeps in. Confidence drops. Performance flatlines. And the leader? Stuck with the stress of carrying unspoken issues. Think about your team right now: what’s the one thing you know you should give feedback on but haven’t? Here’s a simple shift to make feedback about care NOT criticism. Try this ResultsLab.io lens: Start with clarity: “Here’s what I saw…” Connect it to growth: “Here’s why it matters…” Coach the next step: “What could you try going forward?” When feedback is consistent, it stops being scary! It becomes oxygen for growth. My Lesson: Once I leaned into this rhythm, my team didn’t just perform better, they relaxed. They knew where they stood. They knew I had their back. And they started asking for feedback instead of fearing it. What’s your favorite way to give feedback? Direct and to the point, or gentle and supportive? ----- Bonus: On a scale from 1 to 10 (no 7s)… how consistent are you with feedback? 6 or below → I’ve got a simple guide to help you get better fast. 8 or above → share your secret! What made feedback easier for you to give?

Too many leaders treat feedback like a weapon. Sharp. Cutting. Delivered only when something goes wrong. But feedback, when given with intention, is not fire—it’s fuel. Employees don’t fear feedback when they trust it comes from a place of growth, not judgment. They fear silence. Because silence breeds doubt, insecurity, and disengagement. Think about it. Which is more damaging? 👉 A leader who offers honest guidance, even when it stings? 👉 Or a leader who says nothing, leaving employees guessing where they stand? Feedback is one of the most powerful leadership tools. It shapes performance, builds confidence, and strengthens relationships. But only if it’s delivered with empathy and clarity. Great leaders don’t wait until the annual review to speak up. They create cultures where feedback is ongoing—where praise is specific, and corrections are opportunities, not punishments. Feedback done well sounds like this: • “I noticed your effort on this project—it made a difference.” • “Here’s one area you could improve, and I’ll help you get there.” • “Your perspective challenged my thinking, and that’s valuable.” When leaders normalize conversations like this, feedback stops being feared and starts being welcomed. It becomes a cycle of growth instead of a moment of criticism. Because the best employees aren’t the ones who never make mistakes—they’re the ones who learn fastest. And that happens when leaders use feedback as fuel. Lesson: Feedback doesn’t burn people out—it builds them up, if leaders use it wisely.

Powerful leaders don’t hide from mirrors, they ask for one. As year-end reviews approach, there’s no better time to reflect on how we’re showing up as leaders. Feedback is an integral part of our growth process…at work, at home, and in our social circles. Yet, it’s one of the hardest things for many leaders to ask for. I once facilitated a training session where the feedback I received revealed blind spots in my unconscious mannerisms, things I’d never have known if I hadn’t asked. We’re accustomed to assessing our team members’ performance and behaviour, offering feedback to help them grow and achieve organisational goals. But how often do we flip the coin? How often do we pause to assess how our own leadership style, communication, and behaviour are perceived by our teams? And just as importantly, how safe do they feel giving us honest feedback without fear of judgment or punishment? Many leaders move from role to role without ever getting real feedback from their teams, creating blind spots that can limit their effectiveness and growth. One powerful tool to break this cycle is the Johari Window Model, a psychological framework for increasing self-awareness. Its four quadrants reveal different aspects of how we’re perceived: Open Area: Behaviours and attitudes known to both you and your team. Blind Spots: Behaviours known to your team but unknown to you. This is where feedback is crucial. Hidden Area (Facade): What you know about yourself but intentionally keep private from your team. Unknown Area: Untapped potential and latent abilities unexplored by both you and your team. Leaders who embrace feedback grow faster, lead better, and build stronger, more trusting teams. I’d love to learn from you: As you prepare for year-end reviews, what’s one way you’ve asked your team for honest feedback, and what did you learn? Tag a leader you admire who actively seeks feedback. #LeadershipDevelopment #FeedbackCulture #SelfAwareness #PersonalGrowth #KikelomoAfolayan