2015: Surprisingly...My Greatest Year Ever.

31st of December 2015.

Well here's a day I never thought I’d see…

In all honesty I really never thought I would make it to the end of this year.

I spent that much of this year wishing I wasn’t here and feeling suicidal that I thought it was only a matter of time before it happened and that there was no way I would ever make it to 2016.

It feels quite sentimental writing this on this date also, not a lot of people know this but my first suicidal incident happened on this very date last year.

Although this one was probably more of a cry for help than a real suicide attempt like in May, It was the worst possible start to a new year and to be honest I never had very high hopes or aims for 2015.

Survival was the main aim and because I was feeling so low I didn’t know how I was going to manage to find the strength to go on and get through the year.

To say this has been a rollercoaster of a year would be a massive understatement because there were some really amazing things that I managed to achieve too.

SharkDog was continuing to grow as and we approached March I won the Forth Valley Chamber Young Entrepreneur of the Year 2015 Award and everything seemed to be going so well, followed on the next month by SharkDog expanding our team to 5 people and moving into our own office in Edinburgh.

Looking back on that now I really don’t understand how we managed to do that given how I was feeling at the time because looking back it seems like such a dark time for me personally.

Then the following month, on May 26th as we all now know things just got a bit much for me and I attempt to end it all.

Even after the car crash, although I had my moment in hospital where I felt lucky to be alive I never really done anything about it straight away. I went back to my old self and tried to deal with my problems in the same old way which were making them worse and there were even times just a few months ago towards the end of summer where I felt my old self again and the suicidal thoughts came back.

It wasn’t until September until I really took control of my life again and decided to do something about it.

There was a bit of game changing moment in early September. I was reading a book and the first chapter was titled you are 100% in control of your life and the penny just dropped.

My biggest problem this year which led to my depression was a big change in my personal life and managing that change was incredibly difficult. The hardest part about it was that it was 100% my fault and down to my actions and behaviour I lost so much and to make it even worse I had to wake up every day and look in the mirror at the guy who caused it all. That was honestly the worst part.

Since going public with my story and battles with depression and suicidal thoughts this year, I’ve never done it for sympathy or for people to feel sorry for me. I’m the first guy to admit that my depression was 100% brought on by myself and the new life I had to start was absolutely because of me and no one else.

So then when I read this book in September, I realised that I had two choices, I could continue looking back at the past and get myself down over it, or I could decide to just draw a line under and it and move on with my life and make something of myself.

So I decided to retake control of my life and decided I was going to get my life back on track. It was at this point I had to make one of the biggest decisions of my life, when asking what I really wanted to do with my life I had to ask if SharkDog was really what I wanted to be doing, this was really hard because SharkDog was my baby and I loved it so much, it had given me so much since I started it and if you ever met me whilst I was in the thick of running it I would happily talk to you for hours about how much I loved it and what it meant to me.

But this was my new life and I was now starting with a clean slate and had the opportunity to do anything I wanted in the world and this is where the idea for the Tartan Explorer came from.

I’ll not go into much detail about that because we all know the Tartan Explorer story and origins but it was at this point my life really did change forever. I started working on the concept in September and then when I finally launched it on November 2nd I don’t even think I could’ve anticipated what would follow.

The joy and satisfaction that this now brings me is just incredible and the opportunties for next year are just unbelievable. Since I launched I’ve been able to make an incredible difference to so many people already.

The most notable being the 6 people who have told me that my story and video inspired them not to end their life and get help, that’s before I’ve begun my real journey, just think of how many amazing more positive stories like that we’ll hear over the years as the Tartan Explorer moment grows even larger.

It’s been really weird for me looking back on 2015 over the last couple of days, and I came to the conclusion that it’s been my best year ever.

That might come as a bit of a surprise to some people, given what went on this year. How could a year full of so much pain, depression and a suicide attempt be my best year ever.

Well for me I’m trying to focus on the positives and I’m judging this year on how it ended rather than how it started, because the end of 2015 means the start of 2016 and I know for myself its going to be the best year ever.

2015 was the year where I feel like I really found myself and learned what I was all about, I feel like I’ve grown up a lot and I’m about to leave a big part of my life behind in 2016 as I begin a completely new life in 2016 as the Tartan Explorer preparation begins, but I’ll speak about that more in my 2016 post in a few days.

There’s been a lot of people this year who have helped me in a number of different ways, especially since launching the Tartan Explorer and it would be impossible to name them all in this blog.

I want to say a massive thanks to all of my existing friends and family who helped me this year, and another massive thanks to all of the new friends and people who I’ve now met through the Tartan Explorer who are really getting involved and helping my journey.

However, I couldn’t possible end without naming a few who made a massive difference to my life.

To my best friends Cara and Chelsey, who without their support I really wouldn’t be here today. This year has been an incredibly lonely one for myself and at times I felt like I had nowhere to turn, but I always knew that these 2 would be on the other end of the phone and to say they were there for me and listened to my problems this year would be a massive understatement, so I had to thank them although I know they already know how much I love and appreciate them.

To my business mentor Alan Bonner, a man who started out as a business mentor and investor in SharkDog and ended up becoming my best friend and confident, and I really don’t know what I would’ve done without his support this year, we started working together at the beginning of June which was a really critical time for me obviously and I’ve taken up a lot more of his time than I bet he even bargained for and for that I’ll always be grateful.

To my work best friend Mary, who was the driving force behind SharkDog this year and to be honest really kept the whole show on the road whilst my life was spiralling out of control, Mary was my sidekick at SharkDog and the greatest person I’ve ever worked with, although not technically in her job description she was also like an agony aunt and personal confident for me who helped to guide me through this rollercoaster of a year and I’m glad to say she’s now also turned into one of my closest friends.

And a final thanks to a special unnamed person who I had the privilege of bumping into over the Christmas holidays, we’re not in each other's lives anymore and don't get the opportunity to catch up as much but I know they’re always there for me and will be reading this so just a wee special thanks for the positive influence they had in my life and the things they taught me growing up about what’s really important in life and how to treat those closest to you.

A lot of people would think I’d be really glad to see the back of 2015, and they’d be right, but it’s not because of 2015 ending. It’s because I’m so excited about 2016 starting.

Have a great Hogmanay everyone and I hope you all have the most amazing 2016. ❤️☺️✌️������