21 networking tips that I just gave to my future bosses

I was delighted to be invited to be part of a panel about networking by the Marketing Society Future Council recently titled 'Building Connections That Last: The Do's and Don't's of Networking'.

Despite being a born introvert, over the years I reckon I've managed to concoct my own style of effective networking, both online and offline. There's a Jeremy Bullmore quote about how "brands are built like birds build nests - through the straws and scraps they chance upon". I think the same is true for how you build your own approach to making connections - by studying and integrating some great advice from people you meet and read about along the way.

So it felt great to be able to give back a little bit and pass on some of the great advice I've consumed and received, and I learned some really insightful stuff from my fellow panelists David and Lina too.

To prepare for the session, I decided to write out a list of insights and topics I'd like to cover. So why not share that list with a wider audience on Linkedin too?

Here are 21 tips that will make you better connected, more focused and more effective at building your network (which I've lightly edited for clarity and grammar by ChatGPT).

Hopefully imparting this advice will also benefit me in the future when someone in the Future Council group of highly qualified and incredibly impressive young marketers becomes my boss!

• Show you respect for the other person's time and energy.

By far the biggest mistake i see people make is not respecting the other person enough if you respect their time and do the hard work on their behalf. Assume that people are extremely busy and do all you can to make it easy for them to engage with you. Be specific and direct with what you're after. Never, ever, ask 'to go for a coffee'. 

• Think about reverse mentorship and how you can add value.

Even though the person you're looking for mentorship from might seem far further along their career then you, most good mentorships are rooted in some sort of value exchange. Maybe you're looking for mentorship from an Account Director in your agency or a Marketing Director in your company, perhaps there's something you can teach them or make them aware of, a topic, trend or idea that they might know little about. The idea of reciprocity is massive in behavioural science - the tendency for us to feel obligated to return favours or gifts, even if they were unsolicited, so use it. 

• Offer value from the start.

We're all marketers here, think about your 'target audience' and get inside their mindset - what sort of approach would the other person value and how an you build a relationship quickly? Don't reach out and ask for someone's time without already giving something of value in advance. Ex: helpful/interesting ideas related to a project/client they are working on, relevant blog post you've written, research you've done, industry intel. If you can spend 3-4 hours writing up something interesting that someone finds value in, that's an incredibly powerful thing to do. It sets you apart from someone sending an email. Here's a great read on this exact topic.

• Do your research.

Read things they have written. Study their CV. Listen to their podcasts. Follow them on Twitter and Substack. Watch their presentations/speeches. Flattery works. Make an effort to get to know them as an intention beyond "picking their brain" for advice.

• Work around their schedule, not yours.

You're asking for their time, so make your schedule as malleable as possible to accommodate their busy schedule. Do not dare send them a Calendly (or otherwise) link to have them work around yours. 

• Most people are willing to help, and are genuinely nice.

They have enough of a long memory to remember they were in your position and they have enough empathy to want to support you.

• You've two ears and one mouth, use them in proportion.

A lot of 'networking' is just conversation or friend making. If you're speaking at someone and not listening to them, why would they like you? Be interested to be interesting. Ask about their lives, remember little details and be a good listener.

• Patience is a virtue in networking. 

You have to play the long game and put in the effort. Generally you're not going to build a good network quickly. To build meaningful relationships you need to put in the time and not rush.

• Be persistent.

It can take days, weeks, sometimes months and years to get time with someone. Persistence pays off. Use your best judgement on when to slow down and pick up outreach, and do not self-impose an "If you don't respond I'll assume you're not interested" ultimatum.

• Work the networking muscle in physical ways.

It's easy to spend loads of time in doors and on screens that we lose the muscle of networking and having slightly akwward conversations. The more you practice the muscle the better.

Be willing to endure mild embarrassment and mild rejection. A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.

• Play the connector role. 

A great way to strengthen your network is actually to effectively connect other people. People who are in that role gain the status or being a facilitator for others. That could be putting someone onto a job opportunity, or getting two loosely connected acquaintances together for a conversation on a mutually interesting topic. 

Warning - only do this if both people will actually find value in each other.

• Do the hard work and put yourself in the position to benefit from luck.

Luck comes for us all. But you might only get 3-4 big opportunities in your career and most people miss them. Luck favours the active, so it's important to put yourself in the position to benefit from this - attend events, reach out to people and start thinking about the things you can do to put yourself in situations. That could be putting your hand up to organise an event or take on a new side of desk project. If you're ambitious, determined and proactive then that's 90% of the way there.

• Practice the idea of a canvas strategy in networking. 

Ryan Holiday has this idea of finding  canvases for other people to paint on. It's not about ass kissing, it's about identifying areas of opportunity for others pre-emptively. If you can do that, then you're building your own value and it's likely to be reciprocated.  By supporting and facilitating the success of those around you, you not only build strong relationships but also position yourself as a valuable connector. Karma does exist. So network to give and not to get. Do favours for others and expect nothing back. Create opportunities for others to shine and build goodwill.

• Be choiceful and focused in creating a network. 

It's easy to waste time and energy trying to lightly engage with everyone you meet. 

But instead what I've done is at the start of every year, write down a list of 30 people you really want to engage with and the reason why. This should be based on your career goals or people who can help you learn and get better Then half that list and make it 15. Then be really strategic about how you get into the eye line of these people in an effective way. Not just 'let's do coffee' or 'can I pick your brain', but rather 'here's an idea that I've validated which you might be interested in'. 

• You don't need to chase every car.

Be practical about what organisations you become a member of, who's emails you respond to and who you reach out to. We all only have so much time and energy so less, with focus is better than a spray and pray approach.

• You're the average of the 5 people you surround yourself with, so choose wisely.

Remember in secondary school when your mother didn't want you falling in with the wrong crowd? It's the same with networking. If you choose high agency, successful people with their own strong connections then that can be useful. A good network is about creating a peer group around who you are and who you want to be.

• But also, life is too short to network with dickheads.

There are more than enough interesting, sound and friendly people out there without having to spend time trying to suck up to seemingly powerful people. It's not worth it. 

• Use online networking to sow the seeds of deeper relationships.

It's never been easier to put your thoughts and perspective out there in a considered, effective way and reach people in your network. Try to focus on 1-2 mediums (eg TikTok, Linkedin, writing, podcasts, Twitter) and build the network, think about what you want to be known for and FOCUS. It's crazy how often you put something out there and it starts a conversation or networking opportunity. Online visibility isn't for everyone, but it can be helpful.

• Don’t mistake follows for relationships.

You end up with loads of parasocial relationships or one sided attachments where you feel a stong sense of connetion with someone but the other party is unaware of your feelings. This happens a lot with people and influencers, but it also happens with people and loose connections. The only way to build a really strong network is to get out there, meet people and risk small social embarrassments or anxiety. Loose online ties can be illusions.

• It's a very, very small industry, so be very careful about creating enemies or bad mouthing.

While it may feel great to gossip or bad mouth someone, particularly when you leave a role or they lose a pitch or whatever, I guarantee you'll run into that person again, and I guarantee they'll remember it. Think about not creating a network of enemies too! Don’t dismiss people & don’t be a dick. Creating a strong network is both about growing it, but also protecting it and ensuring you're not pre-emptively burning future opportunities.

• Show gratitude and be genuine in celebrating others wins. 

This is something we're so bad and is so easy. Send someone a message to tell them you admire them or liked something they did. Be direct about it. Celebrate your mate's great wins. 

Got any other good practical networking tips? Feel free to add them below!

Shane O'Leary