4 Lessons From My Temporary Retirement at 35

How I got here 

About 6 months ago, I got the chance of a lifetime. My husband and I quit our cushy tech jobs in the Bay Area to travel the world with our two little girls - 1.5 and 3.5 years old at the time. I had just spent 7 years in the Bay Area building my career and starting a family and could not be more comfortable professionally. I had a high-paying job as a female executive at a tech company in a position I had only dreamed of years ago. We had a great place in the city and my kids had fantastic daycare and pre-school which could not be more greatly valued as a working mom. We also had great friends and relationships we’d develop both personally and professionally over the years.

Despite all of this, we were in need of a break. While this may sound like millennial generation commentary, working in a tech start-up for 5 years and being part of its growth into a public company had been exhausting. It felt like each year was a dog year (7 years) and combine that with the life-changing event of having two kids within 2 years, I was itching to get out of our daily routine and what felt like the rat race of our Bay Area lifestyle. We decided to take 6 months to travel the world starting in New Zealand and Australia, then to the Caribbean, Italy, and a few other places along the way. 

As I now reflect back on the experience, I wanted to share what I’ve learned in the hopes it might inspire some others to take the leap into a sabbatical or what I like to call "temporary retirement”. If nothing else, I hope it inspires you to consider taking an extended vacation. I’m hopeful it will remind me to take another break the next time I get overly stuck in my daily routine.

 4 Major Lessons from Taking Time Off

 Lesson #1: There is never a perfect time to take time off 

It can take some time to line everything up  

As I think back about the big leap we took quitting our jobs, I realize it took a lot longer than we planned. The concept of taking time off was something we discussed and dreamed about for a few years. Despite the strong interest, it was challenging to get my husband's and my timeline to line up. Whether it was a big project at work or an upcoming promotion to a new position on either of our sides, it took a year to get our schedules to align. The only real urgency came from the fact that since having our kids, we had outgrown our current apartment in the city and were really in need of more space – we still had a portable crib directly in our bathroom which made getting ready for work in the morning feel like a yoga session and I was dreaming about having outdoor space. Additionally, we were eager to take a break before our oldest officially started kindergarten. I was so proud of my husband the day he came home from work and told me that he officially quit his job. In the back of my mind, I was still not certain we would ever actually go through with it. Once he was committed, it forced me to go through with it as well and the non-refundable flights we booked to New Zealand the next day meant no turning back.

Tell your closest friends outside of work

The best thing we did before actually taking the plunge was telling all of our friends about our plans to travel the world. It is always easy to have an idea of what you want to do, but once you start telling others, you start feeling accountable. Every time we ran into a friend and they asked us when we were going to take the leap it re-energized our commitment and planning. Their encouragement was infectious and helped move our timeline along.  

 Don’t let your fear get in the way of taking the leap

I remember how daunting it was to imagine uprooting our lives from something so comfortable for a big adventure. The other easy way out was to think about the additional financial gain by staying in our jobs. Doing the math on what one additional month earned us in salary and stock options could easily turn the plan obsolete. The challenge is that if you think in dollars and cents and focus on the financials only, it makes it challenging to ever leave your job. The additional silver lining was that despite our income, living in the city of San Francisco was not cheap. With $55,000 in rent a year for a 2 bedroom (not exaggerating), childcare, and the high cost of food and additional expenses living the on-demand lifestyle of San Francisco where you order delivery for toilet paper because you don’t have time to pick it up yourself, becoming a traveling stay at home mom was quite appealing.

I was also concerned about taking our oldest daughter out of pre-school, but when both our amazing pediatrician and pre-school teacher congratulated us on the adventure and told us there was absolutely nothing we needed to teach our eldest outside of continuing to read to her, the guilt of travel-parenting was completely erased.

Lesson #2: Taking time off is so important

 Un-plugging from work can feel freeing 

We are on the tail end of our trip and I cannot emphasize enough how incredible it has been to take some time to unplug for my state of mental well-being. For the last several years in San Francisco, I had really got into a routine. It went a bit something like this:

• Wake up in the morning and rush around like a tornado getting the kids and myself ready for the day
• Rush into work to make my first 8:30 or 9 a.m. meeting
• Sit in meetings until 6 p.m. where a pee break or a bit of fresh air felt like a luxury
• Spend 6-8 p.m. with the kids chasing them around the house and doing activities
• Get back online until 11 p.m. to catch up on all the personal work I couldn’t accomplish during my day of meetings
• Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

 I’m not trying to make this sound overly depressing as I really enjoyed what I was working on and found it incredibly intellectually stimulating, but this was every day and absolutely every second counted. The only exception was Saturdays which was my one day off to give my mind a break. On Sundays, I spent much of the day mentally preparing for the next week. Unplugging from the work treadmill was so valuable as it gave my mind the true mental break I needed after years of investing all mental energy into my job. I was running so fast on the treadmill, it took 3 weeks after my last day at work to take my mind off of my recent job. 

Don’t forget the power of being present

One thing I learned above everything else was the importance of being present with my kids and family. During our travels, there is always a few minutes a day where I experience a moment with my kids that is truly exceptional. It could have been as simple as watching my youngest start speaking more to me over eating gelato to watching them take in something truly incredible in the world around them like running circles around Michelangelo's David when we visited Florence. These are moments that I simply will never be able to get back.

 As I reflect on the few hours I spent every evening with them after work, I realize that while I was there, I was not ever as present as I’d hoped to be. My mind would be stuck in a meeting I had earlier in the day or mentally drafting an e-mail that I needed to send later in the evening. It has been so incredible actually being present with my kids without the distractions of work and building a closer relationship with them than ever. The benefits of being present also extended to my family and my relationships with my mother, father, brother, and extended family. While much of my time was spent being half way around the world, I felt much closer to them with my mind uncluttered than I ever did when I was busy running through the course of a workday. 

Taking time off makes you feel younger

The value of taking time off feels like it has had a physical impact. My father kept telling me how much younger I looked after about a month of traveling. My husband and I looked at a photo a few months in and reflected that we thought we looked about 5 years younger. While the summer tans or Apple’s portrait mode on the iPhone X definitely made a difference, getting out and being active every day and spending time unwinding felt like it had a material impact on our health. It is much harder to have excuses to work out when you are on vacation and walking around Europe got me enough steps each day to satisfy my Fitbit.

My husband and I feeling like we looked younger.  

Lesson #3: Traveling with kids is not easy, but totally worth it 

Traveling with kids has been easier than I expected

Before leaving on the trip, there were moments I felt slightly terrified about traveling with two kids under 4. As much as my working routine involved being busy, I’ve always felt being a stay-at-home mom would be significantly harder than working. At least at work, I had far less temperamental co-workers that were not ready to explode into a tantrum like my oldest likes too when the slightest amount of sun gets in her eyes. I’m very fortunate to report that the traveling with kids has been much less difficult than I expected it to be.

 How can that be?

• First off, I had reasonable expectations. If you fear the worst and expect your kids to scream bloody murder throughout an entire international flight, when they make it with only a tantrum or two, it has been successful.
• We minimized air travel to big international flights only and prioritized car travel. We spent much of our time driving around which gives you more control with kids to stop when you need to, and my kids are far better on car rides.
• We focused on countries like Australia and Italy that we knew would be friendlier to traveling with kids. We were blown away with just how friendly Italians were to our kids - giving them gifts all day long from toys to lots and lots of chocolate.
• We also applied what we learned along the way like trying to only take night flights, eating outside as much as possible to drown out any potential crying, having lots of games to distract them and snacks along the journeys, turning every Italian church into a playground, and being as flexible as possible.
• Most importantly, we had the benefit of two parents fully dedicated to taking care of the kids and traveling which gave us the benefit of one parent per child, helping us avoid the mental exhaustion of one adult managing two kids and feeling like stay at home parents. I can’t even imagine how someone does it with three. The third must be older and serve as another set of helping hands.

There will be trying moments

There were definitely some moments throughout the journey which made it no walk in the park. We got multiple “boo-boos”. Our youngest hit a step on the stroller the wrong way and fell face first into the pavement on her nose. It felt like I lost all oxygen in my body for about a minute. We were very fortunate that a Spanish doctor confirmed she had not broken her nose and some Advil made her perfectly happy for the next couple days while we looked past the bruises. While this could have happened any day at the playground in San Francisco, it can feel a bit more intense when traveling. We accidentally booked a flight in the islands on a Cessna (10-person plane) where the pilot had to tell everyone where to sit to balance out the plane. We also had a beyond sleepless night at sea during a cruise where we hit significant storm swells which did not bode well for someone who gets sea-sick. For these few tough moments, there are hundreds of others that made up for them.

Traveling can make it easy to regress on your routine

That may be an understatement. We dramatically regressed on many aspects of our children’s development during our trip like having our 4-year-old now sleep in bed with us as she was too scared to sleep in a new strange place every few days. We had 3 years of our own bed and one scary night turned into six months of feeling like we have a goat in our bed kicking all night. The kids also have been going to sleep after 10 p.m. so they can enjoy dinners out with us which has left for less personal time. We’ve also allowed them to eat far too much gelato, chocolate, and cookies every day and allowed far too much TV-time on their iPad or Roku stick - a travel miracle. We know they will be hard habits to break, but we’ll persevere when the vacation is over. 

It’s totally worth it!

Even though we knew going into this that our kids most likely won’t remember this trip when they’re older, it has been totally worth it. While their memories may fade, I’m sure there will be other ways in which they have grown. Whether it is gaining agility from experiencing a new home each day or having to interact with children who don’t speak English at a playground and saying lots of “ciaos”, each of these experiences will help shape how they look at the world. For us, the luxury of getting to spend 6 months of quality time to really get to know our kids has been priceless. It has also generated some of the most amazing moments that we’ll never forget while the few crying fits will soon be erased from our memory.

Lesson #4: Breaks give you the time to rediscover your passions 

 Time off lets you reflect on how you want to spend your time

One of the greatest benefits I’ve gained from extended time off has been the luxury of taking a step back and thinking about where I’d like to spend my time. I used to feel work vacations gave me that luxury, but my head would still drift towards my current job. After the cobwebs of my last job dissolved, I started spending more time thinking about my passions. For me, it was health & fitness, creative arts & music, travel, and my kids (not in priority order ;). I started dreaming up ways I could spend more time doing them during the trip and when we return home. While it may seem obvious, I am reminded to make sure I spent time working on those passions and looking at companies that have a much greater purpose. Fitbit was a great example of a company that blended my personal passions around health & fitness with having a greater impact on other people’s lives. If I’m going to spend time away from my kids and miss a few more of those exceptional moments each day, it has to be for something I love. 

Your vacation does not have to be free of intellectual stimulation

The trip reaffirmed that being a mom and having a career are both so core to who I am. Six weeks into the trip, I had a moment where I felt totally starved of some of the intellectual stimulation I experienced during my work life. It felt crazy to want to work on things when I was in paradise. That said, I knew myself well enough to know that I would not make it 6 months traveling without doing some things to keep my mind busy beyond laying in the sun and focusing on my kids 24/7. I started listening to educational podcasts like “How I built this”, working a bit on my husband’s new company, and dreaming up business ideas that I would enjoy spending time on. While I only had a few hours each day during nap time and after the kids went to sleep, I acknowledged how much I really enjoy building things. Those few hours gave me the sanity I needed to fully enjoy my vacation as I felt like I was still putting my brain to work on challenging problems each day.

Finding your personal work-life balance is key

My husband was eager to take the whole year completely off and our amount of time travelling was a key area of debate. I realized that after 6 months of travel, I was ready to go back to work – whether just part-time or not. The travel has been unbelievably amazing, but I’ve had my fix and am ready for some of the luxuries I enjoyed in my working life including help with the kids, the intellectual stimulation that comes from more adult time, as well as the joy that came from some of my work victories when I launched a product or built a brand. While my husband and many others will likely have a hard time understanding why I would enjoy going back to work after 6 months when we have the freedom to continue traveling the world, many of my working mom friends get it. The truth is that finding balance between my work life and personal life is key to my general happiness. It makes me a better wife, mom, and all-around person. All work was one extreme and all travel and family is yet another. I know now just how important it is to keep finding the right combination of both moving forward and will return to the next step in my career with renewed energy and a fresh perspective.  

A break does not have to be a once in a lifetime opportunity 

During my time off, I realized how much I envied others that had created jobs for themselves that gave them the flexibility to take time off when they wanted. My husband was one great example who built two companies where he stepped out of daily operations and was able to work part-time from the road. I also was inspired by Yvon Chouinard from Patagonia who mentioned in a podcast that he takes 5 months off each year for a company he still owns 100%. It reminds me that this experience of traveling with my kids does not need to be a once in a lifetime opportunity. It makes me aspire to find a way in the future to take the appropriate time each year to dream a little, travel, and work on those passions.

A quick snapshot of one of those passions: