The 6 Secrets of My Highest-Achieving Clients

Since the New Year, I’ve watched many posts go viral from online sources and social media about how to really accomplish your goals this year and finally get important things done. As a former journalist, I know that the media is always hungry for new copy – the more unusual, the better – but in this case I think the advice should come with the warning “Caveat Emptor,” or “Buyer Beware.” Why? Because I rarely see new ground broken in these posts; the author often takes one small finding and inflates its value, unaware that it often contradicts more established research, or requires a nuanced explanation to fully understand the value. 

For example, last week I saw a post that promised that the only way to succeed is to use a calendar filled with deadlines, and that this type of proper calendar use will eliminate all procrastination while guaranteeing triumphant success. I shook my head as I read it, thinking of all of my clients who have faithfully tried this trick, but who have repeatedly paid no attention as those deadlines passed and the calendar became the equivalent of white noise to be ignored. The calendar post also failed to mention that serious research has found that setting deadlines within a temporal landmark – a five-day workweek or before the start of a new year – plays positive tricks on one’s motivation and success – and that using a calendar for any type of deadline ought to take this into account. 

The boring truth is that there is a definite science to maximizing chances of accomplishing one’s goals, and while new research continues to come in that reinforces well-known strategies, or shines a light in a promising, new direction (using virtual reality is one such relatively recent development that I highlight in my book Getting Grit), the things that work for most people are predictable, proven and require discipline and positive habit creation, which isn’t sexy or fun. Because we are all unique in terms of how we motivate ourselves and remain focused, however, what works well for one person may not work perfectly for another, so pathways to success require experimentation and personalization. 

January often unleashes energies around change that has been dubbed "the fresh start effect," so if you want to benefit from this particular period of the year, take a look at some tips I've culled from my study and years of working with successful people:

The 6 Practices That My Highest Achieving Clients Have in Common...

In the more than 30 years I've spent working in the motivational and coaching fields, I have noticed a few common practices across my highest achieving clients, including:

1. They Take Time to Think About the Future

The future doesn’t just happen to high achievers – they move decisively into a future they want and plan for. There are many ways they do this, but the common denominator is that they allot several hours a year to thinking ahead to what they want to accomplish in the short-term and long-term, what they want to improve, whether or not their current conditions call for new strategies, and who they want to have in their lives as they move forward. I’ve seen lots of different systems work for this step; several clients work with detailed Excel spreadsheets, some use handwritten notebooks like the Bullet Journal that they annotate and refer to frequently, and some sit down at the end of the week and create an action plan for the coming week that aligns with their most important long-term goals. They also have specific rituals that feed into future-oriented behavior: some mentally review the coming day in the morning and “see” the day unfolding in their minds in the ways they wish it to happen, and one of my clients filmed himself talking about where he wants to be in the next year and he listens to it every single day as he drives to work. Simply going through the exercise of writing down your goals and how you plan to accomplish them has been found to have a profound impact on mood, engagement in life, zest, hope and optimism, and even on college retention and GPA, so start with this step if you are a newbie in goal-setting.

2. They Seek Out Feedback to Measure Progress

People who plan to achieve their goals always know if they are getting closer or farther away from success because they start with understandable, relevant metrics that prevent them from kidding themselves that they are doing well even when they are not. They also don’t set goals like, “I want to do better at attracting A+ clients,” they say, “I want to add 12 A+ clients to my practice this year by meeting with my best referral sources twice a quarter and asking current clients during review meetings if they know anyone who would benefit from my services.” Similarly, athletes who want to make the cut for the Boston Marathon, or break 12 hours in an Ironman competition, don’t train casually and “do their best” while training; they use watches and other sources of data to assess if they are getting faster or maintaining an appropriate pace that can get them to the finish line in the time they want. High achievers understand that the phrase, “That which cannot be measured cannot be achieved,” is key to turning goals into completed realities and they don’t shrink from feedback that will make them work harder, if necessary. (Different metrics are used for learning goals and performance goals: watch for an upcoming post explaining the difference and why it's so important to understand how to set and measure them appropriately.)

3. They Change Strategies When the Evidence Indicates Its Necessity

Building on seeking out feedback to assess progress, high achievers are unafraid of changing strategies if they aren’t improving in expected ways. This means that they are flexible in their thinking, and don’t demonstrate “stupid” or “stubborn grit,” which is when a person refuses to change course in spite of indications that they ought to. My highest achievers don’t just change strategies because they think they should, though; they seek out advice from people they admire and then act on it, which is one of the signs of intellectual humility – a key ingredient of authentic grit. The ability to seek out critical feedback and then do something with it is also one of the signs of exceptional CEOs, who want to know how they are perceived by people who report to them, and they care enough and are confident enough that they take action to become better at what they do. The dean of Harvard Business School, Nitin Nohria, says his studies of top leaders show that this "reflectiveness," or an ability to see themselves clearly, is what gives them the clarity to see others and the world in accurate ways. People who don’t aspire to, or achieve, greatness are often comfortable not honestly assessing their performance or asking for criticism. As researcher Carol Dweck might say, they have a “fixed” mindset and are afraid that they will not measure up to their own perceptions of how successful they want to be.

4. They Have External Accountability

One of the biggest mistakes people make when it comes to goals is they fail to build in safeguards to keep them on track and accountable to do what they say they want to do. If they aren’t accountable to anyone, they will never disappoint other people or have their feet held to the fire. As a result, my highest achievers always hire a goal-setting expert like me to help them refine their strategies and challenge them, or they make their goals public or known to people in a Mastermind group. Accountability to people who want the best for them, and not people who will be happy if they fail to change or exceed their own high standards, is often the difference between success and failure. High achievers know this and are unafraid of scrutiny, and they are willing to have their egos on the line in their discussions with people whose judgment they trust. One interesting finding around this point is that some people who talk a lot about what they want to accomplish in the future can psychologically fool themselves into thinking that they are already making progress by making their goals public, but high achievers avoid this by having deadlines with the right metrics of progress in place.

5. They Are Unafraid of Change

My hairdresser is fond of saying: “A woman who is afraid of changing her hair is a woman who cannot change her life.” I have a variant on that phrase: “A person who cannot take a risk is a person who will not succeed beyond their wildest dreams.” Change is hard, which is why many people refuse to go outside their comfort zone and take risks that have unknown outcomes. But high achievers are pros at befriending discomfort, disruptions and fear because they are willing to fail in order to avoid the regrets that come with “coulda woulda shoulda.” One of my favorite exercises with clients who score high in character strengths like “judgment and critical thinking” or “prudence” is to have them list all of the risks they’ve taken in life and the payoffs that have occurred from taking those risks, because people rarely regret the risks they take over time, but they do tend to regret the risks they don’t take. One fascinating study looked at what happened when people used a coin toss to decide whether or not to take a big risk that would change their lives; overwhelmingly it was found that people who went through big changes were much happier than people who play it safe because risk-taking and novelty are like catnip for the brain. Remaining unchanged and unchallenged results in stagnation, but risks, change and an attitude of “Why not?” often introduces excitement into a person’s like in a positively disruptive way.

6. They Don't Hang Around Black Holes

One of the first things I noticed about the super successful people I’m privileged to work with is that they avoid whiners, excuse-makers and pessimists like the plague. They know intuitively or from past experiences that negative attitudes and behaviors are contagious and they don’t want to open themselves up to being swayed by people whose outlook on life is about avoiding losing, not approaching winning. One successful car salesman told me that when he saw people clustered together near a water cooler or around a table, he knew to avoid them because “misery loves company” and he didn’t want to be dragged down by their negativity. Conversely, it’s been found that people with high goals and positive attitudes feed off each other to create an “upward spiral of well-being” that benefits everyone. In labs as diverse as John Gottmann’s “Love Lab” at the University of Washington to Dr. Barbara Fredrickson’s “Broaden and Build” research, it’s been found that couples, teams and organizations that feature a ratio of four positive comments to one negative are the ones that are stable, creative, supportive and successful, so being in an environment where positivity is the norm is what high achievers create or seek out.

More from Caroline...  Throw out what you know about 'SMART' Goals... The Most Effective Goals Have These 8 Things in Common

If you enjoyed the post, please click the thumbs up icon to let me know! 👍🏼

For information about working with me (coaching, speaking, consulting), visit: www.CarolineMiller.com or email michele@carolinemiller.com for speaking inquires. Some of my most popular topics are about the science of goal-setting, how to cultivate authentic grit, and why and how women will change the world with the tools of Positive Psychology.

Photo credits (in order of appearance): Tim Graf, Estee Janssens, Denys Nevozhai, Heidi Sandstrom, and Helena Lopes on Unsplash.

Tags: #CharacterStrengths, #VIAStrengths, #Grit, #GoalsAndGrit, #Goals, #Overuse, #Underuse, #PositivePsychology, #PosPsychology, #Strengths, #Strength, #Resolutions, #GritSpeaker, #GritAuthor, #GoalSpeaker, #GoalAuthor, #GoalSetting, #GritCoach, #GoalCoach #GettingGrit, #CreatingYourBestLife, #MyNameIsCaroline, #Coaching, #Speaking, #GoalSetting, #risktaking, #novelty

Copyright © 2018 Caroline Adams Miller. All rights reserved.