60 One-Sentence Lessons Every Developer Coach Learns (Eventually)

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I wish I knew these 20 years ago, but they had to be earned (not learned).

These are 60 core lessons that no A-license course is prepared to teach.

These are the hard lessons earned carving out your own path. Iterating on behalf of a compelling vision that only you see. The scars you earn from going against the grain…

Because deep down, you know it’s the right thing to do.

And the only true route to developing your people.

But do all these lessons learned have to be scars earned on your path?

My answer is no. 

(Spoiler: We’ve quietly built something we believe could reshape coaching education—and help you avoid these scars. More on that in a moment…)

They should be a part of everyone’s coaching education journey. I wondered what 60 aphorisms I would share with my younger self if I was starting my coaching journey today.

So here they are.

60 One-Sentence Lessons Every Developer Coach Learns (Eventually) in no specific order:

1. Development is a process; never a destination.

2. Potential is what we are chasing (not wins).

3. And every player has a potential that can never be defined because it’s an endless horizon.

3. Wins, success, and sustaining success are the beautiful byproducts of development.

4. The choice between winning and development is never one you have to make. 

5. Your vision will change over time, but make it explicit everyday to those you serve.

6. If you don’t teach culture, you don’t teach anything.

7. Coaching is convincing an entire group to move together with conviction in the direction of their potential.

8. Your vision will not be for everyone, especially early-on. And that’s ok.

9. Learning is a flywheel: Expose->Explore->Create Clarity->Artistry (find the next problem to solve and repeat)

10. You can learn from others, but it never pays to be a copy of someone else.

11. (Credibility + Reliability + Intimacy) ÷ Self-Interest = Trust.

12. Without cultivating trust, your vision will never become theirs.

13. Humility, Empathy, Courage are the 3 core traits of the Developer.

14. Development, Coaching and Leadership requires periods where you walk alone.

15. Make sure you have a support system you trust. Every coach needs a coach (or two).

16. The leader with the longest time horizon always wins.

17. Problems are gifts that propel development forward.

18. The Development Paradox: This is the most difficult time to create something special (team, organization, player), but it’s also the most advantageous time to separate from the competition.

19. Development = (Culture Vision + Playing Vision + Game Vision) x Iterations

20. Leadership is the horse. Development is the cart.

21. Non-Developers are tethered to their leadership style through ego and self-preservation.

22. The Developer is tethered to their leadership style through a sense of service.

23. Your Game Vision is simply your Culture and Playing Vision leveraged into a match scenario during a specific moment in your team’s development.

24. Recruitment and Talent ID must serve Talent Development (never the other way around).

25. The highest-leverage skill you can teach your players is how to persevere through challenge and adversity.

26. The greatest coaching skill you can learn is how to execute the Culture Rep.

27. Small wins are both the fuel to keep going and the perspective of how far we’ve come.

28. And you need to celebrate the small wins as often as possible (even when they are hard to find).

29. The most important 15 minutes of the week come directly after the match.

30. The match is both an end and a beginning (prepare for the former; prioritize the latter).

31. Player + Parent = 1 Person; Teach the parents your vision, so you have a better chance of developing the player.

32. “What do you want from this experience?” is the single greatest question you can ask a parent to understand their motivations (and adapt accordingly).

33. The Developer is an artist because coaching is inherently a creative act; they are never a contractor.

34. Your Playing Vision should prepare players for the future game (the one on the weekend AND the future match where you are no longer their coach).

35. They won’t remember the wins or the losses, but they will internalize the lessons of your example.

36. One of the greatest feelings you’ll ever experience as a Developer: Visiting Camelot

37. Infrastructure’s role is always to support a vision; it can never be the vision.

38. Playing Time is a paradigm that requires context—it should be taught to parents and used to guide your curriculum.

39. When you care deeply about your people, “love” is never too strong a word—it’s the right one.

40. Your ability to iterate long-term and build a special vision is dependent on who your primary leader is.

41. By choosing to coach, you opt into the pain (not the glory).

42. Don’t pursue perfection; pursue potential while giving yourself grace

43. Your most special moments as a coach won’t make it on your resume.

44. By developing yourself, you develop others (and vice versa).

45. Set a 48-hour rule for communication after matches—and create space for player conversations after the next practice.

46. Your voice will eventually hold your team back.

47. Don’t forget you were a player before you became a coach. (And if you weren’t a player, remember you were a child before you became a coach.)

48. Your job is to develop people; never placate them. Always be honest. 49. These 11 wins matter more than any win on the weekend.

50. You don’t need permission to be a great coach (the great coach is already inside of you).

51. And so is the “perfect practice”.

52. And the pursuit of the perfect practice > winning.

53. You never have to prove yourself as a coach (that’s a Non-Developer’s game).

54. The best start for any young coach is developing an anti-vision.

55. Be a lighthouse for your people; your example will always matter more than your words.

56. Culture can be whittled down to two words: relationships and responsibility.

57. The game is a vessel for greater things. You are preparing players for the future game…

58. And their future lives off-the field.

59. The 2 rules you can never break: Don’t cheat the game and Don’t cheat development

60. Development’s greatest lesson: You must fight like hell to stay on your path.

Final Words

Coaching is hard.

Development is difficult.

And being a lighthouse for your people is a high calling.

To do all three, you need more than to give yourself permission (#50), and you need more than just the awareness of these 60 learnings…

You need support. You need your own coach. And you need that support when you need it.

Because coaching education has 3 pillars: awareness, artistry, and endurance.

Every article you read and every session your run can help you build awareness. The trick is turning that awareness into increased levels of artistry and reaping its rewards long-term by having the endurance to stay on your path.

Wouldn’t it be great to improve in all three of those pillars, and unlock the better coach within you…

Without all the scars.

Very soon, The Developer’s Way will make that possible for every Developer Coach. 

Be the first to hear about a new coaching education experience—designed for Developer Coaches who want to grow, lead, and evolve… without all the scars. [link]

Regardless, I hope these 60 lessons will be of use on your journey (or at least a very helpful reminder) as you continue to develop your people.

Hold these 60 close…

So you can continue to fight like hell.

Dailyhuman and The Developer's Way are reimagining coaching education—so you can become the coach you never had... 

Get a first look at what we’re building. [link]