Attachment Styles at Work: Why Some People Cling, Avoid, or React
To watch the extended YouTube version, click here.
To listen to the audio version, click here.
Have you ever worked with someone who constantly seeks reassurance from their manager? Or a colleague who keeps everyone at arm’s length, refusing to collaborate or open up? Or perhaps someone who blows up at minor feedback, then retreats and sulks?
While these behaviours may seem purely personality-based, there's often something deeper at play… attachment styles.
Originally rooted in childhood development psychology, attachment theory also offers powerful insights into adult relationships, including the ones we have at work.
In this article, I’ll break down the main attachment styles and how they show up in workplace dynamics. Understanding this concept can transform how you lead, collaborate, and build professional relationships.
In the extended YouTube version of this article, I discuss each of the attachment styles in more detail and include advice on how to offer support. You can watch it here.
What Is Attachment Theory?
Attachment theory, developed by psychologist John Bowlby and expanded by Mary Ainsworth, explains how early bonding experiences with caregivers shape our expectations of relationships throughout life.
In simple terms, the way we were cared for as children influences how safe, trusting, or anxious we feel in relationships as adults.
While this is most often discussed in the context of romantic relationships, the same patterns show up at work, especially in how we deal with authority, conflict, collaboration, and feedback.
There are four main attachment styles:
Secure
Anxious (also known as Preoccupied)
Avoidant (also known as Dismissive)
Disorganised (also known as Fearful-Avoidant)
Let’s explore each one, with examples from the workplace.
1. Secure Attachment: Confident and Balanced
Work traits:
Comfortable with autonomy and teamwork
Open to feedback without becoming defensive
Builds trust with others easily
Manages conflict calmly
People with a secure attachment style tend to thrive in workplace relationships. They assume others are generally trustworthy, they’re comfortable with closeness and independence, and they bounce back from setbacks more easily.
These are the colleagues and managers who can set boundaries, support others, and lead with clarity and compassion.
2. Anxious Attachment: Clingy, Overthinkers, Feedback-Seekers
Work traits:
Often needs reassurance and validation
Sensitive to perceived criticism or exclusion
Struggles with boundaries (e.g. overworking to please)
May become overly dependent on their manager or team
This style often stems from inconsistent caregiving in childhood; sometimes their needs were met, sometimes not, leading to chronic uncertainty in relationships.
At work, they may seek frequent approval, read too much into ambiguous emails, or feel threatened by constructive criticism.
You might see them saying things like:
“Was that okay?”
“Do you think they’re annoyed with me?”
“I’m worried I’ve done something wrong.”
They’re not being dramatic; they genuinely feel unsafe when relationships feel shaky.
3. Avoidant Attachment: Independent but Distant
Work traits:
Keeps emotional distance
Values independence (sometimes to a fault)
May avoid collaboration or support
Struggles to open up or trust others
Individuals who are avoidantly attached typically grew up with caregivers who discouraged emotional expression or prioritised self-reliance over emotional connection. As a result, they learned to manage emotions privately and avoid vulnerability.
In the workplace, they might:
Withdraw during team-building activities
Dislike being micromanaged
View feedback as intrusive or controlling
Seem cold, aloof, or uninterested, even when they care
They’re not unkind; they’re just trying to stay in control of their environment and avoid emotional discomfort.
4. Disorganised Attachment: Reactive and Unpredictable
Work traits:
Fluctuates between clingy and avoidant
May overreact to perceived threats or rejection
Struggles with authority and rules
Can be explosive, moody, or withdrawn
This is the most complex style and is often linked to trauma or neglect in childhood. People with disorganised attachment want connection but fear it at the same time. They might long for support, but push people away the moment they feel vulnerable. This can make their behaviour seem confusing or erratic.
At work, this might look like:
Overreacting to mild feedback
Becoming hostile, then apologetic
Sabotaging close working relationships
Struggling with consistency or self-regulation
Why Attachment Styles Matter at Work
Workplaces are full of interpersonal dynamics, power structures, collaboration, competition, communication, and trust. It’s no wonder attachment patterns play out just as much here as they do in personal life.
Recognising these patterns in ourselves and others can:
Improve communication
Reduce unnecessary conflict
Build trust-based teams
Support better performance and mental health
For example, if you're a manager with an anxious team member, you’ll know they’re not being needy just to annoy you; they’re genuinely seeking psychological safety.
If you work with someone avoidant, you won’t pressure them into team lunches or overshare personal stories. Instead, you’ll give them space and let trust grow slowly.
It’s about meeting people where they are, not where you wish they’d be.
What About You?
It’s also helpful to consider your own attachment style at work. Ask yourself:
Do I overwork to prove myself or gain approval?
Do I find it hard to trust colleagues or open up?
Do I avoid conflict and shut down instead of addressing issues?
Do I feel anxious when I don’t get a reply to an email?
Your answers can offer insight into your patterns and needs. None of the styles are “bad,” but some may hold you back if left unchecked.
For example, anxious attachment may lead to burnout, while avoidant attachment could limit your career growth if you don’t form the right relationships.
Can Attachment Styles Change?
Yes! While our default style is usually rooted in childhood, awareness and consistent effort can help us shift toward a more secure attachment. This is often called “earned security.”
With the right support, like coaching, therapy, or healthy workplace experiences, people can learn to trust, collaborate, and communicate in new, more effective ways.
Managers and organisations play a big role here. Workplaces that prioritise psychological safety, clear communication, and compassionate leadership tend to help people move toward secure attachment, regardless of where they started.
The Wrap-up
Attachment styles offer a powerful lens for understanding ourselves and others, not just in personal relationships but at work too.
When you realise that people aren’t just “difficult,” but may be reacting from old attachment wounds, it opens up a whole new level of empathy and strategy.
Whether you’re a team member, leader, or business owner, understanding attachment styles can help you create healthier, more productive, and more human workplaces.
If you often feel confused by a colleague’s behaviour or your own, maybe it’s time to ask: What might this person (I) be afraid of? What need are they (am I) trying to meet?
The answers can be surprisingly healing.
What Next?
Again, in the extended YouTube version of this article, I discuss each of the attachment styles in more detail and include advice on how to offer support. You can watch it here.
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