“Being Stuck”

“I am being stuck, Damodar! I need some mentoring…” Chinu appeared restless over the phone.

“Come over, we will discuss over a cup of coffee or lunch” I volunteered.

“Good idea, but where?”

“Do you recall Herbs & Spices restaurant Chinu?”

“Oh, you are still stuck with the same Herbs & Spices restaurant! Can’t believe Damodar!!!”

“Come over, I will explain you everything at the restaurant” I replied and hung up.

We met at the restaurant…

“Shall we resume our conversation, Damodar?” Chinu asked raising her chin over the menu.

“Yes, tell me - what’s bugging you?”

Chinu rambled on about her work. I got a hint of where she was going. Gently, dragging her attention to the table mat, I signaled her to pause for a moment.

“Can you see the sixty-odd names on this mat Chinu?”

“Yes, I can see them”

“They are the names of the people who are “stuck” with this restaurant – the security guard, the front desk operator, the waiters, chefs, housekeeping staffs…”

“Are they stuck? Really!!!”

“Yes, indeed. All the names you see right here - on the top-left corner - were very much there with the restaurant in 2020. Do you see this guy by name – ‘Dakshit’? He will stop by now. I have been seeing him around for the last twenty years! So, in your language, he is stuck! I had not visited this restaurant for a good 6-7 years - you know. Upon my return from the United States in 2022 when I visited here, I saw pretty much the same old faces. Recall the fact that during the 2020-2021 period, the entire restaurant industry was in a state of thaw due to COVID-19 Pandemic. I learnt, none of the people who worked here prior to the pandemic lost their job; neither were they asked by the restaurant owner (Mr. Padmanabhan – in short, Paddy) to leave, nor did they opt to leave. In a way, they are stuck with each other – you see! Now, you could ask, are they stuck because they didn’t have any other options, or they are stuck because they want to get stuck with each other without even having the desire to explore alternative options…”

Chinu looked at me in utter confusion.

“You could add one more to the list. I, as a customer, am stuck with this restaurant too! You see…” we cracked up, as I continued…

Rethinking “Being Stuck”

To be stuck - whether at work, in a relationship, or in life’s many crossroads - is a phrase drenched in the hues of negativity. Unfortunately. The very mention conjures images of stagnation, frustration, and longing for escape. Yet, if we pause and peel back the layers, might we not find that being “stuck” is not inherently a bad feeling? Could it sometimes, in fact, be a sign of deep commitment or even a rich source of contentment?

Our languages, shaped by centuries of experience, tend to color words with emotional undertones. “Stuck” is rarely used when describing something desirable. We would not say we are “stuck” in a dream vacation or “stuck” enjoying a delicious meal or "stuck" in an immersive, rejuvenating conversation that we would not want to end. Instead, the term often emerges when describing situations that seem to limit our growth, restrict our choices, or bind us to places we’d rather not be. Yet, life is more nuanced than this black-and-white dichotomy suggests.

"Being Stuck": The Positive Side

Consider, for instance, the world of work. The ideal scenario when starting a new job is not merely to pass the days, but to immerse oneself so fully that you become an integral part of the team, the culture, the mission. In such moments, to be “stuck” is to be indispensable, to be so deeply enmeshed in the fabric of your role that you would not dream of leaving... the very stickiness we might fear becomes the very thing we desire.

This phenomenon extends to our relationships as well. When we find ourselves in a partnership that is nurturing, stimulating, and full of mutual respect, we might say - if only in whispered relief - that "we are happily stuck". We do not wish to leave, nor do we rub against the bonds that hold us. This kind of stickiness is not a prison but a home, not a trap, but a haven.

I saw Chinu nodding her head. “Kuchh samajhme aayi ya aur boloon (convinced or you need some more convincing)?” I winked.

“I feel it is enough for today... let me digest your words... Thank You!” Chinu said as we emptied the last drop of soup into our mouth and moved to the main course…