Breaking News: Please Wear Clothes

Every once in a while, I check the headlines—not because I’m trying to stay informed, necessarily, but just to make sure the world hasn’t completely imploded while I was enjoying blissful ignorance.

And thank goodness, folks. Apparently, nothing of actual consequence is happening, because today’s top stories are all about celebrities.

Whew. Crisis averted. Everything is back to normal.

So there I am, casually scrolling, and I stumble upon this article claiming that the “naked dress” is being banned at some upcoming film festivals. And I’m like—wait, what now? Banned? The naked dress?

And by the way—what the hell is a naked dress? (Because honestly, that’s a very reasonable question for normal people to ask.)

If you’re not familiar, the “naked dress” is exactly what it sounds like: a sheer, barely-there garment designed to give the illusion of nudity while still technically qualifying as clothing. It’s been trending in high fashion for a while now, which means it keeps showing up on red carpets, where high fashion loves to make a scene.

Except it’s not really being banned. What’s actually happening is that some film festivals are now banning nudity on the red carpet, so we are now debating if the naked dress qualifies as nudity (even though it’s in the actual definition of the dress).

Which begs the question: are we seriously at a place where we have to remind grown adults to wear clothes in public?

Apparently, yes. This is where we are.

(so much for blissful ignorance)

So I’m sitting with this—mildly entertained, but also kind of perplexed. Because this isn’t just about a dress, or choices, or personal expression, or nudity. It’s about the absurdity of this cultural moment we’re in.

So I start to intellectualize, and question my questioning.

Here’s what I’ve considered—along with a strong (and probably very controversial) position statement at the end.

One: The human body is beautiful. What’s the problem?

We’ve said it a million ways, in every culture, for centuries. So sure—celebrate it, show it off, flaunt what you’ve got. There’s nothing wrong with that.

But if that’s truly what we’re doing—if this is really about honoring the human form—why is it almost exclusively women who are being honored in this way?

I don’t recall seeing a “naked tux,” do you?

And just to be clear, I’m not suggesting we shame anyone for anything. I’m pointing to something cultural, from a place of curiosity, not criticism.

What does it say when it’s only women’s bodies we keep doing this with?

Because when you dig even a little beneath the surface, it’s hard to separate that fixation from a long history of cultural sexism. We all carry some version of it. And shame is never far behind. The rules may have changed, but the scrutiny hasn’t. The attention stays locked on women’s bodies.

And that’s what I can’t stop thinking about.

Two: It’s for shock value, of course.

We live in an attention economy. Outrage, surprise, spectacle—these are the currencies of relevance now. And the naked dress is engineered to grab eyeballs, spark headlines, and dominate feeds.

And that’s what life is all about these days anyway—how we measure our worth, how we stay visible. This sounds ridiculous to everyday people like you and me, but for these celebs… their value is, in many ways, literally tied to headlines and feeds.

It’s the market they move in—and the economy we’ve enabled and supported.

So in a way, it’s kind of on us when the ridiculousness escalates to the point where someone shows up practically nude in public, right?

Because as an observer and consumer, whether you love it, hate it, or pretend not to care—you’re still reacting. You’re still looking at that naked dress. It left a mark on your brain.

Mission accomplished.

Three: Fashion is art, so that makes it okay.

From the beginning of time, nudity and beauty have been central to artistic expression. Think statues, paintings, hieroglyphics—the human form has always been part of how we communicate power, sensuality, identity, and presence.

In that light, the naked dress could be seen not as scandal, but as homage. A wearable nod to artistic tradition. And of course, it’s also about honoring the designer—the one who crafted the concept, who turned sheer fabric into a red-carpet spectacle with the clear intention of making a creative, bold statement.

Art.

So does that mean these celebrities are really just devoted history and art lovers, thoughtfully paying tribute to ancient aesthetics?

(Yeah… I don’t really think so either)

Four: It’s all about “empowerment”

That’s the word so often used to defend the naked dress. The idea is that showing skin, rejecting modesty, doing things your way—that’s power. That’s freedom.

And maybe, for some, it really does feel that way.

But here’s the thing: being a woman—or a person—isn’t defined by how little you wear. Especially not in a society where we’ve collectively agreed that clothing is part of how we show up in public. So when someone decides to abandon that entirely, is it really empowerment?

Or is it something else—something more reactive, more about being seen than being free?

It starts to feel less like personal expression and more like a kind of rebellion. Not the grounded, purposeful kind—but the kind that says, look at me being me, whether or not the attention actually nourishes anything.

IMO, the inverse of constraint isn’t always empowerment. And that’s not shaming nor shameful. It’s human. But it’s also worth questioning.

Why? Because we can’t all run around without clothes on. It’s just that simple. What’s next, really? The grocery store? The dentist’s office? School concert? Church?

Where does it stop, if as a society we value personal expression (and I do)? But when is too far… well, too far?

I think we might be there. Right now.

So here’s my final stance on this: while I’m conflicted, generally speaking…

People should wear clothes in public.

I’m prepared to go a step further and add extreme superlatives:

All people. All clothes. All public.

There, I said it.

That’s where I land.

Sorry, not sorry.

Yet this whole thing is a messy mix of empowerment, shame, culture, attention, image, and identity. All just colliding at once, in this absurd moment, playing out on a carpet that’s supposed to celebrate storytelling.

But sure, let’s ban the naked dress.

That’ll solve everything.