Can We Still Disagree Without Destroying Each Other?

The level of violence is out of control. People are being murdered because others disagree with them.  

Fear spreads faster than trust.

Anti-Semitism, racism, Islamophobia, and hate are louder than reason. The answer cannot be one-way rhetoric stoking the flames. The answer must be conversation...open...transparent...and above all...respectful. 

History shows us this is possible. Abraham Lincoln filled his Cabinet with rivals who opposed him. He believed that strong debate made the Union stronger. 

In 1948, after World War II, nations that had been at war sat across from each other. The Marshall Plan fostered conversation, not conquest, and rebuilt Europe on the foundation of dialogue and trust.

In South Africa, Nelson Mandela invited his jailer to the negotiating table. He understood that reconciliation only came through conversation...not revenge.

In Northern Ireland, decades of sectarian violence ended only when political enemies sat down in the Good Friday talks of 1998. The deal was fragile...but it proved dialogue could save lives.

Anwar Sadat and Menachem Begin signed a peace treaty between Egypt and Israel that is still in effect today. It forged a friendship that ended when Sadat was assassinated.

In business, when Starbucks faced protests over race in 2018, they closed thousands of stores for one day of honest conversation and training. It wasn't perfect...but it was a start.

But here's the hard truth: We spent years creating "safe spaces." Closed rooms became echo chambers...places where we only heard ourselves...and called that safety.

The real safe space is not a silo. It must be the world we live in...with all its discomforts. Respectful disagreement is not the enemy of safety...it is the foundation of it.

Lincoln said it best in his First Inaugural Address in 1861:

"We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection."

In 1944, Mandela reminded us in his autobiography, Long Walk to Freedom:

"If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner."

Here's a To-Do List for leaders and companies. It's not the check-the-box kind…but the must-do, can't-ignore, act-on-now kind. It's the kind of actions that separate the ones who talk… from the ones who actually lead…

• Break the echo chambers. Create open forums...not closed boxes.

• Encourage discomfort. Growth never happens in silence or sameness.

• Model respect. Debate ideas...don't attack people.

• Invite dissent. Opposing voices sharpen clarity.

• Speak with transparency. People trust candor...not spin.

• Protect humanity. Every disagreement must preserve dignity.

• Draw a red line. Make it clear...nothing less than all of the above will be tolerated.

The danger today is not disagreement itself...It's the way we've forgotten how to disagree without destruction. We've built echo chambers and called them safe...when the real safe space must be the world we share. 

History proves that progress follows dialogue...not hate. Maybe the real courage today is stepping into discomfort.

Lincoln debated rivals...Mandela worked with jailers...Sadat shook hands with Begin.

Who's willing to do that today?

I've learned the hard way that respectful disagreement can be uncomfortable...but that's where the growth happens.

How do you make space for it in your world?

And, ironically? The following showed up on a Social Feed of mine:

”Shut the fuck up you big nosed kikè. There’s a reason you treacherous Jews have been kicked out of every aspiring community in the history of time.”

I won’t give the poster (4 followers, BTW) oxygen by sharing or answering. 

However, I am reaching out for your support, as I said above….What have we become that intelligent debate is no longer valued? How will we ever fix the world if we can’t have dialogue…disagree….and yet find common ground to move on?

Shame on all of us that we have allowed algorithms that drive ad revenue to shape our discourse by promoting the most outrageous…hateful and spiteful posts. 

#thinkbeforeyoushare 

Don't give life to divisive content….be respectful in your posts and comments. 

Me too….I'm being self-critical. 

As for the big nose? Well, what can I do……

What's your view?