Challenging bias and finding our own path – #IWD2021

Long working days, being present for your children, sharing parenting with your partner, living up to societal expectations– and challenging them when needed – and having time for yourself. There’s a lot to think about when you’re building a family while balancing a successful career. 

As we mark International Women's Day 2021 – a day to celebrate the achievements of women around the world – I am looking back over my own adventure of becoming a mother and how my experience enabled me to gain perspective of the important things in my life. 

I remember attending a seminar, back when I lived and worked in Brussels, as a new mother where a male speaker said that the man is not important for the first three years of a child’s development. The mindset was that men are the breadwinners and have the responsibility to provide, while the women reared the children. This was in 2005. I had many male colleagues who were so proud that their wives were top execs but left when they got children, because it showed they were good women and mums. But it left me reflecting on my own life and options. 

The theme for this year’s International Women’s Day is #ChooseToChallenge – calling out gender bias and inequality that are holding women back. Although we all have very different, but of equal significance, experiences from each other, it’s important to give ourselves the freedom to choose our own path without being hindered by what’s expected of us by a, still, largely patriarchal society. 

Striking a balance

Pursuing a career in business, working with purpose and positive impact, was always what I wanted to do. I knew early on that this is what I aimed for, and what I needed to do to live a fulfilling life according to my own standards. And as I began pursuing my career, it was not often that I experienced gender inequalities holding me back in my pursuit.

I was questioned by others (both men and women) about my priorities, and during these years I also questioned myself. 

It wasn’t until I became a mother for the first time in my early 30s that I started to notice the obstacles put in front of me as a woman determined to pursue and further my career. I was questioned by others (both men and women) about my priorities, and during these years I also questioned myself. 

Was I doing the right thing to the extent to which I chose to work while also always trying to put my family first? Yes, it’s possible to do both but when your job requires a lot of travel and long hours, where’s the right place to strike a balance? It’s not easy to tell. 

Tough decisions

At times, it felt that the easiest option would have been to change my career trajectory. But for me, personally, I knew that that was not how I wanted to live.

During the first years of juggling career and family life, I realised that I would have to make an active decision. I thought a lot on how I wanted to live my life, and I realised that I needed to decide on the best thing for myself and my family. At times, it felt that the easiest option would have been to change my career trajectory. But for me, personally, I knew that that was not how I wanted to live.

So long as there is equality between partners, and childcare infrastructure in place, it is possible to combine parenthood and career. It shouldn’t be the case of having to choose either/or. However, with an international career, you will spend a lot of time travelling (pre-Covid-19 that is). Work will take up a big part of your life. You will always have to make trade-offs between being present at home or away. Over the years I have spent countless hours in hotel rooms after meetings, going over homework with my daughters over Skype. Or texting my girls reminding them of homework or things to bring to school. So even if I was not physically at home, they knew that I was always with them in spirit.

Different perspectives

The challenges faced by women, in any walk of life, differs. My reality will differ from that of other people – whether they live on the next street or on the other side of the world. For me, I have had the privilege of starting my career in Sweden, where both men and women are expected, and enabled, to work. I had nine months of parental leave. My partner believes in an equal share of parenthood and responsibilities in life at home. I have made use of an infrastructure that allows for accessible childcare, with kindergarten support being the norm in Sweden as well as having my mum helping when the girls were young.

I wanted to share my experience and reflection with the hope that if it resonates with you, that you can also take something from this. Equally I believe it’s important to share and call out the challenges we face, and how we have tackled them.

I would love if you would share your experiences in the comments, in the hope that it can resonate with someone who reads it. It comes down to believing in yourself and believing in the path you set out for yourself. Know that it is right for you and dare to stick to it.