The Clever Deal

We’ve recently seen some extraordinarily arrogant attempts at doing the deal on the world stage. 

For instance, when the self-appointed negotiator immediately sides with the vastly stronger antagonist and tries to bully the defendant into submission.  Fortunately for his followers, the defendant has the strength of character and the courage of his convictions to resist.

This was not the way to conduct a deal. 

For a start, there is a lot to recommend in the position taken by the Washington Post’s Robert Estabrook (1918-2011), who said:

“He who has learned to disagree without being disagreeable, has discovered the most valuable secret of negotiation.”

Remaining calm, personable and engaging is vital to our success as a negotiator.  We need to keep the parties comfortably in the conversation and “Yes” is the final goal of the negotiation.

Previously, I adapted an approach from Chris Voss in his seminal book Never Split the Difference.  Voss is a former hostage negotiator with the FBI.  To illustrate the principles, let’s imagine that we, ourselves, are involved in negotiating a major purchase.  This all requires supreme self-control:

1.      Connecting

Entering a negotiation, consider how we can keep the other party in the conversation and get what we want.  First, we will need to connect with the other party. 

Using “how” questions encourages the other party to be empathetic, frees their problem solving, buys us time to wear them down and gives us the opportunity to think and reduce their advantage.

2.      Asking, not telling

Instead of demanding what we want, describe what we’re looking for and ask for suggestions.  If they have made a demand, take a deep (and audible) breath, then ask them calmly: “How can I do that?”

The “how” gets them to work on the solution—they get the feeling of being in control.  Also use “where”, “when”, “what”—the open-ended questions.

3.      Our opening question

The other most impactful first question in a negotiation may come from:

• “What is the biggest challenge that you are facing?”

• “What are you / we trying to accomplish here?”

• “How would you like me / us to proceed?”

4.      Listening

When people are listened to, they listen to themselves; they become open; they evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings; they become less defensive and more accepting; they become calm and logical; they solve problems and getting to “yes” is possible. 

This is the practice of tactical empathy—the martial art of active listening; where emotional intelligence is combined with assertiveness and influence.

5.      Emotions

Good negotiators identify and influence emotions—by labelling them and talking about them calmly. 

We may prod and poke, going deeper by turning responses back on the buyer to change his / her behaviour.  The more that we know about someone and what they want, the more power we have.

Voss uses a quote from the legendary Chinese military strategist Sun Tzu:

“The supreme art of war [negotiation] is to subdue the enemy without fighting.”

6.      Not compromising

Compromise happens because it is easy and we want to save face, to be safe.  Most people in negotiation are driven by fear or a desire to avoid pain.  Too few are driven by their actual goals—we need to stick with ours.

7.      Setting a deadline

We set a deadline for the buyer if they seem susceptible.  Find out what the buyer’s (self-imposed) deadline is—when do they have to secure the deal?  Also reveal our own deadline—this doesn’t have to be binding, but telling this reduces the risk of an impasse and the buyer may get to the real deal quicker.  For example, —“I am talking to two other parties tomorrow, so I will need your response by COB today.”

8.      Closing

If the other party appears happy, we summarise and close the deal.

But if they seem ready to walk away, we can ask: “What do you hope to accomplish by leaving?”  To follow their response, we ask: “If we could fix that, would you stay [or even better] would we have a deal?”

Being able to satisfy both parties takes such a plan and, dare we say, kindness.

Arrogance has no place in the clever deal.

Next week:  A Partner Like Alice

About the Author

Jeff Bell is Principal of executive consultancy ResultsWise in Perth, WA. To boost your leadership, ask Jeff about Band of Leaders Australia (BOLA) jeff@bandofleadersaustralia.com.au and his consulting, coaching and strategy facilitation, or his Advanced Leadership Course jeff@resultswise.com.au. Mobile 0439988662.