The Club Sandwich Generation

There's a label I've been hearing a lot lately: The Club Sandwich Generation.

And while I usually avoid being boxed in, this one feels... accurate.

Thanks to Jenny Peters for sharing this Guardian article (https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/oct/13/guilt-worry-resentment-its-all-part-of-the-sandwich-generation), which made me pause.

At 63, I have one parent surviving - my mother, ever-present in my mind - and a stepfather currently in a dementia care home. 

Two children in their 30s. 

Three grandchildren under 4. 

And a rich life full of philanthropy, fund raising fitness and currently completing my memoir.

So quite a sandwich.

I know I'm not the only one feeling the intensity of it.

Certainly the grandchildren part is exhausting and exhilarating in equal measure.

80% grind (feeding, changing, worrying) - and 20% inspiration. 

Moments of insight that hit you out of nowhere, straight from the mouths of babes.

but it's also a time of deep introspection. So this month, i wanted to explore the realities of being in this "club" - the demands of being in this family vortex, trying to help a little 

upwards, downwards, and sideways - and what it means for our identity, our energy, and our

sense of purpose.

The Ten Rules of Grandparenting (Still in Training)

Being a grandparent at this age is a gift - but also a responsibility that no one quite prepares you for. Here are ten hard-earned learnings from the past few years:

Be Totally Present

Plan quality time including overnights, and encourage unsupervised play where possible. Be available in body and mind.

Set Boundaries

Clear rules, firm but loving. Frame decisions as choices they can make. And make sure you're fit enough to keep up with them - dance, squat, sprint if you must!

Show Love and Affection

Cuddles, kisses, celebration. Sit down at a table when they want to eat. Don't force the drama of 'clean your plate'.

Encourage Learning

Name plants. Count stairs. Rehearse the day's events each evening. Be a living library of songs and stories.

Respect Parenting Decisions

Even when you wouldn't do it that way. The 60s wild wee's are out - and that's OK.

Create Traditions

Watering plants in the greenhouse. Our favourite dance tunes. Little rituals that ground them in love.

Be Patient

They'll test you. They'll outpace you. But breathe. Bend. Stretch. Laugh.

Share Your Wisdom

In doses they can digest. With joy, not just instruction. My upcoming memoir is dedicated to Willow, my granddaughter.

Nutrition & Hydration

Beakers of water, not juice. No to processed sugar when you can help it. Little meals, slowly savoured.

Toilet Training

Honestly, every CEO should do a tour of this duty. It builds more resilience than a boardroom crisis ever could.

The Power of Support: A Word from Gemma

"As a working parent with young children I feel incredibly fortunate that my parents are presently in brilliant shape, full health and have the gift of time, for a few reasons, listed below.

As we navigate our careers, manage childcare and family responsibilities, we do rely a lot on the support of our parents in a few different ways:

Emotional support:

I want my parents to be a steady presence in my life-not just to offer advice, but to listen without judgment. Knowing that my parents respect my choices builds huge confidence and our connection.

Help with childcare:

Childcare is incredibly expensive, so practical help around school holidays and the occasional support to enable us to spend time together as a couple are hugely valuable. Their flexibility and willingness to follow our parenting style is exactly what we need.

Taking care of themselves:

Thankfully my parents are in great physical and mental health, something they work at each day, which in turn inspires me to work towards being at my fittest. I hope they continue to prioritise this for us all to enjoy life's great moments together.

What I hope my children learn from my parents:

I want my children to grow up knowing and loving their grandparents, not just through fantastic weekend visits together full of fun, laughter and joy, but as active storytellers, wisdom-sharers, and people who model love, resilience and a zest for life!

I feel incredibly lucky to be navigating our way through our careers, parenthood and life with the guidance and continual support of our parents - thank you for everything you do."

Shia’s Reflection

And as Shia (my CMO) shared with me recently, his view on grand parenting is simple, honest, and beautifully true:

“Being a great grandparent to me is all about easing the stress, getting their own fix of giggles and mischief, and always swearing they didn’t give that much sugar before handing the little ones back. It’s about being a steady support system — an extra pair of hands, ears and heart to help keep us sane.”

Words that made me smile – and reminded me that grand parenting isn’t just about legacy; it’s about presence, lightness, and love in the everyday.

The Reality of Ageing Parents

While my mother is ever-present in my life, my stepfather's dementia diagnosis has introduced a new set of challenges - logistical, emotional, existential.

As the World Health Organisation (https://www.who.int/health-topics/dementia#tab=tab_1) notes, over 55 million people globally live with dementia, with nearly 10 million new cases every year. It's a public health crisis, yes - but it's also a deeply personal one. Watching a once-vibrant mind recede is an ache I wouldn't wish on anyone.

And yet, amid the sadness, there's connection. Glimpses of old memories. Shared laughter over old tunes. You hold on to the moments that remind you they're still in there.

But what a crisis across the world as millions of our families and friends lose themselves to different forms of dementia.

The Fine yet Complex Art of Parenting (& Grand Parenting!)

So often, we throw around toxic phrases – sometimes towards ourselves, sometimes towards others. But what impact do these have on our mental health and resilience, especially in seasons where life feels heavy?

⛔ Toxic Phrases We Need To Stop Saying To Kids ⛔

For a whole host of family and travel reasons, I have been witnessing the complex relationships between many parents/grandparents and their children with a new set of lenses. I was very interested to read in the Huffington Post this article by Catherine Pearson about ‘well-intentioned parents’, the things they say to their children, and alternative responses, and I've picked out some highlights!

🔗https://lnkd.in/dJ-_8E7F

1. “It makes me sad/angry/happy when you do XYZ”

"Many parents believe they are teaching their children about empathy when they use this phrase. However, this sentence sends a message to kids that they are the cause of our big feelings, and that they are responsible for managing them. Ultimately, children might start hiding things from the adults in their life for fear of upsetting them."

➡ "Save the lesson on empathy for another time, and just stick to the facts. Acknowledge how they feel and then clearly state your boundary by starting the sentence with, ‘I won’t let you ... (hit me, kick your brother, etc.)'."

2. “Don’t be rude. Give so-and-so a hug.”

"This one often comes up around holiday time when families are getting together, or right before bedtime when a parent urges their kiddo to give a grandparent a hug, even if their child isn’t into it."

"However, what we teach our children in those moments, is that their own boundaries don’t matter", said Ashurina Ream, founder of Psyched Mommy. When we force our kids to go hug somebody, we teach them that they need to perform to please others. We’re also teaching them to ignore the signals their body sends them."

➡ "This is a boundary parents really might need to hold firm for their children. Tell them it’s totally OK if they’d prefer to fist bump, blow a kiss or even just wave goodbye or good night. Ask them: 'What feels good to you?'. Reassure them that they can still show respect and love toward others while listening to their own bodies."

3. “That’s not true!”

"'I actually caught myself doing this recently' Ream said. Her son told her that no one ever wants to play with him. 'My instinct is to say, that’s not true!’. When children tell us something that’s bothering them, and our instinct is to respond 'that’s not true,' they hear that we don’t believe them, or that their own instincts or reading on a given situation are not to be trusted. Even if what they’re saying is silly, it’s their reality at the end of the day!"

➡ "Instead, be curious. Ask questions like: 'What makes you think that?' Our job is to make sure our children feel comfortable coming to us with all of their emotions, and to really listen when they do.

To all you parents, grandparents, and children out there…what makes for great parenting, caring or coaching for young children? Any tips of advice?

Why Does Women's Fertility End in Midlife?

This piece stopped me in my tracks:

👉 Grandmothering and Age at Last Birth - ScienceDirect

It argues that menopause isn't an evolutionary accident - it exists so we can step off the biological production line and nurture the next generation.

It affirms something I've long believed: our wisdom, energy and presence in later life isn't a footnote. It's central.

Fat Nanna, Corkie, PooPoo and Stan! The new craze of Grandparent Nickname's ❤️

I rarely smile at material in the Daily Mail but did at this article (https://lnkd.in/ekX6gB7V) as our own names for grandsons True and Barnaby are BabaKorn and Papa G!

I love Fat Nanna, Corkie, Poo Poo and Stan as Grandparents names extraordinaire!

Whatever we are called, research shows children seem happier with grandparents involved in their lives.

What are your favourite Grandparent nicknames? 

Further Reading: Real Stories, Reflections & Resources

1. Being Fun as a Grandparent → On the power of presence, joy and play.

2. Grandparenting and Partnership → How to navigate the fine lines between guidance, boundaries and support.

3. Reflections on Parenthood → Lessons from the early days and the long-term view.

4. On Being an Educator Beyond the Classroom → Why every grandparent is a teacher — and what they pass on matters.

Finding Our Way Back: A Note on Ikigai

In all the busy-ness of being sandwiched - between generations, responsibilities, and emotions - I’ve found myself returning to the simple but powerful idea of Ikigai: that sweet spot where what you love, what you're good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for all meet.

But it doesn't need to be a grand mission.

Ikigai can be found in the every day. In the windowsill herbs we water each morning, the neighbourly chats, the raised beds in the Gressenhall garden, the walks we take, and the company we keep. It lives in community, in rhythm, in noticing what lights you up and choosing to follow that spark again and again.

As I wrote in a recent post:

“My Third Act is about paying attention. To self. To Purpose. To people. To the planet.”

If you’re feeling the weight of it all the guilt, the grind, the ‘where do I fit in now?’ 

Know this: You don’t have to find all the answers today. But you can begin by asking the right questions.

And that, perhaps, is where our next chapter begins.

🪴 Read the full post on Ikigai here

In moments like these – of overwhelm, caregiving, balancing demands, and facing personal truths – I go back to the advice I gave myself as a leader running large corporations:

✅ You have to take very good care of yourself if you want to help others. ✅ Your mental and physical wellbeing isn’t optional – it’s essential.

I’ve written about this before:

🔗 On the weight of memory Why looking back can both ground and burden us – and how to hold it lightly. https://www.harrietgreen.com/behind-the-green-curtain/behind-the-green-curtain-the-weight-of-memory

🔗 On mental health breakthroughs A reminder that even the smallest shift can lead to a powerful new chapter. https://www.linkedin.com/posts/harrietg_mentalhealth-selfcare-breakthroughmoments-activity-7200397762050301952-7JW2

🔗 On brain health and leadership Why taking care of our minds is as important as leading with them. https://www.linkedin.com/posts/harrietg_brain-mentalhealth-wellness-activity-7048929647031451648-z4V2

And lately, I’ve found that embracing the Ikigai approach – knowing what I love, what the world needs, what I’m good at, and what can sustain me – is helping me stay strong enough to keep serving others.

After all, I might have 25, maybe 30 summers left… or just one.

Time is our most precious commodity. Use it wisely.

If this resonates with you, or you have your own thoughts or stories to share, reply and let's continue the conversation. Let's normalise the highs, the lows, and the grit it takes to live in the middle of the sandwich.

Warmest

Harriet