Coaching 101: Understanding Instructive vs. Reflective Questions

How are you?

Have you ever been in a conversation with your manager that ended up feeling more like a lecture?

Or perhaps you felt like you were being interrogated?

Chances are, it had something to do with the type of questions they were asking.

In leadership and coaching, the way we ask questions can either expand or limit how people think. That’s why it’s essential to recognise: are we asking to open up awareness, or are we (perhaps unconsciously) steering the conversation towards our own preferred solution?

Let’s explore two types of questions that often come up, but have very different impacts: instructive questions and reflective questions.

1. Instructive Questions: Sound Like Questions, But Actually Lead

Instructive questions may sound like they’re asking, but often carry a hidden intention: to guide the other person toward a particular answer.

Common characteristics:

• They include the asker’s assumptions.
• They feel more like “teaching” or subtle instructions.
• They often make the other person feel tested, not truly invited to think.

Examples:

• “Have you tried doing it the A way?”
• “Why didn’t you follow the proper procedure?”
• “Wouldn’t it be better if you just did it like this?”

The issue? These questions can make people feel cornered. Not only do they risk feeling inadequate, but they also may become afraid of making mistakes, and lose their space to think independently.

The result? People may comply, but without genuine understanding or ownership.

2. Reflective Questions: Invite Awareness, Not Direction

In contrast, reflective questions are designed to open up internal dialogue. Their aim isn’t to provide answers, but to help someone uncover their own insights.

Common characteristics:

• Neutral and non-judgemental.
• Encourage exploration rather than evaluation.
• Promote introspection and self-awareness.

Examples:

• “What led you to choose that approach?”
• “What have you learnt from this experience?”
• “What might shift if you looked at this from a different angle?”
• “What does this result mean to you personally?”

Reflective questions help people feel heard, empowered, and respected.

The result? They become more confident, take greater ownership of their decisions, and grow into independent thinkers.

So, Which Type of Question Should You Use?

It depends on the context, of course. But if your goal is to:

• Encourage long-term growth,
• Foster ownership and responsibility,
• Develop self-aware and independent teams,

...then reflective questions are the more powerful choice.

Instructive questions direct. Reflective questions awaken.

As a leader, coach, or mentor, the quality of your questions can be the doorway to deeper thinking, greater confidence, and more meaningful action in others.

So, from today, try asking yourself:

“Am I asking to provide the answer, or to help them discover their own awareness?”

It’s a small shift in intention, but one that can make a huge difference.

Feel free to share this post with your network 🙏

M. Adithia Amidjaya, S.Si., M.Sc., PCC

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My ICF-PCC Credential

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