Coaching: The Game-Changer for All?

Prelude - why this was written.

This article was written after my senior from the military Mayank Bhardwaj, MBA saw this call for article on the Forces Network in which the flavour of the month was discussions on the Self improvement Industry & I being a person who is always keen on a journey of self exploration decided to dive in, using this as a catalyst. That's the back story of this article. ultimately it was published.

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝑾𝒆 𝑳𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝑰𝒏

We all recognize that we live in a hyper-competitive environment & where both successes and failures are magnified.  This environment can be very cruel both to the performers & the average performers. I think the pressure on the performers is more as it stems from the analysis of performance and the potential for significant consequences [maybe failure]. People mistakenly connect performers with being mentally strong to & the converse of failures [who is a failure is the question] being mentally weak.

𝑾𝒉𝒐 𝑪𝒂𝒏 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝑻𝒖𝒓𝒏 𝑻𝒐?

This pressure raises an important question as who do these performers turn to for support in navigating their mental battles? Who, would they be turning to for becoming their better self? Can a mentor be the answer for the way ahead? Should they go to a Guru? Should their family members be a better bet? Or should they trust their spouse who can also be a source of guidance. None of these choices are wrong depending on what you want to achieve. Who can I Trust is the question? is the most important question that has to be addressed. In addition to these above choices a person can also avail the services of a coach. The next logical question would be what does a coach bring to the table that a mentor/Guru/family member/friend/spouse would not bring?

A trained coach who has done some amount of self-work [this is an evolutionary process - never ending]would be able to be a non-judgemental partner who can walk with the client for addressing the clients’ issues. The coach would be able to provide safe space lavishly supplemented with meaningful silence & empathetic listening skills. After some amount of self-work, the coach would be equipped hold the space for you. As a coach they are focused on the requirements of the client & not super impose their own ideas or provide any solutions. A typical coaching journey commences with the coach understanding what the client needs to discuss. There is no premeditated tirade that is let loose on the client which can make the client divert from their own desires or things that they want to discuss.  A coach can also be an accountability partner & this is an important aspect in the process.  

𝑫𝒐𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑪𝒐𝒂𝒄𝒉 𝑯𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂 𝑴𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒄 𝑾𝒂𝒏𝒅?

So does this mean that the coach has a magic wand with whose twirl that all things are set right. No. The client is the person who has all the required magic that is required for breaking out of all their roadblocks. The coach walks along with the client & assists them in rediscovering themselves by peeling back the different layers that may have formed like a callous. These layers when gently teased back may become the catalyst to assisting the client in empowering themselves to becoming a better version of themselves.  This process goes a long way in raising the confidence of the client & making them better problem solvers, decision makers & improve their self confidence too.

𝑪𝒐𝒂𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝑽𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒏

I personally had coaching session with a transitioning veteran. The gent wanted to land a post-retirement job. In between there were hurdles of what stream would the person be suited. Which city should he be focusing on for the ideal break? His parents/in laws are growing old. What should be the right price point for breaking into the corporate world? He has lived away from his family for most of his service-life & so he wants to spend with them. He wanted to redo his own home so wants to be close by. Children are of marriageable age so wanting to get them married [this is an Indian thing] & also support them too. The list went on till infinity.

With this seemingly never-ending list of wants I decided to ask him what he really wanted to do. This process of - what he really wanted to do took 2 hours wherein he just vented out all his frustrations & compulsions that was straitjacketing him. I used the wheel of life for assisting him in prioritising what he wanted to do. Armed with this newfound clarity. In his ah ha moment he found that he had enough money & assets with him that would enable him to continue maintaining his present lifestyle. So, there was no need of being in a tearing hurry to pick something that would not be in synch with his requirements. He also shared that one of his children had just landed a job in a different city while the other was going abroad for higher education. That meant that all the support that he could extend to his kids would boil down to being remote support father. His wife was an educator whose clients were in different time zone & so could work from home. In his moment of revelation he understood that his parents & his in-laws were in different locations so there was no way that he could be with both of them. So the solution that he & his wife decided was to pick a city for living which would be a in between location so that they could shuttle to both locations as per requirements, with least amount of discomfort. About him getting a job he decided that he would not pick up a job as in a typical corporate job. And after much soul searching, he decided to partner with a cloud kitchen set up in the city & be an auditor for the different kitchens operating in the locations.

Looking at the solutions that he came up with was not a bullet proof solution. But this was the solution that worked best for him. Now. Over the course of the discussion he also disclosed that his mental turmoil was emanating from his guilt complex of not being there for his close family due to his military service conditions. Again when when he was given non-judgemental space he could analyse it. Post peeling back the different layers that society & family members had superimposed on him. He found that he was a great supportive family man. In fact he was comparing himself to some mythical father figure who only existed in the celluloid world. The coaching sessions liberated him & ended up in him getting new directions. The best part was that none of his directions was mine it was his very own. I just gave him the space to think through his self created maze.

𝑷𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝑺𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑩𝒐𝒂𝒓𝒅

Contrary to what i had done - If I had started advising him directly, then my advice would have been just another opinion coloured by personal agendas like those he had already received from umpteen others. Coaching sessions allowed him to find his own path, resulting in immense satisfaction and sustainability. While our connections may wish us well, they often cannot play the role of a coach effectively. For majority of mortals giving solutions & getting emotionally attached to the solutions is par for the course. But that is something that is rarely what our clients truly want.

 As Victor Frankl said:

𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒍𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏

Coaching is about listening without judgment and providing clients with a safe space for self-reflection. A successful coach continuously works on themselves to become better versions of themselves while empowering their clients to do the same.

Can coaching be a game changer? Well that solely depends upon the requirement of the client. If the client has been honest with the coach during discussions & the client follows up on whatever points that was committed to then there will be change.

Nik Wallenda, a high-wire artist and the seventh generation of the performing Great Wallendas who walked the tightrope over the Niagara Falls always believed in himself. His practice & his beliefs provided the backing for undertaking this feat.

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Please read my article which tweaked due to some typos that had crept in. It was detected by Sheela Thomas & Anindita Mukherjee PCC - ICF - thanks to both for going through it & giving me the feedback.