Contagious Calm: The Quiet Power of Owning What Is Yours

By Stewart Skomra

Each Saturday morning, I gather virtually with an extraordinary circle of people called Friends of Peter (FOP), formed by and around the quiet leadership and connective genius of Peter Strople. Peter is often called "the most connected man in America," but to those of us who’ve been part of his circle, he’s something even rarer: a presence of contagious calm. Every week, we reflect on a theme. This week’s is just that — Contagious Calm.

In a world overwhelmed by noise, reaction, and blame, calm has become more than a personality trait — it is a signal of clarity. And more importantly, a sign of maturity.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on a triad that quietly governs every human initiative:

Authority. Responsibility. Accountability.

Every time we take action or influence others, we engage all three. Authority and Responsibility can be shared, delegated, or even withdrawn. But Accountability — that final tether between action and ownership — can never be passed off. It is indivisible.

Let’s define them:

• Authority is the right to Author the Plan — to initiate, set direction, and say “this is the way.”

• Responsibility is the obligation to Respond to the Plan — to act according to it, execute, and carry out what has been authored.

• Accountability is the requirement to Account for the results of the Plan — to stand in ownership of the outcomes, whether they met expectations or fell short.

And that simple truth explains why so much conflict exists in teams, communities, and even within ourselves.

The Source of Conflict

Conflict often doesn’t begin with a difference in values or goals. It begins when someone tries to act without being accountable for the outcomes.

And when people reject their accountability, they don’t become free. They become restless. They look for someone or something else to carry the burden they refuse to hold.

So they blame "the system." They blame their colleagues. They blame history, circumstance, or even God. And when no clear target exists, they invent one. They manufacture enemies to assign the weight of accountability to, anyone but themselves.

This is not just poor leadership — it’s a psychological defense mechanism. But one that breeds chaos.

Why Calm Becomes Contagious

Now think of someone who embodies calm. Not a passive bystander or someone detached from consequence, but a leader who is present, grounded, and still.

Chances are, that calm doesn’t come from their charisma. It comes from their willingness to own what is theirs to carry.

These people close the vacuum. They don't chase blame or avoid weight. They acknowledge what belongs to them and they carry it with clarity. Not with drama. Not with denial.

And something remarkable happens in their presence:

Others begin to breathe.

Calm, then, becomes contagious. Not because it is broadcast, but because it is modeled.

What I'm Learning

Recently, I been blessed to be working with Jahn Ballard on his Mastering Leadership Alignment seeing how role confusion, especially around Accountability, is often the root of organizational dysfunction. Leaders try to assign outcomes without fully inhabiting their role. Teams get overloaded with Responsibility without the Authority to act. And Accountability gets lost in the fog.

But when roles are clarified and aligned — when people know exactly what they own, what they are empowered to do, and what they are answerable for — fear dissipates. Blame fades. Trust returns.

Calm follows.

That’s the kind of leadership alignment I’m committed to building. Because that kind of clarity doesn’t just improve performance — it restores peace.

The Call

Contagious Calm doesn’t mean staying quiet. It doesn’t mean avoiding action. It means showing up fully and owning what is yours — no more, no less.

In a world obsessed with influence, the most powerful influence we can offer is calm. And the root of that calm is not control, but accountability.

I would love to hear your reflections. Where have you experienced contagious calm? And how does accountability play a role in the atmosphere you create?

#Leadership #Accountability #Calm #MasteringLeadershipAlignment #EmotionalIntelligence #FriendsOfPeter #PeterStrople

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