Conversations About Money: Merging Your Finances

You’ve found a partner, built a life together, and now you’re thinking about moving in together. Before making all the fun decisions, such as where to live and how to furnish your space, take some time to discuss how you will merge your finances.

Combining finances can be one of the most emotionally charged and practically complex decisions a couple makes. It involves trust, transparency, and, above all, communication. And yet, many couples dive into shared expenses or joint accounts without ever having a clear conversation about what it means for their relationship, their values, or their future. It’s best to start talking before you've booked the moving van.

So, how do you navigate it with clarity and confidence?

You can start by talking about what you want for a shared foundation. Why are you taking this step? Have your conversation revolve around planning together rather than control.

These are some of the questions you'll eventually want to talk about.

How do you each approach money, spending, and saving?

If you haven’t read it, I suggest visiting our website and searching for the "Money Personalities" article to understand some basic propensities towards money.

Understanding how you approach money and how your partner views it is a good starting point that will help you to understand some issues that could affect you as you move forward together. Some of this is practical, involving your behavior, and a big part of it is emotional. Understanding each component will help you approach this in a way that benefits both of you.

If you are a diligent saver who prefers to work the sales rack when you shop and you are moving in with a compulsive spender, you may want to set up your finances to protect yourself from acquiring debt that isn’t yours.

What are your goals? 

What are your shared financial goals, both long-term and short-term? This can be a fun facet of the conversation. What do you both want separately and together? Your goals set the tone for the financial decisions you will make as a couple. Do you want to go away for a long weekend when you are saving to buy a house?

Goals help you develop a framework for understanding what tradeoffs are involved in your decisions.

What’s Your Current Financial Situation? 

Begin this as an exploration of your ideas, plans for the future, and how you currently manage your finances. Then start wading into deeper water where you ultimately spell out the details of what you have, what you own, and how you spend and save. We all have financial baggage, both literal and emotional.

Share everything from the debt you hold, the credit cards you use, and how you save. By starting this conversation at a time when you aren’t feeling financial stress, you can be open and objectively plan together. If you wait to talk until after something has happened, such as a job loss or the discovery of an unpaid bill, you may have a more emotionally charged conversation.

Identify the issues that you have to plan around, such as one partner earns more, has far more debt than the other, or one of you has other obligations like alimony. If you don’t understand the complete financial picture, you can’t make informed decisions together. Once you identify your particular issues, you can develop a plan that works for both of you.

Will Combining Your Finances Benefit You? 

Discuss the ups and downs of combining finances. Be mindful of negative emotions that arise in your discussion and identify the “why” behind them. You need to address the thoughts or beliefs behind the feelings. If you are uncomfortable giving up control, you need to factor that into your plan.

Money will bring up feelings, and you need to be comfortable addressing them together. Prevent financial infidelity from entering your relationship by opting for objectivity and reserving judgment.

Three Options for Combining your Money:

1. Joint Accounts – Pool all finances into shared accounts.

2. Separate Accounts – Keep individual accounts.

3. Hybrid Approach – Combine finances for shared expenses while maintaining individual accounts for personal spending.

Once your method is chosen, set agreements on how to manage the combined finances. This includes deciding on how much you will each contribute to joint accounts, budgeting for shared expenses, and setting spending limits.

How will you handle existing debt? Discussing this regularly helps address concerns as they take place and ensures both partners stay aligned.

After agreeing on the structure, put your plan into action. Set up your joint accounts. Determine who will manage which bills. Use shared financial apps and tools. Schedule regular check-ins to review your progress and ensure you're on track.

A Little Advice

Regardless of how you decide to combine your money, there are a few things that are important for all of us. While one person may play the lead on your finances, don’t give up participating. You need to know what’s happening with your money and be involved in the decisions being made.

Maintain a separate savings account as your emergency fund, just in case.

Don’t set impossible standards for yourself or your partner; you are both destined for failure.

Remember, your plan doesn’t have to be permanent. Life changes, and your financial approach can evolve with you.

Bring in a Pro

If conversations about money become overly emotional or confusing, it may be time to bring in your financial advisor. A neutral, experienced third party can help explain the numbers, highlight your values, and offer some structure to the discussion. Sometimes, an outside perspective can provide objectivity and prevent the conversation from devolving into a purely emotional one.

They can help to create a constructive financial framework based on your shared vision for the future.

Stay Focused on Communication

Merging money is about so much more than numbers. It’s about trust, values, and partnership.

The conversations you have now will shape the financial foundation you build together.

Discussing money at the outset can feel uncomfortable, but when approached with honesty and without judgment, it can be a powerful act of mutual understanding and partnership.

Do you have any more questions about merging your finances? Reach out to our team of experts today! 

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