The Cost of Becoming: What I Had to Lay Down to Rise

By Emmanuel Takwi

There is a price to becoming, and it is rarely what we expect. Usually, it is paid in silence.

Most of the time, we think growth comes from pushing harder, such as doing more and acquiring new skills. But I learned something much harder and far more humbling in my journey: “Becoming demands subtraction, and not just addition”. It demands letting go.

·       Letting go of the parts of you that once made you feel strong, but were only protecting your fears.

·       Letting go of the roles you wore like Armor, because underneath them, you felt unseen.

·       Letting go of old beliefs that whispered, “If I release this, I will look weak.”

And that… is where the real cost lies.

What I Thought Growth Would Feel Like

I once believed that growth would feel like triumph or stepping into new levels with clarity, certainty, and recognition. But what I experienced instead was this:

It wasn’t easy at all. It cost me the comfort of the identity I had built over the years. But it brought me something far better: and that is, alignment by surrendering ego.

• I had to stay silent even when misunderstood
• Let go of being “right” when I was, to choose what was wise
• Forgive someone who didn’t deserve it, not for them, but to free my own mind
• Admit I didn’t have the answers, even when others looked to me for them

These were not dramatic public gestures. They were quiet, invisible decisions. But they were soul-altering.

The Subtle Ways Ego Tries to Hold Us Back

Do you know what is the hardest thing to release? It is the image you built around strength. One of the hardest things I had to release was my attachment to the version of me that looked strong. The one who always had the answers. The one who didn’t want to appear weak or vulnerable. Here is the paradox I discovered: that version of me which I thought served me once, was rather preventing and limiting me.

Ego will convince us that to let go is to lose. But I’ve come to see it differently. Letting go is not defeat. It is preparation

What you fear will break you is often what frees you. And what you think is weakness, may be your greatest strength in disguise

What Changed When I Released Control?

When I surrendered the need to be seen a certain way, something powerful shifted. I stopped clinging to outcomes. I stopped needing external validation. And in that release, I found space for something unexpected: peace.

I felt lighter. I heard more clearly. I led more authentically.

That is the TRUE cost of becoming: Trading the familiar for the free.

The Truth About Expectations

Yes, it’s important to set goals. But it is equally important to loosen our grip on how things must unfold. Growth often requires us to create space for the unknown. Sometimes, the biggest breakthroughs come not from forcing our way forward, but from releasing the pressure to predict every step.

When I started letting go of my need to be right, recognized, or in control, I made room for grace, and with grace came transformation.

A Gentle Invitation

Maybe there is something you are holding onto that once served you, but now, it is quietly keeping you from your next chapter. Maybe it is time to ask:

• What version of myself have I outgrown?
• What must I release to truly rise?
• Can I surrender without losing who I am?

Becoming isn’t about climbing higher. It is about going deeper. And sometimes the most powerful step forward is the one where you lay something down.

A Closing Reflection

You don’t have to strive to become. You only need to trust the quiet pull within — the one that is calling you to let go, so you can grow.

Because the cost of becoming is real. But so is the freedom that follows.

 Emmanuel Takwi