Crucial Conversations Matter

Probably the best course I've ever taken at work was called "Crucial Conversations." It's about how to have those interactions that might feel difficult to have, especially the kind where strong emotions might get in the way, or fears might bubble up. It's by far one of the best courses I ever took at any company.

I Had To Have a Crucial Conversation Today

This morning, I had to meet with some people and tell them in a friendly, kind, and professional way that they weren't keeping up their part of the bargain in their interactions and the role they play. They'd failed someone who really needed the help, and the ramifications of their efforts deeply hurt the person they were charged with helping.

The conversation was technically difficult, but not for me. I laid out the last several weeks of interactions, reminded them of the stakes of play, and I stated that I wasn't happy with the output we'd received thus far. I clearly stated what I wanted to see immediately and over the next few weeks, and gave them explicit tasks I felt might rectify the situation.

Do You See All the Benefits There?

I'll list them out:

• I spoke quite clearly that these people's output wasn't acceptable.
• I explained clearly the ramifications of the experience.
• I requested quite clearly next steps that I wanted to see taken, as well as the outcome I wanted those steps to achieve.

Even if someone feels bad that they didn't quite nail the assignment, I'm sure you can agree they'll feel at least some relief knowing a restatement of the expectations and what they can do to get everything back on track. If this were you receiving that information, wouldn't that help more than someone NOT telling you anything and just feeling bad about things?

No One Benefits From Dodging Difficult/Crucial Conversations

Here's the unfortunate irony: not 3 hours later, I made a mistake. A rather unfortunate one. It was all my fault. I jumped the gun after trying to anticipate and act. I added to stress with my mistake, instead of taking away from it, which was my sole intent of the action I took. :(

When reporting it, I know the person who let me know just how wrong my move had been was worried that I'd be hurt by the feedback. But the opposite was true: I welcomed the correction, understood immediately my error, and I set about correcting the mistake.

I made it clear to the person that I understood immediately my mistake, regretted the misunderstanding. I said that I wasn't upset or hurt by the correction. (This was a potentially really bad mistake - but just a matter of me trying to help where I could've recommended.)

Meaning: because I had a great relationship with this person, they knew they could talk to me frankly. We could work through the error. We could resolve and keep going forward.

That's the Biggest Issue: Delaying Crucial Conversations EATS UP TIME

I've said this repeatedly: we treat time as if it's infinite and money as if it's not. Time is THE core vector that can change everything else. More than any other force in the universe (except maybe love), I think TIME is where the magic is at, if you're with me on this.

That first situation, I felt confident enough to have a crucial conversation, and hopefully, that'll set that team back on track fast. (I need it to be fast.)

In the second situation (my mistake), because we got to the detail quickly, nobody had to waste any time. I could take action to correct my misunderstanding. The person could tell me what I did and what not to do next time, etc. Fast. Much faster than just bad feelings all around.

Benefits All Around

Oh, and that's the other benefit. Beyond time, which is an actual real, tangible, money-impacting force in the world, emotions are all better preserved with this kind of interaction.

So, learn to be better at having crucial conversations. Value them. Accept that the world works SO much better if you approach conversations head on instead of dodging around them.

There you have it.

Now, I have to go for a walk and shake it off. Shake it off. Sh - sh...

Chris...