The Dark Side of Personality series: introducing the Reserved derailer

In today’s workplace, where connection, presence, and communication are prized leadership traits, being calm and composed is often seen as a strength. Leaders who don’t overreact, who can hold their emotions in check, and who maintain boundaries are often valued for their steadiness.

But when that composure tips into emotional detachment, avoidance of engagement, or coldness, it may reflect the Reserved derailer.

According to the Hogan Development Survey (HDS), individuals high in Reserved tend to withdraw from others under pressure, keep people at arm’s length, and appear aloof, unapproachable, or emotionally distant. While this might serve as a coping strategy, it can undermine trust, collaboration, and psychological safety.

What is the Reserved Derailer?

The Reserved derailer describes a leadership style that leans heavily on privacy, distance, and emotional containment. Under stress, these leaders may retreat into themselves, limit contact with others, and struggle to build warmth and rapport.

To colleagues, Reserved leaders may appear:

• Uncaring or indifferent

• Reluctant to give or receive feedback

• Uninterested in people’s emotions or perspectives

• Hard to read or emotionally unavailable

While the intent may be to stay focused or avoid conflict, the impact is often a lack of engagement and emotional connection.

Why It Matters in the Workplace

Leadership is not just about delivering results—it’s about mobilising people, and that requires visibility, presence, and relational energy.

Unchecked, the Reserved derailer can lead to:

• Reduced team cohesion: People feel disconnected or undervalued

• Poor communication: Silence is interpreted as criticism or disapproval

• Feedback avoidance: Performance issues remain unspoken

• A culture of detachment: Engagement and morale decline

Leaders high in Reserved may be surprised to learn that doing less or being absent emotionally is often interpreted negatively—even when that’s not their intention.

How to Manage the Reserved Derailer

Managing the Reserved derailer means recognising where emotional withdrawal or minimal communication can be counterproductive, and working to stay engaged, available, and connected—especially under pressure.

1. Acknowledge the Tendency

Notice when you're pulling away. Ask:

• Am I withdrawing because I’m protecting myself—or avoiding something?

• What is the cost of my silence or distance to others right now?

Awareness is the first step in changing the pattern.

2. Stretch Your Presence

Challenge yourself to show up in moments when you’d usually stay in the background. This could be:

• Giving more frequent informal feedback

• Starting meetings with a check-in

• Simply showing curiosity in people’s views

Small signals of presence go a long way.

3. Practise Emotional Transparency

You don’t need to “bare your soul”—but try saying things like:

• “I’m thinking this over, but I appreciate your input.”

• “This is tough to discuss, but I want to get it right.”

Letting people see your thought process humanises you and builds trust.

4. Schedule Connection

If interaction doesn’t come naturally, make it a habit:

• Weekly one-to-ones

• Regular appreciation messages

• Time set aside for informal conversations

Intention beats instinct when it comes to relational leadership.

5. Work with a Coach

Coaching can provide a safe space to explore why you might hold back emotionally or avoid deeper connection. It also helps you develop authentic ways of expressing presence without feeling exposed.

From Distant to Present

Being Reserved doesn’t mean you lack empathy or care—it may simply be that your internal world is rich, but rarely shared. The risk is that others experience you as unavailable, cold, or indifferent.

The good news is, emotional presence is a learnable behaviour. By stretching your comfort zone and making small relational moves, Reserved leaders can balance calm with connection, creating teams that feel both safe and supported.