Dazed and Confused - What do we truly want???

Have you ever been stuck trying to figure out what you want? This can be anything as simple as 'what do I want to do this weekend?' or as big as 'what do I want to be when I grow up?'

I've often struggled with those questions from time to time but quickly moved past them and didn't think much of it. Recently I've been working on doing something different with my life, thinking for myself for once, considering a change from the beaten path of school > more school > job > more job > retire. I know I have to make a living, and I know there are lots of ways to do that, but what do I want to do? what impact do I want to make? What kind of work will have meaning for me?

I had the luxury to ask myself those questions, and then an even bigger question came - why the F can't I figure out what I want - this should be easy, right? Wrong!

So I looked into it and that's when I discovered Mimetic Desire. The mimetic theory of desire originated with the French philosopher René Girard

Girard observed that even when you put a group of kids together in a room full of toys, they’ll inevitably desire the same toy instead of finding their own toy to play with. A rivalry will emerge. Human see, human want.

"Man is the creature who does not know what to desire, and he turns to others in order to make up his mind. We desire what others desire because we imitate their desires."

I find this theory to be true for me, and I assume it reasonably depicts how most humans operate - from birth we decide what we want by mimicking what is desired by others. This starts to explain why it's so damn hard to figure this out - I've had 40+ years following models of what other people want, and it's a time-consuming process to sift through and unwind that. Not to mention we have unlimited access to all kinds of inputs and ideas to cloud our judgment.

Luke Burgis literally wrote the book on this - he gives a great example

If we choose something that nobody else seems to want, we begin to doubt that we made the right choice. If a high school student starts dating a classmate that none of her friends express even the slightest bit of interest in, she grows insecure. She begins to wonder whether she made the right choice. We seek validation in our desires. We look for social proof.

Yrsa Daley-Ward in her book The How sheds light on the impact of how this theory plays out in everyday life:

Kinda heavy right? It was for me anyway. Of course there is an antidote to solve this riddle. I have not found any hack or shortcut for this one. This process involves a lot of deconditioning to some pretty entrenched habits and thinking patterns. This solution is 'simple' but not easy. It requires minimizing distractions (basically anything to do with your phone or a screen) and finding time just to sit quietly, repeatedly, and consistently. I know it seems impossible, but it's not - it's simply a question of priority. For me, this became a priority; something felt off about the path I was on, the path most people follow; I felt compelled to figure it out, so I make the time.

This is how your mindworx, it's designed to mimic others; if you want something different for your life, use this understanding to your advantage. It's probably very difficult to shut off mimetic desire; maybe the best solution is to use it in your favor and be quite intentional about who your role models are, only mimic the models that offer you the type of life you want to live. My biggest piece of advice: JUST BE QUIET 🤫, it's the ultimate remedy. This one is hard work, but it's worth it.