Do It Afraid: A Note on Courage

I tell my kids, what is the difference between a hero and a coward? What is the difference between being yellow and being brave? No difference. Only what you do. They both feel the same. They both fear dying and getting hurt. The man who is yellow refuses to face up to what he’s got to face. The hero is more disciplined and he fights those feelings off and he does what he has to do. But they both feel the same, the hero and the coward. People who watch you judge you on what you do, not how you feel. — Cus D’Amato, legendary boxing trainer

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. — Nelson Mandela

Courage is an unnatural act — acting regardless of how you feel. Yet it is by stepping outside your comfort zone that you grow. This is a subject we explored at this week’s book club session. Courage can show up in the everyday — choosing to speak out instead of staying silent, choosing to learn a new skill, choosing to share your content with the world without knowing how it will be received. Choosing to say yes to the opportunity even when you feel unready. Choosing to acknowledge when you’re wrong. The list goes on and on and on.

Courage is also a muscle. This means that with regular practice, it can be cultivated. And without practice, it wastes away. Ben Horowitz observes that in life, we constantly face choices, between doing what’s popular, easy, and wrong versus what’s lonely, difficult, and right. And truthfully, we can always find a reason to take the easier path. But every time you choose the hard, right thing, you become a little more courageous. Every time you choose the easy, wrong thing, you become a little less. If you are a CEO or leader, your choices lead to a courageous or cowardly company/team.

Courage is not only about grand heroic acts. It is also deeply tied to vulnerability. Being vulnerable means opening yourself up to the possibility of rejection, failure, and criticism. And so, learning to be vulnerable is a powerful way to build courage. When you begin sharing your thoughts and feelings, first with people you trust, then slowly in wider spaces, you are practicing courage.

I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what — Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

Courage also means living in alignment with your values. At its core, courage is about being true to yourself and making choices that reflect your deepest convictions, even when it’s uncomfortable and risky. Therefore, to build courage, you need to know your personal values, so you can take the steps to live courageously in them. Brené Brown , in her book Dare to Lead, offers a list of values and challenges us to narrow them down to just two core ones. It’s tough work. You’ll want to pick twenty. But the process of asking yourself hard questions and choosing just two will help you have a compass (your values) to guide your courageous decisions.

Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently — Maya Angelou

So, how do we build courage?

1. Set small manageable goals that require courage — such as speaking up at a meeting, trying a new hobby, speaking honestly to a friend, learning to advocate for self and others, or embracing change.
2. Practice vulnerability.
3. Reflect on past successes.

To try is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard of life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, live, and love. — Leo Buscaglia

If your dreams don’t scare you, they’re not big enough — Ellen Johnson Sirleaf

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline — 2 Timothy 1:7

This week, take one courageous step — however small. Speak up. Reach out. Begin the thing you’ve been postponing. Say no when it matters. Say yes, even if your voice trembles. And reflect: What does living courageously look like for me this season?

Happy New Month