Don't Tell Me Lies, Don't Tell Me Sweet Little Lies (and Skip the Trauma Dump) 🎶

Welcome back fellow upskillers and 100$ billers! Today we talk about balancing authenticity and oversharing.

And if this is your first time here, thank you for giving my alternative perspective a chance.

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Fact: Oversharing Might Be the New Overspending

The modern workplace is asking leaders to “be more real.”

Show vulnerability.

Be authentic.

Open up.

But here’s the thing nobody warns you about: Constant emotional exposure doesn’t build connection—it drains it.

We've all seen these three cases, or reality-drama shows:

• The leader who shares deeply… and then feels like they need a nap and a therapist.
• The exec who trauma-dumps at a town hall, making their burnout your burden.
• The manager who never opens up, so the team assumes they’re a corporate robot programmed in HR.

Excessive self-disclosure—especially around mental health, burnout, or personal hardships—can become draining, misinterpreted, or even counterproductive.

Enter "Sustainable Self-Disclosure." The middle ground between "never share" and "too much information, Dave."

TL; DR (For Leaders Who Love a Good Trauma Dump)

• Sustainable Self-Disclosure = sharing personal stories with purpose and limits.
• Too little? You seem robotic. Too much? You seem unstable.
• Key skills: Framing disclosures, setting boundaries, staying emotionally resilient.
• Best practice: Connect, don’t confide. Inspire, don’t trauma dump.
• Your new mantra: "Lead with the energy of your heart—but guard the power grid."

Exploring the Competency of Sustainable Self-Disclosure

Sustainable Self-Disclosure is the ability to strategically share personal experiences to build connection and credibility, while maintaining emotional balance and professional boundaries.

It’s about knowing the difference between:

• What to share.
• When to share it.
• How to do it in a way that strengthens your leadership presence—not exhausts it.

Sharing a personal story when someone is sharing a personal story can be perceived as an attempt to hijack the conversation or overshadow the initial person's story. Use personal stories to connect and showcase empathy, instead of holding a TED Talk.

Without this balance, you risk:

• Draining yourself by constantly rehashing personal struggles.
• Eroding credibility if your story sounds like a performance—or a plea.
• Making your team feel more awkward than inspired.

Let’s be honest—no one wants to wonder if their boss is okay halfway through a budget review holding the keys to their job security.

Frame personal stories as growth experiences, not therapy sessions.

So, how to find out what "level" of Sustainable Self-Disclosure you're on?

Time to pay the piper. Here's how you find out if you're the life of the office party, or the person turning the lights out:

• Do you leave conversations feeling energized—or emotionally hungover?
• Are you sharing to teach and connect, or to vent and seek validation?
• Have you ever regretted being too open in a professional setting?
• Does your team feel more connected to you—or just more confused by you?
• Would your disclosures make sense in a leadership podcast… or a group therapy circle?

If you're cringing right now, good. That’s your self-awareness clocking in. And the start of your self-disclosing sustainability journey.

At the individual level you'll share meaningfully, not compulsively. You'll be perceived as both authentic and professional, because you understand the concept of appropriateness. Your emotional battery won't get fried by every fireside chat.

Sustainable Self-Disclosure is about understanding how to balance openness with emotional resilience. It's about knowing when self-disclosure enhances credibility vs. when it becomes self-serving.

At the Organizational level where people understand Sustainable Self-Disclosure, we could expect to see:

• Trust thriving because people feel seen—without being overwhelmed.
• Leaders modeling healthy vulnerability, encouraging safe and open dialogue.
• Clarity between sharing to connect and oversharing to cope.

In other words, it's about sharing personal experiences in a way that strengthens relationships, and enhances leadership influence—without causing personal depletion or undermining professional boundaries.

How do we get there?

Well, it's the same for all upskilling and inner work efforts: you get what you invest in the process.

But you could start with these questions:

• What is the real purpose behind your story—connection or catharsis? Is it about you, or the person you are sharing your story to?
• How do you know when to share and when to hold back? Can you Feel the difference, or is it a guessing game for you?
• Do you understand the timing other people use when sharing personal stories?
• Do your disclosures create space for others—or dominate the space entirely? Are you trauma dumping or trauma bonding?
• How do you recover emotionally after sharing something personal at work?
• Are you role modeling healthy vulnerability or confusing your team about boundaries? Do your vulnerability speeches end with a position of strength, or defeat?

Closing Remarks

So next time you want to “open up,” pause and ask: Is this helping them grow—or just helping me cope?

Because leadership isn’t about emotional nudity—it’s about emotional responsibility.

"Share the story, not the scar tissue."

Enjoy the weekend!

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