Embrace the Friction: The Catalyst for Your Next Level Growth

If you have ever tried to light a match, you will know it won’t spark without friction. That same tension, that rub, that resistance—it’s what unlocks the fire inside you.

Too many of us avoid friction because it feels uncomfortable. But here’s the truth: friction is not your enemy. It’s your training ground. Your launchpad. The very force that sharpens you into the person you’re meant to be.

As someone who’s had to pivot, rebrand, rebuild, and reintroduce herself more than once—I can tell you firsthand: every breakthrough I’ve had came wrapped in challenge.

Growth does not come from applause—it comes from high resistance.

What Is Friction, Really?

In physics, friction is any force that opposes motion. But in personal development, it’s the stuff that makes you sweat:

• Rejection

• Criticism

• Burnout

• Conflict

• Career plateaus

• Imposter syndrome

It shows up when you’re stretching outside your comfort zone. Whether that’s launching a business, choosing to heal, speaking up in a boardroom, or taking the leap into your next chapter—friction is always present at the edge of transformation.

And here’s the secret hack: it’s supposed to be.

Friction Is Feedback

Friction Fuels Mental Growth – Why Learning Should Be Hard

Presently we live in a culture obsessed with convenience—one-click answers, instant messaging, AI everything. But here is what most people don’t realise:

Convenience doesn’t teach you resilience. Discomfort does.

Learning Through Struggle Builds Better Brains

A landmark 2014 study from the University of California found that “desirable difficulties” (challenges that make learning harder in the short term) actually improve long-term retention and critical thinking. The study showed that students who had to work harder to understand complex material—even when they made mistakes—learned more deeply than those who received answers instantly.

In simpler terms: struggle strengthens your brain.

Another study from Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck on growth mindset revealed that students who were praised for effort (not talent) developed more grit and higher achievement over time. Those who experienced friction in learning—mistakes, confusion, trial and error—actually became more capable.

“The best learning doesn’t happen when things are easy. It happens when we lean into the hard.” – Carol Dweck

The Downside of Convenience Culture

Technology certainly has its brilliant upsides —but the downside is that it is making it too easy for most of us to avoid challenges and surmount obstacles altogether. There is a certain satisfaction one receives from cracking a difficult task or putting in human effort. Currently google maps prevents us from learning directions. Autocomplete finishes our emails. Generative AI can now write your bio, solve your math, and write your job applications.

But what happens when technology starts to replace mental effort?

Cognitive scientists warn that our brains are wired to grow through friction—problem-solving, failure, uncertainty. When we strip that away in favor of quick results, we weaken our mental muscles.

A recent study shows that over reliance on smartphones reduces analytical thinking. Participants who depended on Google instead of solving problems themselves performed worse on memory and reasoning tests. Interestingly, major tech companies in the Peoples Republic of China coordinated a major switch off of AI tools to help prevent exam malpractice during China's national entrance exams into major universities.

What does this reveal? The more we avoid mental friction, the less we grow and the more dependencies we unwittingly create.

High Achievers and Growth seekers don’t avoid friction—They Leverage It!!!!!

Some of the worlds most iconic success stories came about through friction.

Oprah the media mogul today was once told she wasn’t a good “fit for TV.”

JK Rowling was rejected by 12 major book publishers before getting the offer from Bloomsbury to publish Harry Potter.

Jack Ma was rejected from over 50 jobs before deciding to start global e commerce giant Ali Baba.

In the case of my own father Dr. Olisa Agbakoba, SAN his application to be a Senior Advocate of Nigeria SAN (equivalent of Kings Counsel in the UK) was dismissed for ten years straight during the military rule of Sani Abacha before he was finally accepted.

Here are a few tips on turning resistance into results, turning lemons into lemonade:

1. Work on your Mindset and Reframe Resistance

When things get less rosy or get a little bumpy ,instead of saying “Why me?” ask, “What is this teaching me?” Resistance in life happens for different reasons sometimes for no reason at all. Never take it personal. See resistance as your opportunity to learn. See it as a teachable moment.

2. Audit Your Circle

Ibukun Awosika a doyenne in the Nigerian financial industry and first female chairperson of First Bank Nigeria has spoke at length about having a circle of close friends to pray with, share with and grow with. She calls it having a support infrastructure. Your growth will naturally create tension. Not everyone will celebrate your expansion. Find the right circle of life board advisors on your journey.

3. Embrace Being a Beginner

Remember that every master was once a beginner and admitting that you do not know it all and have a lot to learn is the path to greatness. Some of the worlds smartest people are lifelong learners. They relish learning and are naturally curious. These will serve you in great stead in life.

4. Take Imperfect Action

Clarity and experience comes from motion—not perfection. The people who are not afraid to try or execute will always get ahead compared with those

5. Rest, but do not Quit

Experiencing friction doesn’t necessarily mean what you have chosen is not for you neither does it mean “stop.” It might mean “pause,” “pivot,” or “recalibrate.” But never ever quit on purpose.

Final Words

The true path to success is not smooth it will have peaks and troughs, highs and lows. There is something to gain from all aspects of your journey. In fact, the moment you find yourself coasting, it is at that point you realise that you have stopped growing.

So the next time you face resistance, don’t pull back. Lean in. Learn through it. Grow through it. I hope you enjoyed this edition of Develop Your A Game. Until next time.