From Major Life Setbacks to Recovery Process towards Success

People go through different phases and setbacks in their lives due to career, personal and health issues. Different events like your sudden job loss, problem with your employer, litigation, loss of money or financial status, separation or divorce, or other issues in relationships, chronic diseases, or illnesses are commonly noticed as setbacks in our modern society. Is Recovery process possible after setbacks in life? If yes, how? What is the timeline? What is the scope of recovery? What are the steps? There have been many articles written on this topic so far. This article will include some of my observations and steps which I have taken at different points of time for my setbacks and come out of the situation as a winner whether it's a small or major setback.

First, we need to understand, what is a setback? According to collisdictionary.com, we get the following definition:

A setback is an event that delays your progress or reverses some of the progress that you have made.

So, does that mean it’s a defeat or a failure? Well, the definition talks about the delays and reversals of progress which means we have scope of improvement. Defeat or failure is the feeling that we get out of the outcome of the setback. Or can we say, we have an opportunity of reality check, to grow or to improve upon? Our feelings are totally dependent on our perception of the situation. There is a popular saying “Is the glass half full or half empty?”

Steps from Setbacks to Recovery Process:

Let’s discuss some of the steps which I have taken so far in my life to overcome the problems:

• Accept the situation

We have taken some steps to achieve something. Due to some factors which were beyond our control or some mistakes or errors that we have made, we didn’t achieve the desired results. Now we would look at the situation: whether the glass is half full or half empty? We need to decide one or the other or maybe both to analyze the situation. We may have to change the course of action or may have to change what we want as an outcome because what we thought we needed earlier may not be the same thing that we want now. No matter what our next steps would be, the acceptance of the situation is very important to move forward because now we want to work around it.

• Positive Perception

If we see that the glass is half full, we see what we have in our hands to work on and to improve upon for desired results. If we see the glass half empty, even better because now we see that we need to work on something to make it full. We can see half empty glass positively too. It all depends on our perception. So, the first step is that we need to think positively, no matter what.

• Accept the Grief

It’s completely ok to suffer or feel the pain of our wound. Talking to family members, friends or a therapist about our pain must be part of the process. Sharing the experience of pain is a series of negative talk(s). It must come out. Once we accept the grief, we are more likely to self-evaluate ourselves and notice the errors that we have made which brought us to the setback. But we need to make sure that we don’t stay on this step for too long otherwise results could be detrimental.

• Stay away from Toxicity

We want to make sure that we share our grief with people who understand us. People who are toxic, non-empathetic, judgmental or have no patience to listen to us should be completely avoided during this process. If we can’t avoid them, we can avoid discussing our problems with them. Changing the topic or keeping them busy with something else can be done to avoid the discussions with them. After all it’s our mess and they will just question us, judge us, or say something toxic and leave. They have nothing to do with our pain. By listening and observing different people more during conversations, it’s easy to spot the toxic people and rule them out of our life.

E.g.: If our employer tells us that our professional success is in their hands completely and we can’t do anything except doing what and how we are being told. Well, it sounds like a very strong statement. We need to first see if we are genuinely not performing our responsibilities or it’s an unjustifiable statement from them. Whichever way it is, it’s our career and only we can change it in the end. If we make a change in our actions, will our efforts be counted, or was just that being said to bring our morale down? If this was the sign of toxicity from our employer, it’s time to move on. 

We need to stay away from our toxic habits and behaviors of our own as well. Any food or toxic substance or practice which is injurious to physical and mental health like smoke, alcohol, drug abuse, spending extra money etc. to feel good should be completely avoided. Healthy habits like exercise, yoga, joining a gym, eating healthy, meditation classes, singing, dance classes etc. have good results to calm down our minds and to stay healthy mentally and physically. After all, we need this energy to stay focused.

• Forgiveness

Going back to the people who have hurt us to take revenge or to show them their place is never a good idea.  It’s just a waste of energy because we have a lot on our plate to deal with and to work on. It’s time to move on from toxic people if we think they are the reason for our setback. Leaving people and moving on is not bad at all in this case. 

Similarly, if the setback happened due to our own bad habits or wrong steps taken by us, it’s time to make a change in ourselves too. Self-forgiveness is important as well. 

According to the law of attraction, thinking positively and working towards our own success will bring the opportunities to us so we can make efforts towards our goal. If we keep thinking about toxicity, we may miss the opportunities that come our way. Taking the right opportunities at the right time are very important for success. 

• Promote Self-esteem

Self-doubt or lack of self-confidence can hinder our self-esteem and abstain us from recovering from a setback. Staying away from toxicity and practicing forgiveness are the first steps towards our success. Activities like receiving and giving compliments, abstaining from dismissive behavior, affirming positively, exercising, practicing mindfulness, etc. promote self-esteem. Also, practicing generosity stimulates the mesolimbic pathway, which is the reward center in our brain, releases the endorphins in our brain. It all helps calm our brain and promote self-esteem.

• Lesson(s) from Experience

What is the point of a setback or a failure if we haven’t learnt anything from it? This is the time of a “Reality Check”. Acceptance of situation and grief are not enough. We need to accept the mistakes at every step fas well. Writing down all the steps that we have taken, the series of events that have happened, etc. which led us to the setback outcome is very important. By writing down, we can exactly point out the mistakes and errors that we have made and the lesson(s) we have learnt from the setback event(s).

• Reconsider the Goal

Sometimes it is important to reevaluate and reconsider the goal as well. Was our goal a SMART goal where SMART stands for specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timeliness? Is our goal still apt in the current scenario? E.g.: Initially we were trying to work out a relationship and now that has fallen apart. Now the question is whether to rework on it or to work towards a smooth separation because reuniting is impossible? Consideration of reevaluation of goals is important before we design a new plan.

• Design a New plan for New Goal

Formulating not only a new plan is very important but also designing the back up plans are important as well. Also, we should be able to make changes in future to the plan, if new opportunities arise or the factors affecting the situation change. 

E.g.: We need to lose weight but can’t brisk walk or run due another muscular sprain in the abdomen but losing weight is a priority. 10,000 steps or more a day can help significantly with the problem of weight. A new course of action can be to walk slowly 10,000 steps a day and in order to cover that we need more time spent walking so, we need to get up early in the morning or increase shifts of walk during the day. 

• Course of Action

Thinking positive, staying positive and designing the plan are not enough unless we start making efforts towards our new beginning. Also, we need to be determined and keep motivating ourselves because we need to reap the benefits after achieving our goal.

• Stay Away from Distractions

Depending on the goal, the process may be tiring. Taking breaks in the middle to calm down and feel refreshed is very important. Sometimes, breaks can be distractions as we tend to enjoy them more than we need to. Staying away from distractions is very important and must be performed simultaneously at all stages of the process. We may come across distractions which can become obstacles between us and our goal(s). By being mindful and using our wisdom, we should evaluate whether the scenario is a right opportunity or just a distraction. If at any point of time, we feel weak and get attracted towards the distraction, we should go back to #7 and read the log of mistakes and lessons. This will help to overcome weakness towards distractions. 

Achieving goals and becoming successful is not an easy task. Success comes only after we pay the toll for it. Whether that toll is a failure, a lot of hard work or both, doesn’t matter. Hard work is key to success and our life or world changes only after we change our perceptions and course of actions. 

“Be the change you want to see in the world”- Mahatma Gandhi