From Sides to Solidarity: Why Inclusive Teams Start With You

It started as a minor disagreement, a comment taken the wrong way in a meeting. Nothing major. But by the end of the week, the office was divided. People were taking sides, avoiding each other, and whispering their allegiance in hushed tones.

You've likely seen this unfold if you've worked in any team long enough.

What begins as a minor issue morphs into something bigger due to the ways people respond.

We take sides and can escalate the drama, and before long, it feels like we're in an episode of Survivor rather than a workplace.

There's something deeply human about this. We're wired to categorise and form in-groups and out-groups. In the animal kingdom, this can mean the difference between survival and extinction. However, in the workplace, this tribal instinct can tear teams apart if left unchecked.

We all play a role in either escalating division or fostering cohesion. The question is, what kind of teammate and colleague do you want to be? And importantly, does that aspiration match reality?

The Power (and Risk) of Similarity

It's comforting to work with people like us.

It feels easy when there are shared views, common experiences, and similar ways of thinking. But easy isn't always effective.

Research from DDI's 2023 Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Report reveals that organisations with greater leadership diversity are 2.4 times more likely to outperform their competitors. The top-performing companies have at least 5% more leaders who are women or from minority backgrounds than those that underperform.

Why does this matter?

Because similarity can breed complacency, homogeneous teams may avoid friction, but they also avoid the kind of rich debate that leads to innovation. When everyone thinks alike, it becomes easier to make assumptions, harder to challenge flawed ideas, and riskier to adapt to change.

Diverse Teams, Smarter Decisions

Insights from Kellogg University reinforce this. Their research shows that diverse teams don't just sound good on paper; they actually make better decisions. However, diversity is not limited to gender or ethnicity. It includes age, background, experience, and even how people process information.

What's fascinating is that it's not the diversity itself that drives better outcomes. It's the discomfort it brings. That discomfort forces team members to pay closer attention, consider alternative perspectives, and test their assumptions. In short, diversity sharpens our thinking if we let it.

But diversity alone isn't the answer.

Inclusion: Where the Real Work Happens

As Korn Ferry's Andrés Tapia and Michel Buffet argue in their book The 5 Disciplines of Inclusive Teams, diversity without inclusion is like assembling a team of talented musicians but never teaching them to play in sync.

Without inclusive habits and systems, differences can just as easily breed conflict as innovation. The breakthrough comes when inclusion is practised deliberately, consistently, and collectively. Inclusion is what turns diverse groups into high-performing teams. It requires practice, discipline, and a shared commitment.

Tapia and Buffet outline five core disciplines:

1. Connecting – To Build Affiliation: Trust starts with connection. This isn't just small talk; it's a deep understanding of who your teammates are, including their strengths, motivations, and identities. Connection is the gateway to trust, belonging, and meaningful collaboration.
2. Caring – To Nurture Psychological Safety: Great teams are safe places to be brave. Leaders who show empathy, listen deeply and encourage vulnerability create space for people to speak up and take risks.
3. Synchronising – To Harness Collective Intelligence: Alignment is more than agreement. It's the ability to move in rhythm, to course-correct in real time, and to act as one cohesive unit.
4. Cultural Dexterity – To Integrate Diverse Perspectives: This means embracing (not minimising) difference. It's about working through friction rather than avoiding it and turning tension into creative energy.
5. Powersharing – To Ensure Equitable Contribution: Influence in inclusive teams isn't about hierarchy. It's about who has the insight, experience, or best idea in the moment.

These disciplines may not always be comfortable, but they are transformative. As the authors point out, inclusion is not a top-down initiative. It's an everyday practice.

The Sliding Door Moments

Psychologist and relationship expert, Dr John Gottman calls them sliding door moments - the small, often unnoticed opportunities where we can turn toward connection or away from it.

These moments matter. Every eye-roll, sarcastic comment, or stonewalling silence sends a message.

Gottman's research on the 'Four Horsemen' of relationship breakdown (i.e., criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) applies just as much to teams as it does to couples. Note: If you haven't seen his and his partner's work before, it's worth checking out.

Criticism is when you attack another person's character, beliefs, personality, appearance, or actions. Contempt is a more severe escalation of criticism. It appears in various communication behaviours, such as eye-rolling, sarcasm or disrespectful language. Defensiveness is when you deny responsibility and try to shift the blame. It can include manipulation or misdirection. Lastly, stonewalling is when you disengage or disconnect from the conversation.

When these behaviours become habits, they corrode trust and connection. But there are antidotes. For example:

• Instead of criticising, talk about your feelings using "I" statements and expressing your needs positively. Avoid "you" statements and negativity.
• Take responsibility rather than becoming defensive. You need to take ownership of your part in the relationship.
• Express appreciation for the other person's positive aspects and contribution to counteract contempt.
• Manage your emotional reactions, self-soothe and re-engage when tempted to stonewall and withdraw.

These small shifts may seem inconsequential at the time. However, over time, they build or break relationships and, in time, the team's culture.

You Set the Tone

Leaders carry emotional influence. If you react with fear, frustration or helplessness, that energy spreads. If you respond with calm, curiosity, and confidence, your team will be more likely to rise to the challenge.

It's not about perfection. It's about presence.

So next time a colleague pushes your buttons or a disagreement starts to simmer, pause. Ask yourself: Am I turning toward connection or fuelling disconnection?

As the Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius said, "What brings no benefit to the hive brings none to the bee." Inclusive teams aren't just nice to have in today's complex, fast-moving world; they're the difference between stagnation and breakthrough.

Step ahead. Step up. If you want to be an influential leader with a positive impact, inclusion starts with you.

Getting you ready for tomorrow, today®

Award-winning author and global workplace expert, Dr Michelle Gibbings, helps leaders, teams and organisations unlock strategic influence to accelerate progress.