From Validator to Results Coach: Redefining Success Beyond External Approval

The final installment in our five-part series on transforming leadership villains into allies

"I need to prove myself."

"What will others think if I don't hit this target?"

"My worth is tied to my achievements."

These thoughts reveal The Validator, the villain that measures your value through external metrics and others' approval.

The Validator's Hidden Cost

The Validator isn't just ambition or drive. This villain creates a destructive pattern that:

• Makes your self-worth contingent on external achievements

• Creates an endless treadmill of validation-seeking

• Sacrifices what matters most for what impresses others

• Leaves you feeling hollow, even when outwardly successful

• Reduces overall fulfillment despite increasing accomplishments

I lived this. My corporate career was a masterclass in proving myself, chasing promotions and recognition at any cost. By 2016, I was a very highly compensated employee at Cox Automotive but deeply unhappy.

The Validator had me working nights and weekends, missing family dinners, and constantly seeking the next achievement that would finally make me feel "enough."

Then in August 2014, my mother passed away after battling cancer. Watching her final moments created a radical shift in how I viewed life. In those gut-wrenching hours, it became painfully clear that titles, salaries, and professional accolades meant nothing at life's end.

Yet The Validator's grip remained strong. It wasn't until my health crisis in December 2017: being admitted to the hospital with severe chest pains and blood pressure 180/110 that I was forced to confront the ultimate price of external validation.

The Transformative Question

During my recovery, a simple question from my cardiologist changed everything: "What would success look like if your health and family were non-negotiable priorities?"

This question challenged the foundation of The Validator's approach. If success couldn't come at the expense of what mattered most, how would I need to redefine it?

I realized I needed a new framework for measuring success, one that valued internal alignment over external validation.

Embracing the “Results Coach” Approach

The Results Coach isn't opposed to achievement or recognition. This ally:

• Defines success based on holistic outcomes, not just external metrics

• Creates balanced scorecards across all life domains

• Measures progress against personal standards, not others' expectations

• Preserves energy for areas that create meaningful impact

• Builds sustainable approaches to achievement that don't require sacrifice

The shift from Validator to Results Coach isn't about lowering ambitions but about aligning them with what truly matters.

The Framework: Holistic Success Dashboard

To facilitate this transformation, I developed what I call the Holistic Success Dashboard:

Step 1: Define Multi-Domain Success Metrics Establish balanced metrics across four key domains:

• Career: Impact, growth, contribution (not just title/compensation)

• Health: Energy, wellbeing, physical capacity (not just appearance)

• Wealth: Security, freedom, generosity (not just accumulation)

• Connection: Depth, presence, mutual support (not just time)

Step 2: Create Leading Indicators For each domain, identify "early warning" metrics that predict future outcomes:

• What daily/weekly indicators predict long-term career impact?

• What consistent behaviors maintain sustainable health?

• What regular practices build long-term financial security?

• What frequent interactions strengthen meaningful connections?

Step 3: Implement Integration Checkpoints Regularly assess how actions in one domain affect others:

• How are career decisions impacting family connections?

• How are health practices supporting or limiting career capacity?

• How are financial choices affecting health and relationships?

• How are relationship patterns influencing career and wealth?

Step 4: Develop Internal Validation Systems Create practices that reinforce internal worth separate from external achievement:

• Regular reflection on values alignment

• Celebration of effort and process, not just outcomes

• Recognition of intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivations

• Acknowledgment of progress across all domains

The Power of Transformation

For family-oriented men, The Validator often creates a devastating choice between career achievement and family connection. The Results Coach transforms this false dichotomy into an integrated approach where career success amplifies rather than diminishes family life.

For founder-led businesses trapped in 70+ hour workweeks, The Validator manifests as constant pressure to prove the business's worth through unsustainable growth and personal sacrifice.

The Results Coach creates systems for measuring real business success—founder freedom, sustainable impact, and value creation that doesn't require the founder's constant presence.

Your Immediate Application

This week, I invite you to begin your transformation with these steps:

1. Create your own Holistic Success Dashboard with 3-5 metrics in each domain (Career, Health, Wealth, Connection)

2. For each metric, define what "success" looks like if all domains must thrive simultaneously

3. Identify 1-2 leading indicators for each domain that you can track weekly

4. Schedule a 15-minute weekly review to assess progress across all domains

5. Note one example of how success in one domain enhanced (rather than diminished) another

I've used this framework extensively since my health crisis. When designing Corvus in 2024, it guided every business decision, ensuring that growth strategies enhanced rather than compromised my health and family connection.

The Results Coach approach has allowed me to create meaningful impact without sacrificing what matters most, exactly what I help clients achieve in their own contexts.

The Integrated Path Forward

Through this five-part series, we've explored transformations that collectively create a new approach to leadership and life:

1. The Impostor → The Authentic Guide: Using your journey as a credential

2. The Forecaster → The Prudent Planner: Planning strategically without fear-based decisions

3. The Perfectionist → The Quality Guardian: Maintaining standards without burning out

4. The Lone Ranger → The Discerning Partner: Building relationships without losing independence

5. The Validator → The Results Coach: Achieving success without sacrificing what matters

Together, these transformations create an integrated framework for leadership that enhances impact while preserving what matters most.

This isn't just theory; it's the exact approach I've used to transform my own life after facing burnout, health crisis, and entrepreneurial challenges. It's also the framework I use with clients to help them escape the trap of 70+ hour workweeks and create businesses that provide freedom rather than imprisonment.

True growth comes from knowing what to subtract as much as what to add. If you’re interested in discovering how to design these smart limits and systems in your own context, I’m here to help you on that journey. 

The Empower Program can provide the clarity and tools you need. Send me a DM or let’s jump on a call via https://calendly.com/corvus-solutions/30-minute-chat. Let’s chat!