Getting by With A Little Help From my Friends

It’s Galentine’s Day! That’s a Parks and Recreation reference in which the lead, Leslie Knope claims February 13th as a day to celebrate her friendships. I’m going to lean right into this today, and celebrate my work friends.

This is for those of you I have worked with who have become my friends.

Some people think you should keep your work as your work, and your friends your friends, your home your home, and never intermingle any of them. But really, I’ve never been good at that. Why? It’s probably because when I meet people that I like and that I am genuinely interested in, I enjoy getting to know them and I want to have more of that in my life. It’s what I am fuelled by. I like people, especially those that make me feel good, and those I can help to make feel good too. Now, I don’t think you need to be friends with everyone, don’t misunderstand me here – I do not have a need to be liked. And I’ll admit, there are some people whom I just don’t align with. There are people I have met whom I am very happy to keep in a certain column (the “work folk”, for example). Then there are others that I enjoy having regular therapy sessions with, those who keep me grounded when I start to sink, and those that I can laugh with no matter what the situation we’re going through – while I do try to make the best of a trip through hell, I was promised it would be warmer.

Common ground should be commonplace. We get our best work done when we work together, and who better to work with than people you like? Michel de Montaigne wrote: “There seems to be nothing for which Nature has better prepared us than Fellowship—and Aristotle says that good lawgivers have shown more concern for friendship than justice”

In his book, Leaders Eat Last, Simon Sinek describes the importance of forming a Circle of Safety, and “without a Circle of Safety, people are forced to spend too much time and energy protecting themselves from each other.”

I have been so lucky, blessed even, to make life-long friends in every piece of my career. People much older, people younger, and people in between. People I never would have expected to like, or even love, and people I could not imagine my life without. It’s the people that have kept me in my roles, and it’s the people that have kept me honest with myself and pushed me to greater limits.

Do you have a work bestie? I’m sure you won’t be surprised if I tell you that I have two. And I also have a lot of close work friends. And friends that have become my friends because of my work. Or, friends because one day we happened to sit next to each other at the same office and had a great conversation. And friends because we were at the same networking event, and we hit it off. If I were to start naming names this article would take you into next week.

This article isn’t to brag, what I am saying is that there’s power in having work friends. Jon Clifton wrote about this in HBR and he said, “people spend a lot of their lives at work, and that’s where they’re most likely to develop friendships”. That makes sense to me. Clifton references Gallup data which shows having a work bestie is strongly linked to business outcomes. This hits home for me.

Through the last few years and a lot of reading, I’ve learned (to admit?) that I am a highly sensitive person (HSP). This isn’t a bad thing, and you might not even know that about me if I didn’t tell you. I keep it in check, and I have found different ways to manage my sensitivity levels. I’ve learned to surround myself with people that can help keep me within those limits. I’m not high maintenance, my work besties tell me so. If anything, having work besties has helped me accelerate my happiness in so many ways: they listen to me when I am down, and they motivate me to pick myself up; they celebrate me and encourage celebration when I should be happy; and when I am fed up and feeling on the verge of burnout, they bring me back down to reality. What’s even better? I get to do the same for them! It’s a give and take situation. We have been through so much together, even though geography can keep us physically apart for long stretches of time.

In Clifton’s article, he also shared: “Millions of people suffer from loneliness. More than 300 million people globally don’t have a single friend, according to Gallup data. And more than 20% of people don’t have friends or family they can count on whenever they need them.”

Wow, now putting this in perspective, I feel incredibly charmed.

Last week I shared a statistic that the average person spends over 90,000 hours in their lifetime at work. It’s no surprise that it’s through work that you’re going to make friends. Me, I’m a life-long friend maker. There are few people in my life that don’t stay in my life. If I meet you and I like you, I find a way to make you a part of my life. Even if we don’t see each other regularly, I will make sure we meet for a coffee or a chat. I’ll put you in my card rotation. I’ll send you a random text or article because something reminded me of you.

We’re spending all this time at work, doesn’t it make sense to find ways to make that time enjoyable?

My work besties have never stepped in the way of me getting my job done. If anything, I know we’ve been able to achieve greater things because we work together (there’s that Circle of Safety again). It’s sad and confusing to me that companies would not want to encourage and support people being friends. I’m not suggesting we all have to go out together every night, or even at all. Above being HSP, I’m introverted as well and I like going to bed early. I like my weekends quiet and reserved for my family. But I love for my work days to be productive and full of fun.

Last week a work friend told me they were moving on to a new workplace. And, yes, I cried. I cried because I was so happy for them, and I was so sad for losing them, but ultimately, I was overwhelmed by happiness and excitement for them and this new beginning that stood before them. There are people that I work with that make my work life, and my personal life, so rich that I am astounded by their impact. I’m so grateful for their presence, and for everything I’ve been ale to learn from them and teach them. For everything we have been able to achieve together, because of each other, despite the roadblocks and uphill climbs and odds against us.

Hopefully by now I’ve sold you on the value of having a work friend. Maybe you’re new in your job, or you just ‘aren’t good’ at making friends and you need someone to lean on – It might seem daunting but, it’s not that hard.

Here’s my tips:

• If you’ve been following me this year, I made it my goal to build the strength in my network. What I’ve learned so far, is that everyone wants to meet new people. But it’s scary! It can be really intimidating to put yourself out there. Start small. It’s okay to not do this on mass. Just pick one person and tap them on the shoulder and say, hey, I would like to learn more about you. They’re likely not going to say no. And, if they do, you move on and try a new person.
• Check in with your new friend. Alright now, don’t be needy. Give them some space but take note of some things they are interested in or good at and try to keep your conversation going. Whether you’re working in an office or remotely, find a way to meet. A 15-minute chat on your internal chat program or in the shared kitchen, this is just enough time to build on that first interaction. Almost everyone I’ve met this year as a part of my networking goal has wanted to meet again. And those few who didn’t, was no harm done to either of us.
• Be a human! This part is hard, because well, I think innately we as humans mostly want to be able to keep our work lives and work and our home lives at home. But eventually, if you really like someone the gates are going to burst open and you’re going to reveal yourself. So just be authentic and embrace it. The things you can unlock might be what help you both to achieve greatness together.

Pull your together group, your band, your Circle of Safety, there is power in numbers. And while misery may love company, without company all you have is misery.

 Happy Galentine’s day! <3