Getting Off the Boat

Last Christmas, we took our 20 month old on a cruise. When we booked the cruise our daughter was just over a year and not very mobile. She would listen to us. Daddo was her favorite and all was well with the world. The world was our oyster and Lily loved her car seat. Then we boarded a beautiful prison ship.

The awesomeness of the seas was a fantastic ship. It had five star food, gyms, pools, a brass quartet and an arcade. The waiters and stewards were delightful through ought our adventure. But with a 20 month old I made a discovery of parenting that flies in the face of my personal work ethic. I’m going to lose over and over and over again until I reset my expectations.  More plainly – getting off the boat was a win.

Our one goal each day was to get off the boat and walk around the port. Forget excursions, forget daily workouts, say goodbye to fancy dinners, wine or coffee dates. Our daughter hated the ship daycare with the passion of a thousand fiery suns. She slept from 8pm to 7am and took a daily hour nap. She got a fever for a couple of days, had only had baths her entire life and hated showers. She was even persnickety around my sister, who is a saint.

This was my sixth cruise – and in the absence of a bambino I love a cruise. Amazing food at your fingertips, so much to do. Spin classes with only Liz and I (we are dorks, we tend to work out a ton on vacation), casinos, fun drinks and most importantly time with family where no one has chores. The allure is magical. Last year I found myself ratcheting down expectations as they were knocked around by comically large weights. But instead of being down or angry about it, we changed course. Our new goal was to get off the boat. And we accomplished that every port.

I’m reminded of getting off the boat lately. We just had our second kiddo and every day of my paternity leave began with “Today I’ll take Lily to the Science Museum, she will poop on the potty, sleep in her own bed and we can take the dogs on a walk down the neighborhood trail”. Every day has ended with “We went outside today and everyone is alive”.

Professionally we push and push and push ourselves. And sometimes that bleeds over into personal lives. But that pressure can be disabling and awfully depressing when goal after goal sails by. Give yourself permission to get off the boat. Celebrate the small win today.