Ghosting (yup, another post about this)

As I said when commenting on someone else's post on this topic, I hesitate to write about this at all because nobody wants to be associated with complain-y rants, not reflective of my, or anyone's, positive personal brand; I'm not here to put negativity out into the world, but what I'm about to write is a response to some harsh negativity (even if it's unintended) that's already out there. Pretending it's not, or that it's OK, is not going to help, so I hope adding to the existing, informal awareness campaign will, and just maybe decrease the need to say anything about it at all because once people are aware of the harm they are causing they'll stop doing it. (I can dream.)

If you ask someone for a quote, you owe them an answer. It's the price of entry and it's not much to ask, but it can make such a big difference to a supplier. If you ghost someone you are almost certainly making them feel bad. (Despite our evolved understanding that nobody can "make us feel" anything, I'm sorry, but this is a case where I think you can. You have that power. You also have the power to do the opposite.) 

And just a quick caveat before I continue: I am aware that sometimes for personal reasons people go offline...of course, I'm not talking to them. Also, as it happens, I just read a post that suggests not taking it personally at all if you don't hear back and assuming optimistically that you still may, one day. OK, sure. But it doesn't make ghosting OK.

Nobody likes to be uncomfortable. It doesn't feel great to deliver bad news. Many people, myself included, do not like confrontation and will avoid it at almost all costs. I think maybe saying no to someone and telling them why feels like a step too far for some people. It feels icky, so they just don't do it. Maybe they're scared the supplier will ask them to defend choosing the other supplier, or will make them feel bad for not choosing them. Regardless, it seems easier to let themselves off the hook and just pretend the quoter no longer matters or exists. What's anyone going to do? Nothing. It's not as if there's any recourse. There are, however, consequences. The ghoster has shown themselves to be unprofessional and untrustworthy and they have damaged a potentially good and beneficial relationship.  

The idea that "it's just part of business" is incorrect. Ghosting people is only part of business if you want to treat business as something other than humans working with other humans. Preparing estimates is part of business, and doing so is no guarantee you'll get the business. We all know that. There is zero obligation, other than to politely and professionally conclude the bidding process with a response.

I've held off really letting fly on this topic for a long time because it's so hard to write about without sounding angry or sour grapey. Some others have written much more gracefully. But the fact that we are seeing more and more of these posts tells me there is an increasing incidence of this kind of uncool behaviour. Maybe it's not the intention of the ghoster to be anything other than neutrally disengaged. But the truth is that that's not an option for business owners.

For many small business owners their businesses are deeply personal to them. The idea that your business is not you is nice in theory, but does not reflect the reality for the many deeply engaged, hardworking, precariously employed business owners. And before anyone says, well, then they shouldn’t be business owners if they’re not cut out for it, that really is not for anyone else to say. Maybe they aren't the ideal, perfect business owners, but that doesn't make it OK to treat them with a lack of consideration, respect or kindness.

Business is hard. Let's appreciate that and not make it even harder by blowing off people who engage with you in good faith as they attempt to provide you with something you've expressed a need for. If it turns out you don't need their specific solution, product, service, a quick "Thanks for your time, but we like the other supplier's proposal better" will go a long way to providing closure for the quoter. Even better, and I really encourage buyers to go one step further and be real and honest, tell them why..."The other supplier's price was better, we liked their style better for this project, the client already had a relationship with them and decided to stick with them, etc. Honestly, I'd rather be told a client just doesn't like me than be told nothing at all. 

I know sometimes buyers don't want to be truthful because in reality the process was actually missing the good faith part from their end...they always knew who they'd choose...they just needed three quotes. And obviously they can't say that. (Although sometimes they do...thank-you for your candour!) I don't really have an answer other than to suggest they actually consider all three quotes. Who knows? Maybe they'd be surprised in a good way. Loyalty is admirable unless the loyalty is to a supplier whose solution really isn't the best.

Be decent and be a hero by making the world a less tough place for business owners by giving them meaningful feedback. You can be concise. But from the business owners' point of view, if they have no idea why they didn't land a job, how do they learn where, or if, they went wrong? How do they figure out how to successfully position themselves in the future? We're all kind of in the dark to some extent.

Consider this scenario: you get a quote from a supplier you'd really like to work with, but they don't get the job. They have no idea why and you don't tell them. Now you don't get to work with them, even though you would have loved to, and since they don't know what went wrong, they don't know how to recalibrate, and you probably won't get to work with them next time, either. If you help them understand, maybe next time they'll be able to quote successfully...you get to work with the supplier you really wanted to work with, they get the job, and your company is really happy. Win win win!

They say people grow by stepping out of their comfort zones and facing challenges. I challenge disengagers to step up and make your little part of the business world a better place by conducting yourself with integrity, transparency and professionalism. Imagine an ecosystem of buyers and suppliers in which everyone's prime directive is to conduct themselves with kindness. This is achievable. So, thank-you to all the lovely clients I work with, who do embody this spirit of respectful cooperation. May the rest of the world be inspired to do the same.