Gratitude:UnFiltered “The Forgiveness Paradox” (Full Transcript)

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to word of God. Presents gratitude, unfiltered. How's everyone doing? We are live right now in the <inaudible> network. I was actually waiting for, Hey, we're doing good. And I keep forgetting. There's no one here, but me is this Easter? What the heck is going on? Everyone's supposed to be in church right now. And here we are just me a chair and a microphone, but I'm happy that you're here watching online right now.

00:01:03

Joshua T Berglan

And the three 60 network. Those of you listening on the podcast. Thank you so much, everyone watching on Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, TV. Thank you guys for being here. I'm sorry for being late. It's interesting. Late. I'm fired up. I'm a little irritated. I want to throw a chair. I want to punch the chair. How fitting it's fitting.

00:01:34

Joshua T Berglan

Because the day, the, the day that I quit caring about my father was the day that he told me I was no longer a son. I'll never forget it was coming home from a party. It was me, me and my boy, Michael, think I was a freshman at college. Were home, came back, no high school, senior in high school, coming back from a party. And I remember seeing all over the house, like the grandfather clock was destroyed.

00:02:12

Joshua T Berglan

I'm on the air. Can we not talk, please? So this, like I said, I'm irritated. So broken grandfather clock. The couch is destroyed. Dishes are everywhere. And the cops are sitting there talking to my father and he had this look in his eye that he was going to murder someone. I came in the door, Oh my God, dad, what happened?

00:02:45

Joshua T Berglan

What happened? You did this, did what you did this you and your little horse, somebody, you were screwing. You did that. That's what the happened. But that's why this house is distorted. It's your fault. You're not my son. You're not my son. But dad, all I've ever wanted for you to do is to be proud of me. All I've wanted you to do is to care, to tell me good job.

00:03:18

Joshua T Berglan

And you're saying, I'm not your son. My son was a day. My relationship with my father died his senior in high school. The years prior to that, the years prior to that, it was nothing ever seemed good enough.

00:03:52

Joshua T Berglan

Nothing could win a game, have a have a fan. You know, when a golf tournament do have an amazing football game, it was horrible baseball. So I didn't expect a compliment there. I just desperately want to hear good job. And this is from a man that was abusive, cheated on my mom. I witnessed and heard things that I don't want to repeat right now. I hated this man for what he did to me, but all I ever wanted to hear was I'm proud of you.

00:04:24

Joshua T Berglan

Good job. I love you. My earliest memories of my father were him throwing a baseball at me against the fence, trying to teach me how to play catch. I learned to swim by being thrown in the deep end, hated my father. You know what? We're good at dead though.

00:04:54

Joshua T Berglan

Jail six times became a druggie, a cheater, a womanizer, you know, hating. My father did little to no good in my life, but I hated him nonetheless, because I was so blinded with this rage and all of this things in this victim mentality of like, this is what he's doing to me.

00:05:29

Joshua T Berglan

And he doesn't love me. And then of course, when I found out why my sisters left and then that was another thing to just stack it on everything, watching him try to manipulate me while my parents went through a divorce and what he was doing to my mother, I hated him yet. All I wanted was for him to say good job. And I'm proud of you. I hated him so much. It fueled this, this, this desire to completely just wreck a life.

00:06:02

Joshua T Berglan

And I don't mean in a good way. I hated him so much that the night before his funeral, I decided it was a great idea to drink a bunch of tequila and do a bunch of cocaine. Finally go to bed at 7:00 AM. When the funeral started at eight, showed up an hour late to my father's funeral. That's how much I hated him. I made a mockery of his funeral, my behavior spiraled out of control, even after his death and just fueled with the hatred that I had towards him up until, well, I get in a fight with a thin girl, then girlfriend, after a night of doing eight balls of cocaine and drinking bottles of tequila, get arrested and LA go to LA County jail where I'm now facing five years in prison, not knowing what was going on after being arrested.

00:07:08

Joshua T Berglan

I told him it was going to be, I thought it was going to be a great idea at the time for me to tell them that I had HIV. You don't give me special privileges. Maybe it was special. I don't know, but I got put in isolation and what I believe to be the psych ward in this really small cell that was by myself. But I could hear next to me, the maddening screams at these crazy people. And at this point, I'm, I'm slow as the cocaine and the alcohol starting to wear off the, the screams <inaudible> those screams just haunting me all night long, desperate for something to distract myself with.

00:07:58

Joshua T Berglan

Give me something to read. Give me something to read. Nope, we can't do that. Hours later. The thought comes to me. You have to give me a Bible. Yeah, they did. They gave me a Bible. I remember getting that Bible and only for the purpose of it, distracting me. Take my mind off of these screams from these crazy people, trying to read this Bible and make sense of it.

00:08:32

Joshua T Berglan

It's not making sense. For some reason that I go to Proverbs and John and I started bouncing around and the Bible starting to go, you know, it's making a little bit more sense as I started reading John and I and I, and I start hearing it and hearing and learning about Jesus for the first time to this little Gideon prison Bible,

00:09:00

0

I start to go, wow, this Jesus guy. He's something. But as, as I start to hear about forgiveness and what this Jesus guy did for me, I get angry. I get so mad because I started to realize after all this time, all of the drugs, all of them, every category, you can imagine all of the sex with basically everything that walked the lies, the cheating, the divorce, the bankruptcies, all of it.

00:09:42

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Like here it is. I'm this guy born with every privilege you can imagine. And I've thrown away my life. I'm looking at five years in jail. Why don't you fix me? Why won't you fix me? Like everybody else, you have to forgive your father.

00:10:16

0

How the hell am I supposed to do that? Because it happened to him too. It's funny when God speaks to you that for the first time, it has this weird way of puckering you up. Just feeling it like vibrate in, stay on my spine. This feeling of like, Oh, like it was talking to me.

00:10:47

0

It was like, it was going through the top of my head all the way down my spine and just vibrating through my body. You have to forgive your father because it happened to him too. And then all of a sudden, all of these images started flowing through my head of all the things that had happened to me in my life. And then I saw my father's face as a little boy.

00:11:22

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And for the very first time in my life, I had compassion for my father, a man that I hated more than anyone on the planet. It's funny thing about compassion. Compassion is a level of understanding and sometimes, and that understanding helps us see somebody else's side of things, or maybe understand what a motive could have been, or maybe that they just didn't know.

00:12:17

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As I had this little Ray of light that I swear it was like a Holy spirit light. That was just sort of chipping at this Boulder on my shoulders. This Compassion's chipping away. And what was funny was that it wasn't that in that moment I needed to forgive my father. It was that I needed to ask for forgiveness from my father because as compassion hit me an understanding that I am no different than my father was.

00:13:09

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If anything, I've become worse, a womanizer and abuser. I became a junkie. Everything. I hated my father before I was in Wars. As I start begging my father to forgive me. And for me disrespecting his name, making a mockery of his funeral and his death.

00:13:52

0

I finally got to understand just how powerful what Christ did for us was, and it wasn't that the significance of me forgiving him meant something. It was that it emptied my heart, the black cold, dead heart drained for me.

00:14:22

0

And as a drain for me, and to fill something that I can only think of as love, start to penetrate my body, I then begged my father, father God, for forgiveness, for the understanding of what I had done and what I have become.

00:14:53

Joshua T Berglan

You see, I'm sure that you can have a moment with Jesus and the Holy spirit without forgiving people that you need to forgive or asking for forgiveness from others. I'm sure that that happens. But you see, for me, I had so much anger and hatred towards my father and frankly, a lot of other people too. It distain of resentment and ugliness, I hated myself was ashamed, but see, I multiple times throughout my life.

00:15:32

Joshua T Berglan

And maybe you can relate to this, but multiple times to my life, I tried to seek God. I tried to have God changed me. I begged God, please change me. Fix me. I don't want to be like this anymore. I don't know how many of you out there are watching right now that are living a double life, but it's exhausting. Isn't it like a double life only kind of seems cool in high school when you're, it's like, you got a couple of girlfriends and you know, and then of course, one of the girls, who's the other girl wearing your Letterman's jacket and then you're in trouble.

00:16:08

Joshua T Berglan

And then that's a whole other conversation. But like, you know, there's like a macho is from 2:00 AM a player. I've got all these ladies, blah, blah, blah. But you know what? It's actually cruel and screwed up. But for me, because I was feeding off this ego thing, like it just got like, I don't know what direction I'm going with this.

00:16:45

Joshua T Berglan

None of that matters. The point is this for all these years that I hated my father. What I, what I failed to realize is that I had a role in it. I had a role in what happened with, in the relationship with my father. I didn't ask for the things that happened when I was a kid, but you know what? I also understand that as years have gone by and I have not, and I've been able to get, you know, like I've, I've forgiven my father.

00:17:20

Joshua T Berglan

I don't have any anger towards my father. I have nothing but love for my father. But the one thing that I've, I've really learned as I've grown too, I've gotten past this forgiveness part with my dad. What I've started to realize is this, that I really love my father. I admire my father. I look up to my father. I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing right now, which I'm bombing like a freaking train wreck, but I wouldn't be doing this.

00:17:51

Joshua T Berglan

I wouldn't have like this, the instinct or the desire for this kind of thing. I got it from his genetics, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, what I, this, this heart that I have for people that the reason I want to fight it. And the reason why I'm willing to give my life for other people there's is my heart's desires, because I want to serve with everything in me. I'm blessed that I got that from both of my parents. Some of my earliest memories of my father.

00:18:23

Joshua T Berglan

Once I get past the hatred and all of that crap, I started to replace these negative thoughts, these things that used to trigger me, and they made me go, I hate my dad. As I forgave him, those thoughts started to be replaced with, wow. I'm really grateful that it happened. I'm grateful. My father made me work for a good job. I'm grateful for my father. That nothing was good enough because you know what? Now, the reason why I'm so pissed off about the beginning of the show is because we're late. I don't like being late. I like being on time.

00:18:54

Joshua T Berglan

I like things being efficient. I like things being done a certain way. I like things being done in excellence, because it should be because that's what the father, God wants from us. He wants us to do things in excellence. I got that from my father, and I'm grateful for it because it means I'm not going to settle for anything. I'm grateful that I got to see my father as a, as a kid, we'd go to the nursing home where my grandmother was when she had Alzheimer's and he would sit there at the piano and this thing's not on.

00:19:37

Joshua T Berglan

And I can't play one anyway, but he would sit at the piano and he would play big boss, man. And he would sing Christmas tunes and he would do, you know, whatever, whatever, like holiday song. And he would sing gospel songs on the piano. And he would entertain all the old people in the nursing home. I love that about my father. I love it. I loved it that my father could pick up any single instrument and just start wailing and having an amazing time. He could sit on this keyboard and play and he could play anything you wanted to play.

00:20:08

Joshua T Berglan

He's one of the most talented people I've ever met in my life. And on top of that, he was also an incredible businessman that had a passionate heart for other people. My father loved to help other people. In fact, the other thing too, that I've learned about my father and I also have this from my mom, and I'm grateful for this, but my father was drawn to gangsters, to rock stars, like to showman, to people that were bad, boys. He was drawn to that, maybe because he was one, I don't know, but you know what?

00:20:39

Joshua T Berglan

That's where I get it from too. But here's the difference. Yeah. My father was an adult, but father knew what he was doing. There's no excuses for his behavior, but here's the thing. I also get to understand that the generations before me, they were part of woke culture. They didn't know that it was okay to say, I'm hurting inside. I'm depressed. I'm being abused too, because you didn't do that.

00:21:11

Joshua T Berglan

Then it was a dirty secret. One of the things that's very, very known amongst neuroscientists is that <inaudible> people that are, have some very, very bad intentions for children is that if you get a child between the ages of two to six and you sexually traumatized them, or I think it was Tuesday, two to eight, two to eight, something like that, you get a kid that age and you sexually traumatized them. You basically split their personality and you screw them up for life.

00:21:45

Joshua T Berglan

There's not a medication for borderline personality disorder. That's what a split personality is. I'm pretty confident that my father had to deal with that. There's not a medication in the world of anything. Medication makes it worse. You see, I didn't understand those things. When I hated my father, my father had no right to cheat on my mom or to grab her or to, to hit her or to break things and throw me. And he didn't know that he didn't know business choking me.

00:22:17

Joshua T Berglan

It, no business doing that. But I also understand hanging on to resentment and anger and hatred only poisoned my soul more. And it's great as a 40 year old man, that I have this figured out, but the truth is this. I could have figured it out a long time ago. And there's so many of us that are hanging on to these resentments and there's hatred towards our father, towards her parents towards a loved one towards an ex boyfriend.

00:22:51

Joshua T Berglan

I got plenty of ex-wives that hate my guts, and I can beg for forgiveness. And the thing is, is that forgiveness is a choice understandings, a choice. Compassion is a choice. And I'm talking about my father right now, because the thing is, is that I've, I've forgiven him. I've spent enough time talking about the bad things that he did, but the truth is everything that's made me.

00:23:22

Joshua T Berglan

What I am today is because of my father. Because even though things happened that I didn't like, and the things that hurt and the things that sucked, the fact is all of it happened for me. All of it. We, we resent and hate so much that we think we understand.

00:23:53

Joshua T Berglan

We think that we get, if you say you're a Democrat, a bunch of commies say, you're a publican. You Trump lover, you can't even say you're Baptist or Catholic without getting crap, but we don't understand. You see the thing is, is that the way that people show up in the world has to do with their experiences in life? What they've experienced, please stop talking what I'm doing. The show, you talk the sermon going on, dude.

00:24:33

Joshua T Berglan

Yeah. Please stop talking. I'm doing a show like I'm trying to talk and think, and you guys talk every time you don't do this. When the pastor's up, it's completely disrespectful. It's got to change. Forgiveness is one of the hardest things in the world to do because we feel slighted.

00:25:06

Joshua T Berglan

We take things personal and I understand it taking things personal. It's just the easiest thing to do. But actually it's one of the most immature things we can do. Kind of like me, snapping just now that's immature. That's wrong. That's letting my emotions get the best of me. But do you see, think about our parents, think about the people that we hold resentments toward. Think about the fight that we get in. Do we understand the circumstances that brought them to that situations for them to act the way they're acting in that moment?

00:25:42

Joshua T Berglan

And it's not an excuse for behavior. However, those of you that are hanging on to resentments and anger and your, and, and hanging on to this lack of forgiveness, do you think, do you think that if you can shift your thinking and go, you know, I don't understand why they're treating me this way. It doesn't feel good, but I'm not going to take this on. Or those of you that are hanging on to a resentment or anger, is it possible that you can think about they learned it from somewhere and try to come at it from an understanding place, a place of understanding, a place of compassion, because the thing is the people that you hate, the people that you resent learned it from somewhere and all the while we have all of these things that have done have been done to us, that we claim like we've taken this on, this is, this has happened to me.

00:26:45

Joshua T Berglan

This is, this, this was wrong. It maybe it was, then it wa it was, but hanging on to it is doing nothing but killing us. And if we can take what, the things that have happened and look at them and have compassion, or look at the situation, look at the person and have compassion, or have an understanding of maybe that something happened to them too.

00:27:18

Joshua T Berglan

And they learned it. We can let go. The fact is this. We want Jesus to forgive us, forgive us. And we want, we want Jesus to forgive us. And he didn't, he didn't, he didn't do a thing to us. Like he's taken on all of our crap to give us freedom. And I know this to be true. There was no being set free.

00:27:50

Joshua T Berglan

There was no freedom from this, this, this wasted life that I was that I, I would appear to be over. There was no freedom from that until there was forgiveness. But forgiveness is ultimately is what set me free. It's what cleared the path. It's, what's allowed me to be able to look back at all of these memories that I had of hating my father and being able to look at it and going I'm strong because of, because of what I learned from him, I have a heart to fight for other people because of what I learned from him.

00:28:37

Joshua T Berglan

I think about the times when he would like the us, you know, going to red river, New Mexico, and riding four wheelers in the mountains and just, and just getting dirty and, and muddy with my family. Like I had so many good memories that I wasted with anger and rage. Like I blocked all of the good out, but now here, here it is that I'm starting to understand that I had so many opportunities to make things right, to clear things with my father.

00:29:16

Joshua T Berglan

And he may never admit it to what he would have done or what he had done, but I could have changed my behavior. I could have forgiven sooner. Had I realized and accepted the fact that some things are just not going to be perfect in life. And, and, and, and, and parents do the best that they can do. And I, and a lot of these things that I took personal really shouldn't have taken so personal, you know, four days ago, God gave, like I was saying, they're trying to go to sleep.

00:29:49

Joshua T Berglan

And I, and I, and I just lay in there and then God does drops this on me about what he wants me to talk about. And I thought, well, four days, wow. And I'm emotional. I've been emotional for four days thinking about talking about this because I love my father. And I didn't know what I was going to say, what I was going to talk about, because they didn't want to Badger his name. I didn't want to slander his name because I love my father and I'm and I'm, and I, and I'm still don't even know what I'm trying to say with the exception of this.

00:30:25

Joshua T Berglan

So many of us are hanging on to hatred towards somebody that we really shouldn't. We're really just kind of hanging on to us because us being pissed off at somebody gives us a reason to be an idiot. It gives us a reason to go be an addict. Ah, hate my dad. So I'm going to go drink some more. Ah, I hate my dad. So I'm going to go cheat on my wife.

00:30:56

Joshua T Berglan

I hate my dad. I'm gonna go disrespect his funeral. Like maybe when does making excuses just end? When do we quit blaming other people for what we think are our problems? What is our role in it? Because the fact is we have a role. We choose to behave the way we behave, you know, what's right from wrong, but we choose.

00:31:34

Joshua T Berglan

We choose to make the decisions that we make and mind you when your heart is all black and you're angry and you're full of resentment. When you have all that stuff, you know what? It's really kind of hard to think clearly, but you hanging on to that stuff is your choice. Some of you are now stuck in a house with your family that you really haven't even talked to in years. And some of you have rekindled some relationships. Some of them have gotten worse just based on what I've seen on social media.

00:32:08

Joshua T Berglan

And here's what I know. We got Jesus, even though, well, I'm not going to get out of that. We have Easter tomorrow and everything about tomorrow is about the resurrection of Jesus and why he is our savior. How magnificent he is the fact that this man who did not have to chose to die on a cross for us, for what our sins are cheating or abuse, all of it, he died on the cross for us.

00:32:44

Joshua T Berglan

And because he was resurrected, we have this amazing thing called the Holy spirit. And that Holy spirit is that light that penetrates the boundaries of resentment. It's that light, that penetrates boulders of hatred. And it hits you right in the heart and allows for compassion to set in. And when compassion sets into your heart, things start to change.

00:33:16

Joshua T Berglan

I don't know who out there is struggling with forgiveness. I don't know out there. Why like what resentments you're hanging on to, or what the excuse for doing it is. But life is too short to be angry. Life is too short to live with a resentful heart, especially when you have the choice to let things go.

00:33:48

Joshua T Berglan

Especially if you can stop for a second and consider to possibly what your role in that situation is because, you know, we're all mirrors for each other. Each relationship you have in life is there to teach you something about yourself. I don't know why it took me so long to figure that out or learn to appreciate that. But when we start judging other people and we start criticizing other people and we start pointing the finger, we're really truthfully pointing the finger right back at ourselves.

00:34:26

Joshua T Berglan

And that to me is very, very humbling and very, very sobering because how we show up in the world for other repeatable gets reflected right back to us. So I'd like to ask you today, who can you forgive? Who can you take a look at at their situation?

00:34:57

Joshua T Berglan

Like, you're that you've hated this person you've resented them. You've said the nastiest things. It's an ex husband, ex wife. It could be an ex in law. It could be friend a business partner. Like there's somebody that you're hating on right now. Can you stop where you're at? Can you stop where your hatred is and put yourself in that person's life for a second? Can you put yourself in that, in that light or in that person's body and live their life?

00:35:32

Joshua T Berglan

Can you picture the same thing that you hate them for happening to them too?

00:35:41

0

And what if the very trauma that you went through that you're hanging on to that resentment, that anger, that anger? What if, what if that very thing was, what unlocked your purpose in life? What if it's, what if it's, what gave you your purpose? How would you feel about it then? Are you able to imagine and believe that life happens for you?

00:36:13

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Not to you remember, God will use everything. You will surrender to him, your anger, your resentment, your trauma, your addiction. He will use all of it. The one thing he wants to take from you, I believe more than anything is the sin that is black and your heart, whether it's towards another person or just in general, he died to remove that from you.

00:36:59

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He died with the promise of, if you surrender your life to him, he will set you free from all of it. And those of you that are Christians that are still hanging on to resentments. Those of you that are still Christians that are hanging on to these resentments, why he already died for it, you've already paid the price for that, your pain, your resentments, he died for it all.

00:37:32

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You can have your own resurrection today. And even if you're a Christian already, you can have your own resurrection by letting that anger and that resentment and that lack of forgiveness, letting it go. Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, your kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

00:38:04

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Give us this day, our daily bread and forgive us of our trespasses. As we forgive those who trespass against us, you see you to fully, to fully take on the benefit of the Holy spirit and our relationship with Christ. We have to forgive. It doesn't mean that you forget it doesn't mean that you start dating that person, that beat the crap of you.

00:38:35

0

Again, I'm not saying

00:38:36

Joshua T Berglan

That, but your lack of forgiveness is keeping you from the promises of the kingdom, the promises of heaven, stop making excuses for not choosing to forgive. This was supposed to be the title of this. And I could change it. I don't even know was the paradox of forgiveness.

00:39:11

Joshua T Berglan

And I called it that because like, we, we seek for forgiveness from other people. Like we blame them. We point them to finger. Like you cheated on me. You abused me. You snuck out on me. You were, you know, we, we can do that. And those, all of those things are wrong. But what I've learned through this journey of forgiveness is that I needed forgiveness from the person that I was saying I needed to forgive me way more.

00:39:53

Joshua T Berglan

Let me say that again. I spent over 30 years of my life blaming and hating somebody. Is that accurate? No, not 30 years, 25 years. I spent no bit longer than that, whatever. It doesn't matter. Math, math doesn't matter. At this point, the fact is wasted my life, hating somebody, blaming somebody for all of my problems, being angry, never happy, being a sour puss, blaming somebody that honestly I needed to be asking for forgiveness from just as fast and just as quickly as I should have demanded it from him or was trying to demand it from him.

00:40:38

Joshua T Berglan

I needed forgiveness from my father, just as much. And then I fit go over the, over the course of my life and all of the people that I've had ill intentions towards and hated or bothered like, ah, then they had a nasty attitude towards, because I felt like they dismiss me or they didn't love me, or they disrespected me or they cheated me or they screwed me over or whatever it was. The fact is this. I needed to ask them for forgiveness. Isn't that interesting?

00:41:08

Joshua T Berglan

So it makes me wonder how many of you out there right now are hanging on to a D a, a lack of forgiveness, a resentful heart. How many of you were hanging on to that? When the actuality is you have something that you could be asking for forgiveness for them, for curious, I could be way off the Mark. I didn't do a lot of research when God gave this to me, I just trusted him.

00:41:39

Joshua T Berglan

Like, Hey, this is going to be a thing. And the right stuff was going to come out of my mouth. And you know what? It's been a pretty bad train wreck, but here's the fact, the fact is forgiveness is a choice and it's easier to forgive than we make it out to be. Now you can keep making excuses. And I don't know, but I don't know, but you gotta remember words have power. You tell yourself, I don't know how I can forgive then guess what?

00:42:09

Joshua T Berglan

You won't know how you can forgive. And sometimes forgiveness is a process. Sometimes forgiveness doesn't happen all in one swoop, but I would like to beg you tonight because I'm so sick of seeing a divided country, a divided world. I'm, I'm so sick of the nitpicking of judging people because they're different. And when you really don't understand why they're different. Cause you know, here's the truth. Here's the real truth. All of your different, yeah.

00:42:39

Joshua T Berglan

We're all children of God, but we're all uniquely made. We all have unique purposes. So we have all unique experiences. None of our experiences are the same. So for any of us to judge another person on the way that they are is wrong. If you don't like the way someone is, maybe we could have compassion for them. What this world needs right now is compassion and love a love like Jesus. And thank God for Jesus. Thank God for the resurrection.

00:43:11

Joshua T Berglan

Thank God for the example that Jesus set throughout the course of his life. So people like me angry, pissed off junkies can have a new life, a new mind, a new heart, thank God for Jesus, sacrificing himself for us so that we could receive the Holy spirit.

00:43:50

Joshua T Berglan

Why does the Holy spirit matter? Well, I don't know. Before I heard the Holy spirit, I didn't really have that much of a discernment just did anything and everything was reckless. But having the Holy spirit, I'm able to be convicted. I'm able to be loved. I'm able to love. I'm able to tap into these gifts that God has blessed me with.

00:44:21

Joshua T Berglan

It blessed all of us with every time I want to go to take a left turn when I should be staying straight. The Holy spirit convicts me. That's spirit, Jesus died. So we could have that. And it's the greatest lifesaver in all of the world. It's the very thing that says, Josh, that was wrong of you to do when you snapping and losing your temper and acting like a child that was wrong. You need to ask for forgiveness and gentlemen, will you forgive me please?

00:44:58

Joshua T Berglan

Cause it was wrong. But see, that's another thing too. That's a beautiful thing too, about Jesus that you can send, you can make a mistake. You can lash out at somebody and because you're angry and acting like a two year old and didn't get your way. But then you feel convicted and the Holy spirit says, yeah, that, that that's not, that's not me. That's not showing Jesus's love. And then you know what you get to ask for forgiveness.

00:45:29

Joshua T Berglan

I mean, they have the choice of not forgiving me and that's out of my control, but you see, I asked for forgiveness and I don't feel good about what I just did. I really don't. I'm kind of embarrassed because I did it on live TV. I've made an idiot out of myself in front of a live camera, which is embarrassing. It's about as embarrassing as the holes in my pants, but it's a cool thing to be able to be forgiven, especially forgiveness from Jesus because you know what?

00:46:11

Joshua T Berglan

I still don't think I really deserve to be forgiven, but thank God I am. And a lot of you may feel that way too. A lot of you may feel like I'm not worthy of being forgiven. A lot of you are like really, really struggling hanging on to past anger, resentments, or maybe you're really just nose deep in your addiction. Jesus can use that. And when I, when I gave my life to Christ in jail, like I thought I was going to be there for five years and it was the, it was humiliating.

00:46:56

Joshua T Berglan

But I will tell you this, even in jail, after giving my life to Christ and having this experience that forever and like here it is. So, so let me go back to the jail real quick. From the beginning of this, I'm sitting there. I'm screaming. Why won't you forgive me? Why won't you fix me? Like everybody else going through the whole thing. Forgive your father. So then I'm going to dad, dad. I'm so sorry for disrespecting your funeral. Father, dad, dad. I am so sorry. I made a mockery of your death. I'm so sorry.

00:47:26

Joshua T Berglan

I didn't spend more time with you. I'm so sorry. I wasn't honest with you. When you asked me, how will you remember me? And I lied to your face. I'm sorry for all the nasty things I said about your dad. Thank you for all that you've done for me. Thank you that you did for me. Thank you for like giving me the opportunities that you did, because if you didn't give me those opportunities, I would have never learned what I learned. Thank you for exposing me. When your band got back together for you for a union tour.

00:47:58

Joshua T Berglan

And I got to go to the recording studio with you and watch you guys jam out. Like thank you for that experience. Thank you for the, the, the, the, the, the, the, all of the lessons that you taught me. Thank you, father. Dad, will you forgive me? I love you. I'm sorry. And after doing all of that and weeping my eyes out, Jesus, Jesus take my life. My life is no longer my own.

00:48:30

Joshua T Berglan

I'm done running. I know what you created me to do. I am done running no more. I'm done running. I will serve you. Even behind bars. I'm done running from what you've called me to do. I want to do what you want from me. I want your purpose for my life. My life is no longer my own. Take my life now, Jesus, I know you died on a cross for my sentence.

00:49:06

Joshua T Berglan

Take my life. My life is no longer my own. And in that moment, I swear to you. It was the coolest feeling in the world. And I don't know if you've had this experience out there. And if you would that have given your life to Christ, but it was like getting knocked on my butt and lifted up at the same time. It was the coolest feeling and all of a sudden like I'm feeling it. It's like I get that's the Holy spirit. So I'm like, woo. And I'm dancing.

00:49:36

Joshua T Berglan

And here's the problem. Jesus loves me. Jesus loves me. Jesus loves me. Jesus loves me. Jesus loves me. I don't know any church songs. I don't think Jesus cared, but I'm singing. Jesus loves me. This I know for the Bible tells me so woo. Now I know why I'm putting isolation in jail because I sure as heck wouldn't have done that in general population. No way. The man, that first moment with the Holy spirit is one of the coolest feelings.

00:50:09

Joshua T Berglan

I swear to you. There's not a drug in the world. That's better. I will serve you. My life is no longer my own and you know what it wasn't and it isn't, it didn't mean I was perfect. Doesn't mean I am perfect. You guys witnessed a meltdown 20 minutes ago. Not perfect, but you know what? I am renewed. And every day I wake up or every time I mess up, I have an opportunity to get things right immediately.

00:50:42

Joshua T Berglan

And it was a cool feeling because you know what, nothing weighs me down anymore. Not a resentment, not an anger, not anything. And that is Jesus. There is no other way. You can have your uniform, universal God, you can have your Buddha. Buddha didn't die for you. Neither did your 8 million Hindu gods Muhammad. Didn't die for you. And I mean, no disrespect to any other religion, any of you watching that.

00:51:14

Joshua T Berglan

And I know that you are from other faiths it's okay, but Jesus is the one that died for you. Jesus is the one that will deliver you from your anger, your resentment. Jesus is the one who is going to deliver you from your addiction, your sickness. Do you know why you see people walking around or not really literally walking around, but on social media lately, you see two extremes of people.

00:51:45

Joshua T Berglan

You see the paranoid max masked up, locked in the closet, hiding from the world. And then you've got your other people, the kingdom, people that are like, that's a party going on now. Like some people feel alive. Do you know why? One of the greatest paradoxes of all time I believe is when the crap hits the fan. Instead of, instead of the kingdom, people going, Oh no, what's going to happen. Jesus is coming back. Oh no. What am I going to do? Kingdom.

00:52:15

Joshua T Berglan

People are having a party. You don't see anyone else having a party right now, except kingdom people. You know why? Cause kingdom people know the promises of God. You can have the promises of God to Jesus. My life is no longer my own. Take my life. I surrender it all to you. All of it. I give you my addiction. I give you my confusion. I give you my anger.

00:52:46

Joshua T Berglan

I give you my rage. I give you these evil spirits that were attached to me. Now they're gone. Fill me with your Holy spirit. Jesus loves you. Jesus loves you so much that he gave up his life for you. But the coolest thing I think that Jesus did was he gave you a blueprint of how to live like the King Jesus

00:53:26

0

Himself. He gave you a blueprint. The gospels are one of the most beautiful writings of all time. Jesus's teachings are life. And those of you that are struggling right now, whether you're a Christian, a baby Christian, a 50 year Christian, it doesn't matter. Jesus is the way for you. Non-believers Jesus has a plan for you.

00:53:59

0

A plan for you. That's so awesome that you can look in the face of your enemy, the face of your enemy and smile. Jesus has planned for you is so awesome. You actually start to love the people that hate you life with Jesus, flips the world upside down in a way that is so special and so extraordinary.

00:54:33

0

You don't have to play by the earthly rules anymore. And I want that for you. I want that freedom for each and every one of you and you can have it, but you know, people say leave stuff at the feet of Jesus or nail it to the cross.

00:55:07

0

It's humbling to think that a man would be willing to put himself on a cross, to be displayed for the world, to see battered, bruised, abused, violated ridiculed, mocked. Why would anyone set themselves up for that?

00:55:43

0

I mean, it's really easy to go up cause he wanted to die for our sins. And I like it. Some blanket statement and it doesn't mean what it should, but I'm grateful for that symbol because it's a reminder to me, it's a reminder to me every single day of what love is and love is sacrifice.

00:56:17

0

And it's a sacrifice to forgive because it's sometimes not real easy. It's not easy to force yourself to look at somebody that abused you and all the other things they don't want to blame. It's really a challenge to look at them and say, I understand or have compassion for them.

00:56:53

0

But before you start getting like, Oh wow, am I going to forgive them? How do you expect to ha how did you expect him to forgive? You think about what you've done. He forgave you and he's given you the opportunity to have a brand new life. Do you want it?

00:57:24

0

Do you want freedom? Do you want to step into your higher calling your higher purpose? What you were created for? Do you want that or do you want to stay Matt? Where's Matt getting you. I love my father and I'm thankful for every lesson that I learned from him.

00:58:01

0

I'm grateful. I'm grateful for all of the things that over the course of my life that I looked at as so negative and so wrong. And the things that I fueled my hatred towards him, because eventually it was just like he could have farted and I would have been like, like, I mean, it could have been anything and you know what that's like when you have a bunch of resentment towards somebody, they can breathe funny and you just want to kick them.

00:58:32

0

Right. That happens. But that's what an unforgiving heart looks like. It, it, it, it changes your perception. It's not true to who you are, but man, I am so thankful to be able to look at my father and smile and be grateful for all of the memories that I had with him.

00:59:02

0

And, and I really believe that I believe that he would forgive me if he was still here. And I believe that would, I believe my dad would be proud of me too.

00:59:37

0

And I don't need to hear him say it to know in my heart is, and you know, I'm a 40 year old man and he wasn't much of an example of what being a father is. And I'm fortunate that I've been learning that example for my stepfather and watching him with my mom. But it doesn't change the fact that I don't love my dad. It doesn't change the fact that I'm not grateful for him.

01:00:07

0

And it doesn't change the fact that I want to make my father proud still. And, and I, and that's a much better place to be than hating him and blaming him for my drug use and all the other bad decisions that I made. That simply weren't true. All of the bad choices that I made were my choices.

01:00:37

0

So I'm sharing this with you in hopes that maybe the person that you hate, the person that you're holding a resentment towards, maybe you can have compassion for them. Maybe you can let compassion slide in. So then maybe forgiveness will touch your heart. And if you start to go, well, I don't know how I can do that. Please ask yourself how Jesus could have forgiven you by simply just asking him how simple as that Lord Jesus.

01:01:21

0

I haven't been living the way that you want me to live. I know Jesus that you created me for a purpose far bigger and greater than what I'm living now. Jesus. I know. And I'm, I appreciate, and I am so grateful that you died on that. Cross your choice. I am so grateful that you died on that cross to save me from my sentence, my anger, my addiction, my rage, my lack of forgiveness.

01:02:00

0

Thank you father. Forgive me of my sins. Make me new cleanse my heart, cleanse my mind. Give me the mind of Christ. Give me the Holy spirit. My life is no longer my own. I'm all yours. I am here to serve you father. I am here serve you, but only

01:02:20

Joshua T Berglan

You, no one will become no one will come before you God. In my relationships, your first in my business, you are first. My gifts, you are first. It all belongs to you. Father use me, use me for your will and use me for your purposes. Help me take all of the anger and all of the rage. Help me take it all and use it to be a blessing to other people.

01:02:51

Joshua T Berglan

Take what the devil meant to hurt me and destroy me. Take it and use it as revenge on the enemy and help me be the example you created me to be. Jesus, take my life. Amen. God bless you guys. Thank you so much for watching.