The Hard Truth About Empathy

Empathy has become a buzzword for brands, companies, and organizations. It’s one of those words that looks good on an “About Us” page or in a job posting, but the truth is, empathy doesn’t always show up in a feel-good, warm and fuzzy kind of way. Often, it can actually feel really uncomfortable, because it pushes us to examine ourselves and our biases, and how those show up in our work. 

In the past 5 years of building Jubilee Media a company dedicated to "provoke understanding and create human connection," I’ve learned a lot of lessons along the way - including what empathy in leadership really means to me. Here’s what I’ve found:  

• Empathy is about embracing tough conversations with authenticity and vulnerability. At Jubilee, we get to have a lot of really awesome conversations as a team - when we launch a viral video, drop a new Jubilee product, or close a new distribution deal. But we also have really hard conversations, too - like whether or not we’re doing enough to bring representation into our content, times when we may have missed the mark on a video, and other growing pains that come up as we continue to scale. I’ve found that talking about the tough stuff right out in the open, though it’s uncomfortable and vulnerable, puts people at ease and lends itself to far more progress than trying to always keep things positive and upbeat. When people feel heard and seen, hard truths invite a lot more collaboration than they do defensiveness -  and it builds trust, too.
• Empathy is about recognizing the limitations of our own perspectives. We all bring our own experiences and biases into every area of our lives, whether we fully realize it or not - the challenge is whether or not we can acknowledge those patterns and break them. Empathy in leadership means going the extra mile to make sure you’re considering all perspectives, and being honest about your own blind spots. Look around your meetings and take stock of who’s there - and who isn’t. Look at your email inbox - who are the people you’re communicating with most often - and whose voice aren’t you hearing? Ask questions to explore, not necessarily to challenge. It’s really difficult to know what you don’t know, but realizing that you may not have the full picture is the first step of putting the pieces together and building something great. 
• Empathy is about standing up for what’s right, even (and especially) when it’s difficult. It’s easy to talk about the importance of empathy when it makes us look good on social media and in leadership circles. But then we end up working with someone who has vastly different ideas about the world than we do. In that moment, it’s a lot harder to find common ground with them, build understanding, and find that place of collaboration. Sometimes, you just want to turn around and head the other direction. Or you want to side with the crowd throwing stones. But a commitment to empathy is also a commitment to integrity: even when no one is watching, even when it doesn’t benefit our careers or bolster our reputation, we still lead with understanding and humility. If empathy has just become our mantra because of its power as a buzzword, then we’ve lost the plot.

There have been plenty of moments in my time leading Jubilee when I’ve gotten it wrong - times when I overlooked an important perspective, or let my biases stand as a road-block on my path to understanding. But I’ve also been learning to extend empathy to myself as I learn along the way. A commitment to empathy doesn’t mean you’re going to get it right every time, but there’s a lot of power in making an effort.