Hey, Megamerger: Last I heard, screwing the help is no bueno. Did I miss a memo?

Whatcha got there, Megamerger?

A shank made from a supply-closet screwdriver, and a fully charged Makita?

Whoa.

I hear you’re eyeing the middle layer for $750 million in job cuts.

Not to offset a massive account loss, mind you, but to cap off your global merger.

Restructuring, you call it?

I’ve got a better word for it.

Betrayal.

The middle didn’t tank your agency.

You did.

But now you're going after the employees who made you rich?

Let’s talk optics.

Your CEO pocketed over $20 million in 2023—fat paychecks, hefty bonuses, second houses, epic vacations.

Meanwhile, your middle managers blow off birthdays and anniversaries to win pitches for you, only to find pink slips in their inboxes?

Their kids’ braces, their mortgages, their futures—you’re about to throw that all away.

Dude.

What if you had some real sack?

What if you screwed yourself for a change?

Your clients wouldn’t feel a thing.

Your people wouldn’t suffer.

Kids could stay in college.

Mortgages would get paid.

The karma would trend harder than your last earnings call.

But that's not going to happen now, is it?

You cobbled together a global megacluster nobody wanted, and now it's time to walk your middle layer off the plank without life vests.

You've announced your plan, and it's now time to execute.

Hold up, Megamerger.

Pump the brakes.

Let's take a 20,000-foot view from your Learjet's window.

Remember what happened the last time you pulled a stunt like this during the pandemic?

Some of the best creatives in the country got axed by you.

And where are they now?

They've started their own shops.

Creating some of the best work in the country.

Consistently.

They're coming to the table with something you no longer have.

Integrity. Chops. Fire.

They're betting on themselves, and so are more and more clients, both big and small.

Shops smarter, nimbler, and refreshingly devoid of multi-layered processes.

They're beating you at a new game, Megamerger.

They're more affordable and able to sprint.

AOR isn't asked for nor expected.

ROI is the proof they live by.

Boutiques.

Studios.

Consultancies and collectives.

Repair services and emporiums.

They're calling themselves pretty much anything but "agencies".

Because you pretty much poisoned that well with your performance-marketing and best-practices blather.

.When was the last time you did anything unforgettable and affordable? 

I'm waiting.

The irony?

That level of work is now kicking your ass from any number of places.

Mischief.

GeorgeCo.

Lafayette American.

Murder Hornet.

Quality Meats.

I could go by town.

Callen and Door Number 3, and Preacher, in Austin.

Dallas?

Three-Headed Monster.

Baker & Bonner Creative Emporium.

Plot Twist.

I could even go alphabetical.

Geezer.

GHOST.

Good Conduct.

And that's just the Gs.

As for the H's?

Hank’s TV Repair & Service launched just last week, with seasoned ad vets offering serious budgetary savings to television advertisers.

Never heard of 'em?

You will.

They do what they do without taking advantage of anyone.

Which brings me back to you, Megamerger.

You no longer have the corner on anything but rounding off the wrong edges of a sinking business proposition.

Brands don't need to lose their most trusted mid-level agency partners to clammy-handed stockholders.

Brands need to stand for something real.

Themselves.

Their work.

Branding that gets noticed, talked about, and delivers the goods, done with trusted partners, many of whom are ironically in the middle of their careers.

Brand architects who lead from the trenches, not the ivory towers.

You did this to yourself, Megamerger.

But before I go, I've got one more thing I'd like to say.

Find a stick of gum or a mint.

Because your breath could flip a goddamn Winnebago.

It smells like a decomposing corpse.

Yours.

[There's more where this came from: Books One, Two, and Three of the Advertising Survival Guide trilogy, to be more specific. Yeah, that's a plug. Link to buy in my LinkedIn header.]

#️⃣ #theadvertisingsurvivalguide