🔹 How It Feels to Be Ignored: A Quiet Leader’s Perspective
Andrew Shaffer, MSc, MCC
Transformational Coach to 100s of World-Class C-Suite Executives & Aspiring Leaders Worldwide | ICF MCC | Mentor Coach | Coach Supervisor | Workshop Facilitator
We talk a lot about giving people a voice. But we rarely ask: What does it feel like when no one hears it?
Over the years—as a coach, colleague, and quiet leader myself—I’ve seen what happens when people who think deeply, care deeply, and contribute quietly… feel overlooked. And I’ve felt it too.
Not dismissed. Not rejected. Just… unseen.
And that can be even harder to name.
When Thoughtfulness Gets Misread
In fast-moving environments—especially those shaped by strong hierarchies, urgent targets, or loud personalities—thoughtful leaders often get lost in the noise.
They might pause before speaking. Take time to process before responding. Prefer to share in smaller groups or one-on-one.
Instead of being recognized as intentional, they’re often misunderstood: • “Not engaged.” • “Lacking urgency.” • “Not leadership material.”
But silence is not absence. Stillness is not passivity. And quiet leaders don’t lack power— they simply express it differently.
A Different Kind of Presence
Some of the strongest leaders I’ve coached don’t dominate a room. They shift it—with presence, clarity, and integrity.
But only when given the space.
When that space doesn’t come, they may withdraw—not out of fear, but out of self-respect. Because if every effort to contribute goes unheard, why keep offering?
One senior leader I worked with put it this way:
“I’ve learned to pick my moments when it’s critical to speak up. But I wonder how much it’s worth the effort—especially when being louder seems to be the expectation, and that just isn’t me.”
And later, they added:
“I’ve stopped trying to compete for airtime. I’m just doing the work and staying in my lane.”
That’s not disengagement. That’s quiet resignation. And organizations are losing wisdom because of it.
What We Often Miss
This isn’t just about listening. It’s about noticing.
• Who consistently gets the mic—and who doesn’t? • Who’s expected to speak first—and who’s never invited? • Who brings depth—but gets cut off or glossed over?
If we only tune into volume and charisma, we miss the quieter power of stillness, reflection, and care—and the insight, drive, and perspective that so many bring in more subtle ways.
And we risk building cultures that reward speed over substance—and presence over perspective.
What Leaders Can Do Differently
If you're in a position of influence, here are a few small but powerful shifts:
And if you’re the one feeling unheard, know this:
Your voice matters—even if the room isn’t ready. You may not need to be louder. But you may need a different room—or a different way of entering it.
Your Turn
Have you ever felt like your voice wasn’t heard? What helped—or hurt—most in that moment?
I’d love to hear your story in the comments.👇 Let’s make this a space where every voice gets seen, heard, and honored.
#QuietLeadership #ConsciousLeadership #ExecutiveCoaching #LeadershipPresence #InclusiveLeadership #WorkplaceCulture #VoiceMatters
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1wI’m often the one that needs to speak less. This is a good reminder of how to accomplish that by leaving the right type of space for others.
Being an introvert myself, your post brings back a lot of memories, Andrew Shaffer, MSc, MCC. In my previous life I remember having to fight for air time and being told I should be more outgoing like xxx etc.... I felt maybe I didn't belong and maybe I wasn't suited to lead. I was very fortunate that I worked with clients who valued the way I was and the way I led. They asked for me to lead their accounts. It was through my clients that the companies I worked for realised what someone quieter could bring to the table. Some companies such as Amazon work in a way that caters to the quieter leaders. Instead of death by powerpoint, any proposals are summarised in a maximum of 2 pages which is circulated 2 days before the meeting. First 10 minutes of the meeting is spent reviewing the document followed by Q&As. I think that this such a powerful to acknowledge and support those of us who process information differently.
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1wGreat thoughts /post Andrew Shaffer, MSc, MCC ! An acknowledgment to the quieter leaders. Yes … In answer to your question! I think what hurts is the belief that someone else louder than I created my ideas/ services etc. I’ve chosen often not to speak up and correct peoples views and instead chosen to believe that no matter what people think, whatever transpires is going to be good for the whole system that I’m a part of. In other words, acknowledge it’s my ego that’s hurt, put it aside, appreciate I’m living on purpose and trust it’s all for the greater good!
Executive Coach (MCC ICF, EIA Senior Practitioner)| Team Coach (ACTC ICF, EMCC ITCA Practitioner) | Mentor Coach | ESIA Coach Supervisor | Team Coach Supervisor | Business Trainer | Facilitator | Writer 🇺🇸 & 🇵🇱
1wAndrew Shaffer, MSc, MCC I can here in this article how you subtly insert your own identity as a quiet leader, which adds authenticity and moves beyond the usual “expert-coach” voice. I read it as a lived experience, not just observation.
If you're a maverick, I'm your coach!
1wAndrew, from one quiet person to another, thank you! When I am quiet, it isn't because I am multi-tasking or daydreaming or planning for the weekend. I am observing not just the words but what is being said by the bodies and by the unspoken. I am reflecting on content and context and alternative responses that will build on what is being said, not tear it down or deflect it. When truly given voice, quiet leaders can be powerful leaders.