How to Get More of What You Want

Modern life is a terrible time waster. Consider social media, that invention designed to be a very effective time waster and distraction. (How do you feel after a social media session? Refreshed?) The rest of our lives can quicky disappear under the weight of a mass of reminders and notifications and To-Do lists, as we desperately try to keep our attention focused on getting the right things done, or disarming the landmines before they detonate, or tidying up loose ends as we go forward.

Most times we use our phones as instant entertainment devices to stave off boredom, if we’re going to use a brutal analogy as a child uses a dummy. So, the spare spaces in our days get constantly crowded out.

So how do we get things done that we really want to do, or get what we want reliably? And does this matter?

Most of us don’t have the luxury of staying in one state. Typically, we’re driven to move forward - whatever that looks like - in reaction to or in anticipation of a change in our environment. Our Engineering and Construction industry with its boom-and-bust cycles tends to generate the need to change with monotonous regularity: good businesses that thrive in the industry need to possess the capability of changing in response to the environment.

So, let’s consider moving forward from the perspective of the individual.

Oliver Berkemen, author of Meditation for Mortals, likens the journey forward as akin to paddling a kayak down the rapids, which is a disappointing analogy if we were hoping to work hard and get ourselves into a position where we feel like we are in control of the journey.

So how can we improve our chances of heading in a direction towards a desired goal or a needed change?

The first consideration concerns the selection of the goals. The first step is to write down your specific goals. Committing intentions to paper helps make them feel real and provides a prompter and reminder when necessary.

Then consider how meaningful the goal is to you: the best goals have an emotional connection. You can picture in your mind how you will feel when you reach your goal: if you want to become a regular gym goer, visualising feeling fit will strongly connect you with your goal.

Then consider whether the environment you currently are in will assist in achieving your goals or will act as a “handbrake” on your best efforts. What is the effect of the environment on the chances of success in achieving our desired goals? Significant! If your goal is to spend (say) 100 hours on social media in the next month, I’d assume that without even knowing you, there’s a great chance of you achieving that goal. And what is that telling you? That’s the power of environment in shaping our actions.

What are other best practice tips for setting and continuing on a desired path? We can consider these from a short-term (daily), a medium term (monthly) and a longer (yearly) perspective.

What to consider on a daily basis: Remove the obstacles to action. Another way to think about this is to consider what actions you need to take to move forward and consider how much friction is involved in carrying out these actions. If you can reduce the resistance to carrying out your actions, this will improve the chances of the actions continuing. For instance, if you want to get up and go to the gym early in the morning, packing your bag the night before will improve your chances of getting out of the house in the morning (and maybe give you an opportunity of more time in bed). As another example, consider what it would be like having a jet-setting life. Of course, the experience involves exciting experiences punctuated by the sheer boredom and frustration of travel. The people who pursue this type of life look to reduce the friction of travel to reduce the frustration in their lives, mostly by outsourcing (buying a jet, hiring a bag carrier or driver).

The next trick is to truly believe that you will achieve your goal and monitor your self-talk to confirm your belief. If the little voice in your head is telling you that you will never achieve that goal – maybe due to past efforts involving failure – you may need to give yourself a good talking to. Or break down your desired goal into chunks that feel more achievable to you.

Habit stacking can also be helpful. This idea, covered by James Clear in his book Atomic Habits, is that it’s easier to form new habits when you attach them to existing ones. To extend the example of going to the gym, you might note that you brush your teeth every night (a habit that most people have embedded in their bedtime routine). You might decide that you will pack your gym bag before you brush your teeth. And you might set your alarm to get up the next morning in time for gym after brushing your teeth. In this way you have associated your desired behaviour (bag packing, setting alarm) with something that you already do naturally (teeth cleaning).

What to consider on a monthly basis: The secret here is not to rely on motivation, which is not consistently reliable for even the most motivated people but waxes and wanes. The process feels more like one step forward, two steps back – the trick is to consider how quickly you will get back on track after you inevitably fall off the path. Accountability here can be helpful; it may be as simple as telling others about your intention. You might ask for support.

Consider how complex your proposed habits are and whether the process needs to be simplified into smaller, achievable “chunks” over a shorter time. Then when making progress, on a quarterly basis you can consider revising the target. Look back at your experiences, consider times when it was difficult to achieve your goals (maybe on holidays when your routine changed) and adjust your plan accordingly. The intention here should be set yourself up for success.

What to consider in the longer-term: For long-term goals, consider the sacrifices or trade-offs you will need to make on the way. Maybe you might need to adjust the timeframe depending on the amount of sacrifice you will have to make, or temper your expectations about the outcome.

Peter Wilkinson - Director, Sam Wilko Advisory

Author of “The Steel Ceiling: Achieving Sustainable Growth in Engineering and Construction” Wiley, 2023