How Insecurity Fuels Narcissism and Quietly Destroys Connection

“People who are unable to regulate their own emotions will attempt to control yours.”- Dr. Nicole LePera

Psychology tells us that narcissism is not true self-love, it is often a defence against deep-rooted insecurity and emotional deprivation. And jealousy? It’s not always envy of others, it’s often grief over the self we were never allowed to become.

Behind the grandiosity of narcissism often lies a fragile self-concept that cannot tolerate perceived threats, especially those posed by confident, self-assured individuals. In fact, research in personality psychology has shown a significant link between vulnerable narcissism and high levels of envy and low self-esteem. This makes perfect sense: when someone derives their sense of worth through external validation, your independence, happiness, or growth feels like rejection to them.

This is where things get quiet, complicated and cruel.

You may find yourself in a dynamic where the other person projects their inadequacies onto you. They nitpick, criticize, invalidate your emotions, and subtly try to chip away at your confidence. It’s not because you’ve done something wrong, it’s because your light threatens their internal darkness. Jealousy in this form is not about wanting what you have. It’s about resenting that you have it, and they don’t know how to create it for themselves.

It’s deeply manipulative but often unconscious.

Psychological projection is the process of attributing one’s own unwanted thoughts or feelings onto someone else. Narcissistic individuals, especially those with insecure attachment styles, do this to protect their fragile sense of self. When they feel jealous or threatened, they don’t say, “I feel small right now.” Instead, they say things like:

• “You think you’re better than everyone.”

• “You’ve changed.”

• “You’re too much.”

• “You’re just lucky, not talented.”

It’s a psychological defence mechanism, but it feels like emotional warfare to the person on the receiving end.

In these relationships, you’re often walking on eggshells, adjusting your tone, shrinking your success, questioning your reality. You may even start to internalize their voice as your own: “Maybe I am too much.” “Maybe I don’t deserve this.”

But here’s the truth that healing teaches you: You don’t have to abandon your growth to protect someone else’s fragility. You don’t have to suppress your joy to be safe from their projections.

And if you’ve ever been the one who felt the jealousy that’s okay too. It doesn’t make you broken. It makes you aware. The real work begins when we pause, reflect, and ask ourselves: What part of me is hurting when someone else is successful? What have I not healed that someone else’s joy awakens in me?

The journey away from narcissistic and insecure dynamics starts with self-awareness from both ends. It asks us to choose emotional regulation over reaction. Self-reflection over projection. Humility over ego.

Because in the end, true strength isn’t in control. It’s in connection. And true love whether for self or others is not possessive. It’s expansive.

Keep Growing!

With Strength & Smiles,

Shruti