How Not to Let the Haters Get You Down (Especially When You're Already on the Edge)

It was one of those weeks.

The kind where your inbox feels like a crime scene. The kind where the walls of your life press in a little too close.

I had COVID. My husband had COVID. Our three-year-old was clawing their way back from it, which meant sleep came in sporadic, feverish waves. My co-lead was out. I was trying to set up a new team while also realizing, with mounting horror, that we had to get our goal planning done by the end of the month.

And then the email came.

You know the kind. Passive-aggressive at best. A full-frontal attack at worst. Maybe it was dripping with corporate jargon meant to make the sender feel superior. Maybe it was just mean, like really? You’re taking this moment to pile on?

For a few minutes, I let it sink in. Let it settle in my chest. The outrage. The self-doubt. The simmering rage of I am doing my best, you absolute goblin.

But here’s the thing about mean emails when you’re already on the edge: they are never actually about you. They’re a projection of someone else’s stress, someone else’s need to be right, someone else’s inability to cope. And in that moment, you have a choice:

Do you let it ruin your day? Or do you mentally print it out, crumple it up, and yeet it into the abyss?

1. Recognize the Stress Cocktail

Your brain, when overwhelmed, is terrible at distinguishing real threats from petty annoyances. Sleep deprivation? Illness? Work stress? That email lands like a slap instead of a mosquito bite.

But pause. Recognize that your reaction isn’t just about this email. It’s about everything piled up behind it. It’s the exhaustion. It’s the responsibility. It’s the fact that your child coughed directly into your eyeball at 3 a.m. last night.

It’s not just the email. And that means the email doesn’t get to define the moment.

2. The Art of Not Giving a F*ck (About the Wrong Things)

A wise book once said you only have so many f*cks to give. Choose wisely.

This email? It’s bait. It’s a trap designed to pull you into a spiral of defensiveness and wasted energy. Instead of engaging, ask yourself:

• Does this person’s opinion actually matter?

• Is this critique valid, or is it just noise?

• Will this email matter in a week? A month? A year?

If the answer is “no” to at least two of those, congratulations—you just saved yourself a ton of emotional bandwidth.

3. Petty Revenge, But Make It Classy

If you must respond, do it with the detached amusement of someone who has already won.

• Kill them with kindness. “Thanks for your feedback! I’ll take it into consideration.”

• Go full corporate Jedi. “Appreciate your thoughts. Can you clarify what outcome you’re hoping for?”

• Deploy the nuclear option: silence. Nothing unsettles a hater like being ignored.

4. Zoom the Hell Out

At the end of the day, you are a human being who survived the week from hell, keeping a household together, navigating career chaos, and raising a tiny human—all while battling a virus.

Meanwhile, this person? They spent their time crafting a mean email.

Who’s really winning here?

5. The Golden Rule of Overwhelm: Just Get Through Today

Some weeks aren’t about thriving. They’re about surviving. And that’s okay.

If you’re overwhelmed, your job isn’t to win arguments or prove points. Your job is to get to the other side with as much energy and dignity intact as possible.

So, take a deep breath, close the email, sip some water, get some sleep if you can, hug your kid, and remind yourself: some people send mean emails, and some people build things that matter.

You know which one you are.