How to Save a Life...
Rosie Turner
Founder of ADHD Untangled ✨ Accredited ADHD Coach & CPD Trainer ✨Passionate about supporting the Sports & Wellness Industry✨ADHD Retreats,✨Podcast Host of ADHD Untangled
You never know the domino effect your ability to take the time to understand can have on someone’s life.
Last Friday night, I jumped in an Uber home from my weekly solo cinema night.
I’ve always loved a deep and meaningful chat, asking the big questions about life. (Makes sense why I became a coach.)
Back in the day, a lot of those conversations happened in the back of a taxi, usually around 5am, after a big night out, when my life was a cycle of hangovers, late nights, and addictive partying.
I’ve met some really kind and talented drivers too.
Two have even sold me their books.
But Friday night’s Uber chat was deeper than most.
It started with him mentioning that Caroline Flack’s mental health festival was on locally.
He spoke about how important mental health and ADHD support is.
Before he’d even finished the word ADHD, I proudly replied that I’m an ADHD coach, eager to get into the conversation.
He went on to share something he still hasn’t told his family.
A few years ago, he stood on Tower Bridge, my favourite bridge in the world, and thought about ending his life.
He’d lost interest in his religion.
Felt cut off from his community.
Felt he didn’t belong anywhere.
He’d lost hope.
While he was there, he saw a Samaritan Line sticker.
Instead of jumping, he called.
A woman on the other end encouraged him to look at what he did have.
To turn his attention away from the darkness and into the light.
That moment changed his life.
Truth is, I’ve stood at that bridge a few times too.
With the same thoughts.
And just like him, a sign has always shown up for me at the right time.
A call from a loved one.
A message with a photo from a fun memory.
Words I needed to read.
Or even a passer-by who breaks the dark spiral by simply saying good morning.
Strangely enough , the film I’d just watched before this ride home was Freakier Friday with Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis.
It’s about a family who swap bodies and are forced to live in each other’s shoes.
The only way they can switch back is when they truly understand each other.
Not just on the surface, but in a way they never had before.
It reminded me of something I think about a lot, and try my best to live by in my personal life and always in my professional life choosing understanding over judgement wherever I can.
What that looks like in real life is trying to pause long enough to imagine why the person in front of you might be reacting the way they are.
And science backs it up.
When someone feels seen, their brain releases oxytocin, the trust and connection chemical that calms the nervous system and tells the body “I’m safe here.”
Loneliness is now considered as damaging to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Research shows people with strong social relationships have a 50% greater chance of survival compared to those who are isolated.
Connection isn’t just “nice to have” it changes our health, our outlook, and in some cases, it saves lives.
Easier said than done?
The Power of Why
Easier said than done?
A simple shift that’s helped me is asking why before I make a statement, assumption, or judgment.
There’s a reason so many books have been written about the power of why Simon Sinek even built a whole movement on it with his book Start With Why. In my opinion, it’s the most valuable word in the English language if you want to truly connect with people.
Want more connection? Ask why more.
And just imagine the positive ripple effect if we all did.
Imagine if we’d asked why instead of labelling that kid as naughty.
If we’d asked why they kept getting into trouble at school.
If we’d asked why, they couldn’t seem to pay attention to the “important” things.
If we’d asked why instead of assuming someone was stupid because they couldn’t pass exams.
If we’d asked why about the addictive patterns, the struggles with money, the jobs they couldn’t hold down, the relationships that kept breaking.
If we’d asked why they believed what they believed about themselves.
If instead of saying “why are you acting like such an idiot” in a relationship, we’d paused and asked “why are you finding this so hard right now?”
If instead of “why are you always so defensive” we’d asked “why does this feel unsafe for you?”
Imagine the relationships that could be saved.
The jobs that could be kept.
The trust that could be built.
The entire trajectory of someone’s life that could change, just from having the ability to ask a question instead of pointing fingers.
Because why not make excuses?
Why create space for communication and connection?
It creates a moment for us to learn from our behaviour and choose again.
To check in with what’s really going on underneath it all.
It’s empathy in action, and it’s understanding, not judgment.
And understanding changes everything.
We’ve stopped having each other’s backs.
We’ve stopped connecting like we used to.
Asking for tea bags. Borrowing milk. Saying hello, for god’s sake.
In that taxi journey home, I realised even more how important it is to choose to understand, to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes, to ask why more to lead with curiosity over judgement wherever we can.
We don’t have to be perfect.
But if we can try our best to be more open, more present, in a world that’s completely lost its natural ability to connect, we stand a chance.
We need to be looking out for each other, having each other’s backs, knowing that deep down we’re all just trying our f***ing best to live in this chaotic, crazy, often hard world.
Feel Good Fridays
It’s why I started my Feel Good Fridays.
Every Friday, I make a conscious effort to do something, however small, that makes someone else feel good.
If I’m feeling flush, it might be paying for the coffee or lunch of the person behind me.
It might be sending a message to a friend to tell them I love them and I’m grateful for them.
It might be telling someone they’re amazing.
It might just be giving my time for free to someone who needs it over the phone.
Because sometimes, those small things that take almost nothing from us are the very things that keep someone else going.
Forgive.
Apologise.
Notice someone.
Hold open a door.
Or just…
Show them, in whatever way you can, that they matter.
Because you never know it might just save a life.
Social Worker, Teacher, Sports Coach, Patient & Health Equity Advocacy, ADHD resources, Medical Researcher, Intellectual and Developmental Disability Advocacy.
1moThank you for sharing this. 🙏
ADHD Money Coach | Helping Women Overcome Impulsive Shopping, Break Free from Debt, and Build Financial Confidence through One-to-One Coaching.
1moBeing seen is so impactful.
Anaplan Data Modeller/Analyst/Integrations | Volunteer Video Producer, Welfare Officer, Charity Trustee, and ND & Mental Health Advocate
1moMy sister talked me off the ledge at a pivotal time. I had been having thoughts about suicide ever since I was 9 mostly because of certain things that were happening in my life that I won’t go into. I remember aged 31, I phoned my sister because I wanted to see what she thought about me ending my life. I was severely depressed, I had no confidence, I was stuck, paralysed with fear and second guessing, my self esteem was in the gutter, I felt worthless. I felt like a waste and a burden to others. I figured ending my life would make it easier for everyone else, and it would allow everyone I was connected to, to get on with their lives. My sister explained that although she kind of saw my point, I would upset more people if I ended my life, and too many people would just not understand my reasons for doing it. And the knock on effect would be greater than the things that I thought it would fix. I had never thought about it from that perspective, which turned out to be the best thing to say to me at the time. Sadly it changed something in our relationship and we’ve never been as close since. Anyway now I randomly check on people who lose contact who stop reaching out. The crisis in mental health has never been more acute.
ADHD & Autism Psychotherapist | CPD-Accredited Trainer | Speaker on Neurodiversity & Mental Health | MSc MIACP
1moPowerful reminder. Sometimes it’s not a big intervention that changes a life, it’s a pause, a question, a moment of being truly seen. Connection regulates the nervous system, eases shame, and can be the reason someone stays. Being seen can be as life-saving as any treatment plan.