How to speak up when you’re “the only” in the room

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“Women belong in all places where decisions are being made. It shouldn’t be that women are the exception.” - Ruth Bader Ginsberg 

Ponder this…

Just last week, we marked International Women’s Day, and here in the United States, March is also Women’s History Month. They’re important celebrations of the achievements of women, but they also serve as important calls to action to accelerate women’s equality. While we have made incredible progress, women still lag behind men when it comes to representation at work, especially at executive levels. For many female leaders, that means we’re often faced with the challenge of being the only woman in the room. 

This doesn’t just apply to women. Being one of “the few” or “the only” is experienced by many. It often means navigating unspoken and unconscious biases, and with fewer allies who understand your experiences, it can be isolating. Being overlooked, interrupted, or excluded from internal networks are common experiences for many women, and that makes it harder to be seen and heard—even when the exclusion is unintentional. 

How I found my voice

I grew up at an all-boys boarding school—not as a student, but as a “faculty brat.” My parents were both teachers and we lived on campus, so I grew up surrounded by 150 boys. There were only three of us young girls in that world—outnumbered 50 to 1. I didn’t recognize until later how odd that truly was or how much it shaped me.

One of the most defining aspects of my childhood was dinner at the school’s dining hall. Five nights a week, my family would sit down for a meal with six boys from the school. Despite the formal dress code of coats and ties, these gatherings were anything but quiet and orderly. The conversation was lively, often chaotic, and competitive, with six teenage boys—all older than me—jockeying to be heard. It took effort—real effort—to get a word in. I didn’t realize it then, but I learned how to assert myself in a room full of people who were louder, more confident, and more senior.

Fast-forward to my early career, and I found myself in boardrooms and client meetings, often the youngest in the room and frequently the only woman. As a management consultant, I worked on numerous projects that took me into male dominated industries and boardrooms, from tech to the Union Pacific Railroad—an environment not exactly known for its abundance of women. But walking into those spaces didn’t intimidate me. I had spent my entire childhood practicing.

It wasn’t until later, through leadership roles and coaching, that I realized my experience was not universal. Speaking up—especially in high-stakes conversations—doesn’t come naturally to everyone. And while I had unconsciously trained for it from childhood, many people struggle to get their voices into the room.

That’s why I want to share a few strategies for making sure your voice is heard at work, particularly when you’re “the only” in the room.

Don’t give self-doubt time to have the upper hand

Your ideas are just as valuable as anyone else's in the room. The key is to break the habit of overanalyzing and start speaking up. So don’t give self-doubt time to invade your thoughts. Instead of second-guessing yourself, say what comes to mind and trust that your perspective matters. Build confidence by practicing in lower-stakes settings, gradually training yourself to contribute without overthinking. In meetings, aim to be one of the first to speak. The longer you wait, the more doubt creeps in, and the greater the chance someone else will share your idea first. By making it a habit to engage early, you’ll not only strengthen your voice but also establish yourself as an active and valuable participant in the conversation.

Stop thinking you need to say something brilliant

Losses loom larger in our brains than potential gains, so it’s natural that we tend to focus more on the risks of speaking up than the rewards.  But the truth is that not getting your voice into the room comes with even bigger risks. Others may think you don’t have any ideas or simply don’t care, or they may see you as more of an order-taker than someone with perspective.

No one wants to be one of those people who talk without adding value. However, your inner critic is holding you to a standard others don’t, causing you to self-censor to your detriment. That voice may tell you that other viewpoints have more weight, that what you have to say isn’t valuable, or other safe-keeping lies. To quiet your inner critic, ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen if I speak up?” Next consider, “How likely is that, really?” Bringing our fears into the light often reveals them to be far less daunting than they first appeared. Finally, shift your focus to, “What’s the best that could happen?”

If you don’t have a strong point of view or perspective on the situation at hand, ask questions. Thoughtful and probing questions can help us to better understand others’ viewpoints, suggestions, and proposals. Not only does it lead to a more robust understanding and fruitful discussion for everyone, it’s also one of the easiest ways to engage in a meeting.

Make a plan

Preparation can go a long way toward helping you feel more confident. Set a goal for how many times you want to contribute—having a target will help you stay engaged. Before each meeting, identify at least one agenda item you will address and prepare your thoughts in advance. Commit to sharing your perspective, even if it feels redundant or contrary. If you're unsure where to contribute, you might ask senior colleagues for guidance. You can continue to participate by asking thoughtful questions. This will foster deeper discussion while still demonstrating your presence in the conversation.

Appoint a wingman (ahem—wing person!) 

If you have a trusted and more vocal colleague in the meeting, ask them to help bring you into the conversation on key topics. Having a “wingman” can be especially valuable in male-dominated meetings, where you might be talked over or have your ideas overlooked until echoed by someone else. A supportive colleague can create space for you to speak, reinforce your contributions, and ensure your voice is recognized.

The key is this: you don’t have to change who you are to take up space. You just need to know how to claim your seat at the table—literally and figuratively. While structural change is necessary to create more inclusive workplaces, we don’t have to wait for the perfect environment to make our voices heard. By preparing, pushing past self-doubt, and leveraging allies, we can create space not just for ourselves, but for others who come after us. Progress happens when we step forward, speak up, and refuse to be overlooked.

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Emotionally Charged blends science and strategy, providing leaders and managers with the tools to navigate today’s emotionally-taxing workplace. Buy it for yourself, and share it with the leaders in your life!

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