How to Stop Feeling Small — Without Making Others Wrong
Ann de Passos
Nervous System-First Consultant, Trainer and Coach | Empowering people to make a positive impact in their organisations and communities
There’s a particular kind of pain that sneaks in quietly. Someone says something sharp, dismissive, or indifferent — and suddenly, you feel small. Deflated. Shaky. Threatened. Not quite yourself.
It’s easy to blame them. But the truth is more empowering than that: Only we can give permission for that feeling to settle in.
We make ourselves feel small when we already believe we are. And the nervous system? It’s constantly scanning for evidence to confirm those beliefs. Someone else’s offhand comment, body language, or silence becomes fuel for the story.
But here’s the shift: If that belief isn’t alive in you, the moment passes differently. You stay centred. Spacious. Whole. You feel safe in your body — even when others don’t.
This doesn’t mean pretending things don’t hurt. It means recognising what belongs to you, and what doesn’t.
When someone else feels small, they may say or do things to bring others down. You might feel it. You might name it. But you don’t need to embody it.
So the next time you feel that wobble — or better yet, before it even happens — try these four steps:
1. Notice the wobble. Your nervous system is speaking to you. Get curious: what pulled/pulls you off-centre?
2. Respond to your needs. Ask what would help you feel balanced again — rest, breath, meditation, self-healing, boundaries, movement, time in nature...? This is self-regulation, not retaliation - note it has nothing to do with your response to the other person.
3. Co-regulate with compassion. If you are feeling safe in yourself, stay connected. Let your grounded energy invite the other person into presence too. Hurt people hurt people — people lash out when they’re disconnected from themselves.
4. Rebuild from your adult self. Let the relationship evolve — not from defence, but from steadiness. That’s where possibility lives.
Simple? Yes. Easy? Not always — especially if we haven’t practised toning this part of our nervous system.
That’s what 'This is Me' is here for: https://www.theviewlooksgood.com/thisisme
It’s a six-week journey to help you feel more like your true self, using nervous system tools to soften old patterns and build new ones that support the life you want.
We’d love to welcome you. If you want to feel it out first, join our Curiosity Session next Thursday at 12:00 BST (reply or DM me for a link).
Living & working Nervous System-First, Co-creating The View Looks Good, Coach, Trainer, Speaker, Nervous System Explorer
5moIt’s such a deep shift to separate your actions from someone else’s behaviour. I’m feeling the deep benefits of this work myself today and how it not only stops you feeling small, but begins to reshape the reality of your world. When you respond differently, the world shows up very differently. 🎉🥳 Can’t wait to be teaching this with you!
co-creator of "the view looks good" | former Economic Advisor, European Investment Bank | Former Head of Social, European Investment bank Institute | OECD | Work Bank
5moAnn de Passos love this. You only feel small if you allow it to happen!