"I Felt Like I Was On Trial"

I just finished reading a Police Officer's account of his experience at court. Jon Needham was aged about seven when he was placed in care due to his mother experiencing a mental health breakdown following his father being imprisoned.

Whilst in foster care he was sexually abused for a period of a year by an older child.

He didn't disclose the abuse to anyone for decades.

He later, in his early forties joined the police force, and felt a strong responsibility to ensure his abuser was brought to justice - fearing that the perpetrator would likely have gone on to abuse others.

As a result he reported the abuse to the police.

When the case went to court, he stated feeling like he was on trial.

He recalled a number of matters that I think are worthy of mention: "I felt disbelieved like I was a criminal - like every part of my life had been under the microscope."

He went on to say that he found the barrister snotty and very intimidating. "I was petrified and shaking...emotionally I was not ready for it because you're never ready for these things. By the end I felt traumatised."

Unfortunately he did not get the outcome he wanted, and his abuser was allowed to walk free from court. Following the result of his court case his mental health swiftly deteriorated and he was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Jon Needham's experiences in my view are similar to the experiences reported by others.

He did not disclose his abuse for well over thirty years, and when he did so, it came about largely from a desire to safeguard others.

For me it is almost always a sign that you have been subjected to something traumatic when, for one reason or another, you choose not to disclose it to anyone for an inordinate length of time.

When being cross examined it is common to feel like you are on trial, because in a real sense you are. Barristers cross examining you are paid handsomely to make you look and feel like you're the person who should be on trial, and as a consequence you are under intense scrutiny.

Although as a Police Officer he was used to dealing with tough questioning, he admitted not being emotionally prepared for the experiences he was exposed to in the witness box. And the truth of the matter is that no one is, unless you consciously make the decision to prepare yourself well in advance for your time in court.

After his court appearances his mental health collapsed and he was diagnosed as suffering with PTSD. Again, in my experience, this is not unusual. He was not only re-traumatised by reliving the events that occurred whilst being abused as a child, but he was further re-traumatised, in my view, by having to cope with aggressive cross examination.

It needs to be recognised that whether you're a professional or not, that all people need appropriate emotional and practical support to act as a witness at court, including suitable after care as a result.

This after care, I think, should involve, de-briefing and/or coming out of role, discussions with suitably caring individuals about the feelings emotions, thoughts and images you are left with.

When appropriate, and it may be more necessary than recognised, witnesses may need counselling to help them adequately deal with the events experienced in the witness box and their after effects.

If professionals such as social workers need this support, and I am clear that they do, how much more necessary is this support for parents, survivors of abuse and other vulnerable groups of people!