Identity, Change, and Well-Being: Coping Strategies for Life Transitions

By Hanouf Alahmari, MA, LMFT Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California and Licensed Senior Specialist in Clinical Psychology in Saudi Arabia

Life transitions shape who we are, whether they come in the form of a career shift, relocation, marriage, or a deeply personal transformation. Even when change is chosen or positive, it can bring feelings of uncertainty, emotional distress, and shifts in identity.  Instead of seeing reactions to change as “good” or “bad,” it can be helpful to recognize them as adaptive responses that make sense based on our past experiences.

Research shows that the brain perceives uncertainty as a stressor, triggering emotional and physiological responses designed to keep us safe (Holmes & Rahe, 1967). For those with past experiences of unpredictability, life transitions may feel even more intense, as the nervous system reacts to both present and past stressors.

In these moments, questions often arise:

• Why does change feel overwhelming, even when it is expected?
• How can I manage stress and anxiety in times of transition?
• What happens when relationships are affected by life changes?
• How do I find stability when everything around me feels uncertain?
• Can this transition be an opportunity for growth rather than a time of struggle?
• Can I move through this transition in a way that honors both my emotions and my need for stability?

While change can be unsettling, there are strategies backed by psychology and neuroscience that help build resilience, strengthen emotional regulation, and create a sense of stability.

Acknowledge and Process Your Emotions

Transitions often bring a mix of emotions such as excitement, fear, grief, and uncertainty. Psychological research suggests that avoiding emotions as a way to cope is a natural response, but over time, it can increase stress. Instead, acknowledging emotions in a way that feels safe supports emotional regulation and adaptability (Gross, 2015).

• Self-Compassion Without Pressure: Practicing self-kindness rather than self-criticism reduces stress and supports emotional well-being (Neff, 2011). This does not mean forcing positivity but allowing space for all emotions, even the difficult ones.

• Journaling and Reflection: Writing about emotions has been linked to improved mood and mental clarity by promoting cognitive processing (Pennebaker & Chung, 2011). If journaling feels overwhelming, even small check-ins, such as noting one feeling a day, can be a gentle way to start.

• Internal Family Systems (IFS): Understanding different emotional "parts" within yourself, such as the part that fears change and the part that longs for new experiences, can create inner balance and self-leadership (Schwartz & Sweezy, 2020). 

It may be especially helpful for those who have experienced past disruptions in safety or stability.

Strengthen Emotional Resilience

Resilience is not about pushing through challenges but about expanding emotional capacity in a way that feels safe and sustainable.

Studies highlight that emotional regulation plays a key role in adjusting to new circumstances (Bonanno, 2004).

• Mindfulness and Breathwork: Research shows that mindfulness and deep breathing regulate the amygdala, helping reduce anxiety and improve emotional stability (Zeidan et al., 2010). However, for some, mindfulness can bring up discomfort. If this happens, grounding exercises—such as feeling your feet on the floor—can offer an alternative approach.
• Faith and Spiritual Connection: Many individuals find that spiritual practices such as prayer, meditation, or seeking guidance from religious mentors offer comfort and clarity during uncertain times (Koenig, 2012). If religious beliefs have been a source of both support and challenge, exploring spirituality in a way that feels personally meaningful can be beneficial.
• EMDR for Emotional Processing: If a transition triggers unresolved grief or trauma, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy can support emotional healing (Shapiro, 2018). Trauma-aware approaches, such as Somatic Experiencing, can also help regulate the nervous system during transitions.

Lean on Support Systems

A strong support system can help ease emotional burdens and provide reassurance during uncertain times. However, seeking support can feel vulnerable, especially for those who have experienced relational wounds or cultural expectations around self-reliance. 

Research highlights that social connections improve emotional well-being and reduce stress responses (Uchino, 2006).

• Community and Relationships: 

Connecting with those who share similar backgrounds or life experiences creates a sense of belonging and understanding. Even small moments of connection, such as a conversation with a trusted friend, can help regulate emotions.

• Therapy and Counseling: 

Speaking with a therapist who understands cultural and personal complexities can help process emotions and gain clarity.  Support groups or culturally specific healing spaces can be valuable alternatives if therapy feels unfamiliar or inaccessible.

• Co-Regulation Practices: 

Safe and supportive relationships contribute to emotional stability by reinforcing a sense of connection and safety (Porges, 2011). This can include anything from a hug to simply sitting in the presence of a trusted person or pet.

Create Stability in Uncertainty

When life feels uncertain, the nervous system naturally searches for cues of safety. Creating small moments of predictability, both internally and externally, can support a sense of emotional grounding. Research suggests that structured habits can reduce cognitive overload and enhance overall well-being (Baumeister & Vohs, 2016).

• Routine and Structure: Simple, consistent habits such as morning rituals, movement, or faith-based practices create a sense of normalcy. However, if rigid routines feel overwhelming, starting with flexible rituals, like choosing between two grounding activities, can provide structure without pressure.

• Set Small Goals: Breaking down change into manageable steps reduces overwhelm and builds confidence (Deci & Ryan, 2000). Honoring your own pace, rather than external expectations, can make the process more sustainable.

• Regulate the Nervous System: Engaging in movement, breathing exercises, or grounding techniques supports emotional balance and reduces stress (Porges, 2011). For those with past trauma, gentle movement practices (such as stretching or walking) can be an accessible starting point.

Shift Your Perspective on Change

How we interpret change can shape our emotional experience, but this does not mean forcing a “positive” mindset.  It is most effective when it honors our nervous system’s responses and personal readiness (Beck, 1976)

• Growth Mindset Without Bypassing Emotions: 

Seeing transitions as opportunities for learning and self-discovery promotes emotional flexibility (Dweck, 2006). At the same time, it is okay to grieve what was lost before embracing what is new.

• Cultural Integration: 

Embracing new experiences while staying connected to personal values creates a sense of belonging and identity. For many, change involves navigating intergenerational or cultural expectations. Finding a path that honors both personal and collective needs can be a delicate but meaningful process.

• Accept Discomfort as Temporary: Recognizing that transitions are a phase can help reduce fear and resistance. Yet, it’s also okay if this perspective takes time to develop. The goal is not to rush acceptance, but to offer yourself patience along the way.

In many cultures, family expectations, faith, and personal identity are deeply interconnected, which can make life transitions feel emotionally complex. Navigating change while honoring these values may bring up both challenges and meaningful opportunities. While it can sometimes feel overwhelming, it is possible to move through change in a way that respects both personal growth and cultural roots. Rather than choosing one over the other, creating space for both can support a transition that feels grounded, authentic, and self-aligned.

The Bottom Line

Adjusting to change is not about forcing acceptance but about finding safety in the process. With self-compassion, support, and practices that honor personal needs, transitions can become opportunities for self-trust and growth at a pace that feels right for you.

About the Author

Hanouf Alahmari, LMFT, is a bilingual (Arabic & English) therapist licensed in California and Saudi Arabia. She specializes in healing trauma, attachment wounds, and relational challenges, providing evidence-based, culturally attuned care to support lasting emotional well-being.

Hanouf is available for speaking engagements, podcast interviews, and panel discussions on trauma, attachment, mental health, and healing in Middle Eastern, North African (MENA), and Muslim communities.

For collaborations and inquiries, contact hello@trueselfpractice.com

هنوف الأحمري، معالجة نفسية ومعالجة أسرية وزوجية مرخصة في كاليفورنيا والمملكة العربية السعودية، تقدم علاجًا نفسيًا ثنائي اللغة (العربية والإنجليزية) يرتكز على فهم الصدمات النفسية وجروح التعلق والتحديات العاطفية. تعتمد في نهجها على أساليب علاجية قائمة على الأدلة العلمية، مع مراعاة الثقافة العربية والإسلامية، لمساعدة الأفراد على استعادة توازنهم العاطفي وبناء علاقات صحية ومتوازنة.

هنوف متاحة للمشاركة في الفعاليات كمتحدثة، وإجراء مقابلات في البودكاست، والمشاركة في حلقات نقاش حول الصدمات النفسية، والتعلق، والصحة النفسية، وطرق التشافي في مجتمعات الشرق الأوسط وشمال إفريقيا والمجتمعات المسلمة.