I’m Not Standoffish, I’m Just Plotting My Escape Route

Let’s get real: big events terrify me.

Yes, I run a massive conference. Yes, my job often requires me to seem like the life of the party. And yes, I’m pretty good at it. But on the inside? Some days, I want to cancel everything, sneak out early, or find the nearest dark corner to hide in.

My ADHD and introversion love to tag-team me in the worst ways. I freeze before events, dreading the small talk and fearing the moment I get cornered by someone pitching an idea. Small talk? Forget it. I’d rather vanish. But I still go.

And for everyone who’s ever thought I was standoffish? Let me explain: it’s not because I’m mean or think I’m better than you. I’m just having a full-blown moment inside my body. Introverts like me can feel completely overwhelmed in those big, buzzing rooms. Anxiety doesn’t always look like panic—it looks like me scanning the room for an exit while trying to keep it together.

Here’s what I’ve learned: while these emotions still creep up, I’m not as terrified as I used to be. Not all the time, but most of the time. Why? Because I’ve found ways to make it easier on myself. One big shift? I’ve learned to tune out the noise.

When I’m face-to-face with someone pitching their business, I let all the chaos around me fall away. I squarely focus on them—their story, their business, their passion. In those moments, it’s not about me. It’s about them. My showing up matters to them. My kindness matters, even when my insides are in knots.

It’s different, of course, with friends and family. One-on-one time with people I know and trust feels like a totally different world. I don’t have to push through the same internal struggle, which is a huge relief. But at events? It takes effort. And a plan.

Here’s what has helped me get through it—and maybe it’ll help you, too:

1. Plan Your Recharge Time Like It’s Non-Negotiable

Big events will drain you. Period. Accept it and prepare for it. I always schedule downtime before and after an event. This is a hard rule for me. Whether I’m recharging with a workout, a nap, or sitting in silence, it helps me recover so I don’t hit a wall.

2. Prep Your Go-To Lines

Small talk used to send me spiraling. Now, I come armed with a few go-to lines or questions that feel authentic. My favorite? “What’s the most exciting thing you’re working on right now?” It’s simple, open-ended, and gets the conversation flowing without me overthinking.

3. Boundaries Are Your Superpower

Let me be clear: you are not required to stand there while someone pitches you into oblivion. Practice saying, “This sounds great—can you email me so I can give it the attention it deserves?” You’ve just given yourself an exit and stayed polite. Win-win.

4. Game Plan > Freefall

Walking into a big event without a plan? No. Just no. Set clear, small goals for yourself: meet three people, attend one breakout session, or send one follow-up email after the event. Having a plan keeps you focused and helps avoid that overwhelming “what am I even doing here?” feeling.

5. Bring a Sidekick

If you can, bring someone who gets you—whether that’s a friend, a team member, or even just someone who loves working a room. They can help you bridge conversations, give you an out when you need it, or make the experience feel less daunting.

Here’s the Truth

If you’ve ever felt like canceling, hiding, or ghosting halfway through an event, I get it. I’ve been there. But here’s what I’ve learned: showing up doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. You don’t need to master small talk or be the loudest voice in the room. You just need to show up.

Every time I step into a crowded room—even when I’m feeling wobbly—I remind myself that showing up is the win. That’s how connections happen. That’s how doors open.

So to everyone who’s ever mistaken my quietness or “I need a minute” face for being standoffish, here’s the truth: I’m not mean. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else. I’m just doing my best to keep it together while a storm brews inside.

And while these emotions still well up sometimes, I’ve learned how to navigate them. Focusing on others—on their stories, their ideas, and their hard work—grounds me. When I show up for them, it reminds me why I’m there in the first place.

Take a deep breath, trust your plan, and give yourself credit for showing up. You’ve got this. Even if you stumble or sidestep a conversation awkwardly, you’re still winning just by being there.

Now go shine, awkward small talk and all.