Imposter Syndrome or Opportunities for Self-Growth?

Giving Advice I don't follow

A problem that I have recently encountered that fills me with imposter syndrome is giving advice to others that I don’t follow. The scenario usually looks like this:

I talk to friends from school or community members from Church and they ask me if I have any helpful advice that could aid them in working through their struggles (after I share about my similar experiences). As a reflex, I give them words of wisdom that no one could refute like, “You need to take more time for yourself” or “You have to step outside your comfort zone”. Unfortunately, these are pieces of advice that I struggle to live up to myself.

This cognitive dissonance occurs shortly after I give advice. I look in the mirror and ask myself, “When was the last time I took more time to myself or stepped outside of my comfort zone?” As a result, I beat myself up for being an imposter, and realize that people like me are the reason that the phrase “talk is cheap” exists. After facing this problem time and time again, I started to see my self-confidence drop and my self-contempt rise. This was not good.

I had to do something about it. The self-pity was only going to limit my ability to grow and help those around me! That’s when I thought to myself, “How could I stop being such a hypocrite?”

Changing My Mindset

In Chapter 2 of his book 12 Rules for Life, Jordon Peterson advises that people should look after themselves as if they were someone they were responsible for helping. This was it. Instead of just giving it out, I could start taking my own advice 

Now when I advise others, I stop using it as a chance to beat myself up and instead, I let it be a reminder to continue to cultivate my personal life. Giving advice to people would segway to self-reflections where I could ponder, “When was the last time I did this? If I’m not doing it now, could I start?”

Setting Achievable Goals

Starting small and acting on these reflections has helped me to work on my feelings of imposter syndrome. Let’s say I give someone the advice to start stepping outside their comfort zone and in the process, I realize that I haven’t been stepping outside my own comfort zone. Instead of allowing this realization to bog me down, I start setting up goals that could help me practise what I preach. 

When it comes to goal setting, as I have learnt from many leadership courses, start small. Start so small that you can’t possibly mess it up. For example, I have recently been trying to pray once a day to help grow my faith. Instead of just jumping to 30 minutes of intense prayer a day, I started with just 1 minute. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but as I slowly got more into the habit of doing a short prayer each day, the idea of praying daily stopped being so scary. This reassuring comfort allowed me to gradually increase my prayer time.  

Slowly going through this cycle of getting comfortable with a challenge, then increasing it ever so slightly, has made this journey of commitment much easier. Though it is still a struggle now and then, praying more frequently has really helped me to grow in my faith. This same method works with any other goals you want to set. Maybe try it out with exercise, meditation, or taking the time to read a book!

Main Takeaway

By looking at my conversations with others as a point of self-reflection and a chance to set progressive goals to grow myself, I have slowly been able to fight against my imposter syndrome. Nowadays, the conviction I have when giving advice stems from the desire to help both myself and those around me. I hope this perspective on imposter syndrome helps!  

When was the last time you gave advice that you don’t follow?