The In-Between is Sacred: What the Space Between Moments Taught Me About Coaching

A word found me recently.

I was reading a book, and the word liminal appeared – one I’d never come across before. The next day, I heard it again at a TEDx talk. Twice in 24 hours. That rarely happens. And when it does, I pay attention.

Liminal: the space between. The moment after something ends but before the next thing begins.

It made me stop and think about coaching.

Because that’s often where my clients are when they come to me – between the old and the new, the familiar and the unknown, the comfort of certainty and the pull of possibility. It’s rarely neat. Sometimes it’s deeply uncomfortable. But it’s also full of potential.

And it made me reflect: What is my role, really, in that space? What am I being asked to hold – and who am I becoming as I do it?

The In-Between is Where the Work Happens

This in-between space is often misunderstood. It can feel like being stuck, foggy, or just off balance. But over time, I’ve come to see it differently. It’s not a void. It’s a doorway.

It’s where the old ways stop working, but the new ones haven’t quite arrived.

And in coaching, I’ve learned that this is a sacred space. It’s where the real work begins.

When a coachee says, "I’m not sure anymore," or "I don’t know what I want next," they’re not failing. They’re arriving.

They’re stepping into uncertainty, and my job isn’t to rush them out of it. It’s to sit with them there. To help them see what’s shifting. To stay present long enough for something honest and lasting to take shape.

My Role: Not Outside the Process, But Within It

Carl Rogers once said that the guide (or coach) should offer the broadest possible range of learning opportunities, including themselves as a resource. That resonates deeply.

I’m not above the process, managing it from a safe distance. I’m in it too. Holding the space. Listening beyond the words. Reflecting what I hear, gently challenging when needed, and trusting the process, even when neither of us knows where it’s going yet.

That takes presence. And patience. And faith.

Sometimes, it also takes support. Because holding liminal space is emotional work. I’ve learned that I also need supervision, community, and time for reflection. There are no solo climbers here.

From Insight to Action: Helen Marriage's Wisdom

As I explored this more, I came across the work of Helen Marriage – a cultural producer who creates public experiences that are bold, unforgettable, and deeply human. Her seven practices for moving from insight to action have become a quiet guide in my coaching practice:

1. Don’t start from "this is impossible." Believe it is. Your belief helps others believe, too.
2. There are no rules (even when there are rules). Existing rules often only generate the familiar. Real change begins by following intention first, and then shaping the rules around what truly matters.
3. Get the fears articulated. Fear doesn’t go away by ignoring it. Invite it into the room. When it becomes part of the conversation, it becomes less intimidating and more manageable.
4. Make friends with the people, the process, and the uncertainty. Transformation is human work. Connection is essential – with coachees, collaborators, and even with discomfort itself. Relationships matter more than any model.
5. Take responsibility. Someone has to hold the space. That’s what I do. And I take it seriously. Owning that responsibility gives others the courage to step into the unknown.
6. Don’t ask for permission. When dealing with the unprecedented, permission can’t always be given – not by systems, institutions, or even our old selves. Sometimes, you have to choose to act anyway.
7. Push the ambition. The pull to compromise is real. But the work deserves more than "just enough." Begin with the belief that anything is possible and let your ambition stretch what’s currently visible.

Her thinking helped me realise that coaching is not about safety and certainty – it’s about creating the conditions for something bold and new to emerge.

Culture Matters More Than Method

Over time, I’ve come to see that the environment I create as a coach is just as important as the questions I ask.

The culture matters. It has to be:

• Respectful. Seeing the coachee with compassion, not judgement. Walking in their shoes.
• Trusting. Being honest about what I can and can’t deliver. Showing up consistently.
• Responsible. Not pushing people too far. And not carrying it all alone.
• Meticulous. The details matter – not to control the outcome, but to honour the process.
• High quality. People know when you’re present. And when you’re not. I don’t cut corners.
• Freeing. Minimal structure, maximum intention. This invites different ways of thinking and being.
• Hopeful. This is the most important one. When someone experiences being truly seen and supported, it becomes something they can draw on again and again. That’s the kind of coaching I want to offer.

Final Thought: Start Where You Are

Liminal space, or 'in-between' space, changed how I see my work.

It reminded me that the "in-between" isn’t a problem to fix – it’s a space to honour. And it’s where I do my best work.

You don’t need a perfect plan to begin. You just need to start.

In a world of flows, once we decide to take action, we’ve already started.

Whether you’re coaching others or navigating your own shift, I hope you find the space, the support, and the belief to honour your own liminal space.

Because it isn’t just where change begins, it’s where transformation takes root.