Independence Is Overrated. Interdependence Is the Real Goal.

“Are you truly free?”

 That’s what I asked myself this July 4th—just moments after a friend looked me in the eye and said:

“Women are never free. You should know that.”

 She had just finalized a long and painful divorce. I had asked, perhaps naïvely, whether she was happy to be “a free woman” at last. Her reply caught me off guard. But it also triggered a deep reflection.

 Here I was, a citizen of the United States for 44 years—having lived here longer than I did in India, where I was born. I cherish the liberties of this country. I’ve seen both India and the U.S. emerge from colonial rule and grow stronger than their colonizer in many ways.

 But the freedom I started questioning wasn’t political. It was internal.

 Do I truly think, feel, and act freely? Or am I just reacting—conditioned by culture, habit, and unconscious bias?

The Myth of Autonomy

 Last month, my siblings came to visit—a rare, precious reunion we had planned for over a year. We traveled together, shared memories, and laughed like children again. During that time, a young American-born friend asked me bluntly:

 “Why are you so excited about spending time with your siblings? You don’t seem as close to your kids.”

 His comment stung. And it made me realize something important:

 Even after decades in America, I remain my parents’ child—bound by an emotional thread that time and distance haven’t frayed.

 But my bond with my children is different. I offer them unconditional love, but they approach me as independent beings. That connection is not defined by shared childhoods or cultural rituals—it’s based on mutual choice.

 And herein lies a powerful contrast:

• In India, we grow up interdependent—woven into a fabric of community, culture, and family.
• In the U.S., we teach independence early—emphasizing individualism, often without teaching the value of interdependence.

 As a result, many relationships here begin from autonomy, not from belonging. People must choose to serve others consciously. It doesn’t always come naturally.

 In Indic thought, however, you serve others to discover yourself. Service is not sacrifice—it’s a spiritual practice. It is said:

 “Parasparam bhavayantah” – By nurturing one another, you grow the whole world together. (Bhagavad Gita, 3.11)

What Covey Got Right—and What He Missed

 Stephen Covey, in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, proposed the “Maturity Continuum”:

1. Dependence – Relying on others.
2. Independence – Relying on yourself.
3. Interdependence – Collaborating consciously.

 In this model, interdependence is the highest state—mature, intentional, and relational.

 And yet, as I reflect through the lens of Indic wisdom, I feel this story may run even deeper.

 What if interdependence isn’t just the final stage of maturity—but the very path to true independence?

 Think about it: I cannot be truly free unless I understand my obligations, patterns, emotions, and unconscious loyalties. And those are all revealed in relationship—not isolation.

 Through relationships, I learn what triggers me. I discover my blind spots. I see how much of my life is shaped by others—by their approval, disappointment, or silence.

A Mirror I Couldn’t See

 For years, I believed I was becoming more and more self-aware. I studied myself like a full-time job. But in doing so, I ignored something obvious:

Others saw things in me that I couldn’t.

 I’ve realized that even my so-called “free choices” are often shaped by others—by culture, algorithms, childhood conditioning. I’ve had to work hard to even name the last decision I made independently, with full awareness.

 That’s not a weakness. It’s a wake-up call.

 Independence without self-awareness is just a more sophisticated form of unconscious dependence.

Freedom Is Not Isolation

 We live in a time where freedom is often confused with detachment—the right to walk away, the refusal to be bound. But in Indic philosophy, freedom is not escape. It’s engagement with awareness.

 The Gita doesn’t tell us to abandon the world.

It asks us to act in it—with clarity, non-attachment, and purpose.

 This, to me, is the essence of interdependence. Not codependence. Not obedience. But conscious participation.

 And through that, we find our most authentic independence.

A Resolution for This Independence Day

 This year, I’m making a new kind of declaration.

 I will not chase independence as isolation. I will cultivate interdependence as awareness.

 Here’s what that looks like for me:

• I will recognize my emotional and karmic ties without resenting them.
• I will question the biases I inherited—including the subtle ones around race, gender, and power.
• I will hold space for others without disappearing in the process.
• I will treat service not as duty, but as a doorway to truth.
• I will remember that I am never fully self-made—and that’s a blessing, not a weakness.

Are You Truly Free?

 If you’re celebrating today, I invite you to pause between the fireworks and the barbecue and ask:

• When was the last time I made a choice that was truly my own?
• Do I mistake autonomy for freedom?
• Am I willing to explore interdependence as a path to liberation—not a limitation?

 Because freedom is not just the absence of chains. It’s the presence of consciousness.

 And for me, that consciousness emerges only through connection—through interdependence.

Let’s Talk

 Has your understanding of freedom evolved over time?

Have you experienced interdependence as a source of strength, not limitation?

 I’d love to hear your story.

Let’s not just celebrate independence—let’s practice interdependence.

 Together.